My son has to do jail time - Page 5

RedTop · ‎09-01-2010

My coping suggestion for you is to take a deep breath and accept this situation for what it is. Show your son how strong you are as you watch him deal with his mistakes. Tell him that you expect him to come out of this wiser, and more responsible.

The time for worry was when your son was drinking and driving; risking his life and the lives of others. Every time he did it and got away with it gave him more confidence that nothing was going to happen.

Your son is a grown man and is being held responsible for his actions; he will pay the price for such with the loss of freedom for 11 months in county jail. Both of you need to realize he deserves this punishment, and be thankful it is what it is.

In my area of southern WV, inmates in the county jail get to work with Litter Control to pick up trash along our highways, as well as clean up illegal dumping sites. Visitation is allowed on certain days of the week, and you will be informed of things your son will be allowed to have such as magazines, etc.

As a mother of adult children, I do understand how you feel about this. I would be upset as well, but I would accept it as my child getting exactly what he deserved for his actions. This is a life lesson he has to learn on his own; step back and let him deal with it.

cherry · ‎03-09-2010

@Donovan wrote:
@cherry wrote:
I think she might be worried, because he will be in prison ,and not in jail. Jail is for short term incarcerations. I could be wrong about that snip

jails are locally operated short-term facilities that hold inmates awaiting trial or sentencing or both, and inmates sentenced to a term of less than one year, typically misdemeanants. Prisons are longer-term facilities run by the state or the federal government that typically holds felons and persons with sentences of more than one year. Definitions may vary by state.

In the 1st post she said he will be in county jail.

I have a feeling this isn't his first offense - but maybe the first time mom knows about it.

You are right about jail ,and not prison. That is something she can feel a bit more relieved over.

I don't know about it not being his first offense. I am taking the poster at her word.

It might be the first time he ever got caught drunk driving, and his being nasty to the cop , doesn't speak very well about his atitude.

But his mother can't help what someone in his late 20 does.

I think she needs a counselor , to help her get through this. At some point we must let our kids live ,the life they have chosen for themselves. for good or ill

software · ‎06-08-2016

Basically a good kid who has made mistakes.

I hope this doesn't mean you are his enabler and that you've covered for him growing up.

I realize he's your kid, a man, an adult, but this is his problem not yours.

How are you going to cope? Just go about your business.

Visit him if you can, if you can't put money on his book so he can buy some food, the stuff served in jail is nasty.

I think he needs tough love. Encourage him to align himself with other men who believe in God, who pray, who have a plan for their future and not with the thugs who couldn't care less.

And when he gets out, quit helping him. He needs more help than you can give him.

@hopeandfaith wrote:
My son will be sentenced to 11 months in jail, I believe next week. He had a DUI. He is in his late 20's and basically a good kid, but has made mistakes.

I am heartbroken. He has never been in jail before, and I dont' know what to expect. I told him he has to deal with it. There is nothing anyone can do. It is a county jail in Pennsylvania.

Can anyone give me advise on how to cope? I can not eat or sleep, this is taking a huge toll on me.

chlema · ‎05-22-2010

Why do you assume that @I am still oxox? We all had to start with a first post, right?

CouponQueen · ‎10-21-2010

Not sure about PA per se but usually Jail is one-year and under. Anything over a year and you go to State Prison.

homedecor1 · ‎03-09-2010

@hopeandfaith

A very good friend of mine had a drug addict son & frankly, he had so many arrests (w/o his mother knowing) he never went to jail BUT the final showdown was when he drove into a busy intersection & crashed (thank god no one was hurt except him) he spent 1 year in county jail. Therefore, I think this isn't your sons first "offense" - because the puzzle pieces aren't fitting!

I worked in the correctional system 24 years both County & State -- only advice is you need to accept that's his punishment (not his 1st rodeo maybe that's why the laws are written as such - protect everyone - just think of a different outcome because of his actions).

