Re: Ok, talk me out of this guilt...

ECBG · ‎01-08-2011

I agree that you have gone over what is reasonable, and expected. You must be a very loving, selfless person.

As for the reason, do you feel your brother is holding some type of resentment from anything that has happened? Is he warm and friendly at holidays, at ease with your DH and family. Is this behavior out of character? Have you grown apart? I'd look at the relationship.

I'm so, so sorry you have had this.

luvdoodles · ‎06-19-2010

I agree with this opinion, you are becoming an enabler. Some people take advantage of people like you. You have gone above and beyond for him. Doesn't seem to appreciate it. You have no reason to feel guilty. If he is recovering, which is good news, he needs to get back on his own two feet again. It will be an adjustment for him, but he will get over it.

AuntG · ‎03-09-2010

As I look at it, you have done far more than most people could afford to do. Maybe if your brother had been more appreciative you would feel better.

chrystaltree · ‎05-10-2010

You are a good sister and wonderful person. You have done more for your brother than anyone could expect. He's luck to have you. You feel guilty because you wish you could continue supporting him but you can't. It had to end sometime. Your brother is naturally disappointed and scared about what comes next for him. Maybe even shocked it he was expecting this. You say he's waiting for his VA benefits but until that kicks in, can't he apply for SSI benefits? Are there any state benefits available for him? It's hard when you can't do for family the way you want to do, it hurts. But you do have to take care of your own needs first. I'm sure your brother understands that. Just keep talking to him, be open with him, let him know why you can't continue helping out as you have been.

BalletBabe · ‎03-05-2011

@Pandalady wrote:
@Keeper of the koi You are very compassionate and you love your brother so much! Many blessings and prayers to you. Your posts here are always so nice and I enjoy reading them. BTW, my sweet mama's name is Mary Ann!

@Pandalady That is also my name :0)

qualitygal · ‎10-04-2010

@Keeper of the koi, I understand this one. Something to think about (I have to ask myself this too) if you weren't here, he'd probably manage or find a way wouldn't he. We just can't be the safety net all our lives, these people need to learn sooner rather than later to take care of themselves. It's easy to set back and let someone take care of you, but you have to stop being the safety net and let them learn to depend upon themselves. I'm sure you and your husband have done the max to help your brother, please help him more, by letting him figure out his way, for HIS life. It's fair! He may not know this. You've done your best, now it's his turn. JMHO

Keeper of the koi · ‎12-14-2015

I called last night on my husbands urging, I was shocked to hear he was upset and angry because my brothers and i did not chip in to pay off his mortgage, i already paid 1 year, He says he has been cleared to work but will not he wants to enjoy life, not worth it.I was really surprised i thought he would be anxious to get back to life.I will no longer support him, He needs to get his life together.I am worn out emotionally and he has been a energy vampire for a year.I think distance is good., He texted this mornings and again this afternoon , he realizes i am upset, but i simply said everything is ok here. He needs to pick himself up ,i now see that...Thank you all for the support, it is amazing , hugs ,Maryanne

Keeper of the koi · ‎12-14-2015

Thank you, Just wanted to add, the real kicker , He told me he was buying his 13 year old daughter phone cards every week with our money that was for bills...60 dollars a week for a cell phone.I was very disappointed to hear our money that was worked for was given for a childs frivolous cell phone.He informed me he was many months behind in bills we thought we were paying...I feel foolish and am embaressed infront of my husband for using our money so carelessly...Maryanne

Q4u · ‎03-17-2010

@Keeper of the koi wrote:
Thank you, Just wanted to add, the real kicker , He told me he was buying his 13 year old daughter phone cards every week with our money that was for bills...60 dollars a week for a cell phone.I was very disappointed to hear our money that was worked for was given for a childs frivolous cell phone.He informed me he was many months behind in bills we thought we were paying...I feel foolish and am embaressed infront of my husband for using our money so carelessly...Maryanne

You had no way of knowing and yes, to buy phone cards weekly at $60 a week is $240 a month! If he was concerned about his daughter's safety as the reason, there are much cheaper ways of doing so. I agree, he is being disrespectful of the money you've given him.

Was this money given without any expectations of being paid back? Was it even discussed? If not, imagine his surprise if you presented him with an itemized bill and a payment plan over a five year period.........