Re: Petty or have a point?

Melania · ‎06-12-2013

Why haven't you stepped up before now?

The only reason you are interested now is because she is now on the checking account but not when she was doing the day to day stuff for years.

Is this really the attitude your father deserves when you are just doing it out of resentment for your SIL?

You have made it clear you dislike her and your brother saying his wife is a PITA to you is so wrong. But I can't help but think you are enjoying it.

If this scenario is anything like your daughter and her struggles and your attitude towards her and about it I would suggest you do the right thing and let the people who are already doing the work, do it.

Think about your own house first instead of your snark that she is causing her son's migraines...like looking in the mirror. SMH

sfnative · ‎03-10-2010

@hyacinth003

Though I haven't read all of the responses, I agree that it is a plus to have someone available to volunteer to help your father.

However, I firmly believe that you never really know the true self of anyone when it comes to money. When opportunity knocks, how will that person act or respond? Because I'm the suspicious type, I would advise only family members on ALL of you Father's accounts be listed/have access. This would mean only you and your brother.

For your peace of mind and if you have the funds, you could have a simple and pretty quick consult with a probate or Family Law attorney. I'd hop at the opportunity, if only to have some ammunition in my corner.

All the best to you with this most difficult issue.

KathyPet · ‎03-09-2010

YOu need to start speaking up when she oversteps her authority. NOt saying anything to,keep the peace is causing a lot of inner resentment on your end. FOr example the incident with her E Mailing the assisted living facility and making a appt when you clearly said you would take care of it would have annoyed the heck out of me but I would have spoken up and told her quite clearly that when I tell her I would do something I will do it and that I do not appreciate her taking over the task when I said I would take care of it. I would have been nice but quite firm and she definitely would have known how annoyed I was.

KLm · ‎12-03-2010

Good luck with this. IMO you're going to need it. Alienation is a trick that works, so does insinuating oneself into the life of a needy inlaw. SILs are not daughters. Period.

Just because you are executor today doesn't mean you always will be. What I've seen done by people in order to get the "stuff" makes me very sad.

hyacinth003 · ‎03-12-2010

I don't think I've articulated this point.

I get the feeling she doesn't WANT to give it up. Which makes me ask WHY?

If someone is willing to do something, why would you NOT want them to do it? Especially if that person is his DAUGHTER. Where is her own life? She has a husband, son, second home in another state, sometimes a job, why?

I cannot think of a legitimate reason WHY. My dad and I have been very close all our lives. So I am not some fly-by-night daughter. It's nice if no one else wants to do it. I find it crazy when someone else wants to take a task away and you resist it. As soon as I said I wanted to do it, I get text messages from her about why it's too complicated. WHY? I believe she has a control issue.

Hyacinth

haddon9 · ‎03-09-2010

Is she going to be paying monthly bills for your dad? You didn't mention who does his bills unless he does. How well is he? Is he of sound mind? My 90 year old mother is as sharp as a tack and takes care of all of her finances herself. Neither my brother or I are on her checking account.

If your SIL is going to be on the checking account why not add your own husband? Just to make it "fair" all the way around.

Does she and your brother live close to your dad? I agree that it's a bit odd that she's very involved but if she and your brother live a lot closer it's easier for her to sort of take over than you.

Are you being petty? Maybe but we don't know your history and what she's done in the past...besides it's how you feel and I understand.

In the future if she does something that you were going to do I would mention it. I would say that while I appreciate her help it makes me feel inefficent when I want to do something for my own dad. I'm sure she would respond with only wanting to help but since it's your dad you have a need to do some things to.

hyacinth003 · ‎03-12-2010

@Melania wrote:
Why haven't you stepped up before now?
The only reason you are interested now is because she is now on the checking account but not when she was doing the day to day stuff for years.

Is this really the attitude your father deserves when you are just doing it out of resentment for your SIL?
You have made it clear you dislike her and your brother saying his wife is a PITA to you is so wrong. But I can't help but think you are enjoying it.

If this scenario is anything like your daughter and her struggles and your attitude towards her and about it I would suggest you do the right thing and let the people who are already doing the work, do it.
Think about your own house first instead of your snark that she is causing her son's migraines...like looking in the mirror. SMH

I have no idea what you're talking about my daughter. She is my life's mission and I think your comment is out of line. Don't be trying to get my entire post removed.

Hyacinth

VanSleepy · ‎10-05-2010

It is a bit odd that if you are nearby and willing and able to do these things for your father that she is jumping up to be "the caregiver". Have you ever told your father that he needn't rely on her so much since you are available for him?

Even though the order of the names doesn't matter, that would probably tick me off, too. I would be more worried that someday your brother and SIL will say they are entitled to 2/3 of that money because both of their names are on it and that's what your dad wanted. It might sound crazy and people might think their family wouldn't do such a thing, but that exact scenario happened to one of my in-laws.

hyacinth003 · ‎03-12-2010

@Scooby Doo wrote:
I came from the era that there is a certain hierachy in the family structure. I would feel that she is overstepping her boundaries. I would think that out of courtesy and respect she would put her name last. But if you start complaining at this late stage a family feud will start and your father doesn't deserve that.
It's his account and he can list anyone he wants on it. But I'd talk to the bank before signing any papers. Something I learned a long time ago, and I don't know it it's still current info, but it matters How people are listed on the account. For instance, if it's listed as Bob, Mary, and Susan, then all people must agree and be accountable for the funds. If it's listed as Bob or Mary or Susan, then each person can make independent decisions and not have to get the approval of the other persons.
Maybe listing 3 people is his way of making things easier. You say that you buy him stuff and then he pays you back. This new process will eliminate the paying back step. Just write a check and take it out of the account and be done.

I have never written a check on his account, nor did I ever think of carrying around a checkbook.

She WILL carry a checkbook, I am sure of it.

I also think there is a family hierarchy, and this violates it.

Hyacinth