That being said just remember you can't FIX what happens in a jail - he will most likely complain about conditions, food, bathing, other inmates, staff, etc.(I used to get calls from family members everyday about "their concerns" - many UNfounded).

Your son will have to make better choices while incarcerated (inmates, staff, etc.) - sadly he will have to "survive" because County houses ALL types of offenders until they are sentenced & transferred to State system (at least that's how it was when I worked).

I will pray for you to get thru this -- it's not easy to accept when our "adult" children make poor choices! My advice is to be there for him, visit when allowed & get ready for the shock of your life (if you've never been inside a real correctional facility - it's not like reality tv. I still remember the 1st day I walked in and doors clinked closed behind me, you don't leave that building for 10 hours BUT I would never changed my profession, something different everyday). Of course, things may have changed although I don't think so --

Good & Bad - hopefully this will be his "wake-up" call in life and he will take advantage of the meetings, therapy & social services available to him. He has to be the one who wants to "change" his life - I pray he gets it!

(just hope this is a real poster not some random ******!😡 Because many replies are quite good & interesting).

cherry · ‎03-09-2010

@CouponQueen wrote:
Not sure about PA per se but usually Jail is one-year and under. Anything over a year and you go to State Prison.

The article I found said it could vary from state to state. It might depend some, on how crowded an institution is ,at the time of sentencing

But I think jail , might be better than prison

sweetee2 · ‎06-21-2015

hopeandfaith: I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. Many years ago my daughter was arrested on christmas eve for all her traffic violations. We always said if our children were arrested we would leave them there. Well it tour me up. We'll we bailed her out because it was christmas eve. THE WORST THING WE EVER DID. It changed her life in a positive way as far as not doing anything to go back, it was her attitude. She couldn't understand why I was upset because after all she was the one in there. There is more to the story you don't know about, but if he is in this must trouble this is the best thing that could have happened to him. This boy needs a good wake up call. I wouldn't go see him, he will be able to call home if you want to pay for the collect call. Sister you have been given a blessing. I promise you he will be fine. Look at it that way.

hckynut · ‎03-10-2010

@hopeandfaith wrote:
My son will be sentenced to 11 months in jail, I believe next week. He had a DUI. He is in his late 20's and basically a good kid, but has made mistakes.

I am heartbroken. He has never been in jail before, and I dont' know what to expect. I told him he has to deal with it. There is nothing anyone can do. It is a county jail in Pennsylvania.

Can anyone give me advise on how to cope? I can not eat or sleep, this is taking a huge toll on me.

@hopeandfaith

I have no advice for you, I have no kids. Their are many kinds of "mistakes", and they fall into many different categories. Breaking a law that could lead to injury or death to others, to me falls into one of the most serious categories.

From what I know of some laws on DUI/DWI, it takes more than 1 conviction before most are sent to any type of jail or state prison. I am guessing this is not his first time of being convicted. In some states, even on 1 conviction, a person can become a felon, and that can become a lifelong record?

There are millions that have trouble controlling their alcohol intake, many seek different ways of help. I am a recovering alcoholic that has not drank alcohol for several decades now. I will always consider myself as "a recovering alcoholic", as it is my belief that is no permanent cure.

It is sad what families have to go through because of alcoholic addictions of close members of their families. It is too bad that so many that know they have a problem, refuse to recognize it, that is until something serious happens because of their addictions.

Others here on this forum I am sure can offer you some advice, I can't. There are prices to pay when one breaks the law.

hckynut(john)

jaxs mom · ‎04-18-2012

@hopeandfaith wrote:
My son will be sentenced to 11 months in jail, I believe next week. He had a DUI. He is in his late 20's and basically a good kid, but has made mistakes.

I am heartbroken. He has never been in jail before, and I dont' know what to expect. I told him he has to deal with it. There is nothing anyone can do. It is a county jail in Pennsylvania.

Can anyone give me advise on how to cope? I can not eat or sleep, this is taking a huge toll on me.

@hopeandfaith Maybe you should seek counseling to deal with this? Either a clergy person or a professional.

I do wish you the best.

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