Among Friends

[cookinfreak]

I have 2 sisters. Both are older than myself.  One is Peggy and one is Edna.  Peggy was always snotty and mean to me growing up and Edna was very good to me (Edna is the oldest).  Both sisters live away but not that far. One is 350 miles away, and the other is about 240.  Peggy has always been jealous of my and Edna's relationship. For a long time it didn't matter as Peggy ignored our whole family for years. Now Peggy for some reason has a hold over Edna, and Edna will do anything she says.  Edna is usually a very generous, giving person. (She has given many things to myself and extended family for many years) Now when she is around Peggy, she turns very witchy and snotty.

Peggy is very selfish, and greedy.  Edna would bring me clothes she got tired of which was great because she has good taste and spends good money on her clothing.  Peggy has talked to her into bringing them to consignment shops because that made her mad. (Peggy is nowhere our size, so it's not like she could wear them.)

They are both coming here next weekend.  When they are here, they stay either with me or our sister in law.  My sister in law is out of town this weekend, so when I asked Edna if they would just come to my house, she said they are staying at my sis in laws, even tho she won't be home.

I am beyond hurt.  They have chosen to stay at a house where no one is home, rather than with me, their own sister.

Last time they were in town, they hurt me so bad  that I cried the whole evening.

When they said they were staying at sis in laws, I hung up the phone and cried all morning.

Sorry this is so long. A few friends said I should just go somewhere this weekend. But I guess Im curious to hear what would you do in this situation?

I know they will hurt my feelings again.

TIA

cookin

[Bird mama]

Cookin, why are they coming to town?  Is it to visit you or other family?

If the express purpose of them coming to town is not to visit you, then maybe it would be a good idea to make yourself scarce. 

Family can be flighty and windy some times.  Just because you're the baby in the family, it doesn't mean that you have to take ****** from anyone.

[ECBG]

So very sorry you have this problem.  Please realize that no family is one hundred percent functional all the time.

I know you are in great pain, but there is no "fix" for this.  I would suggest you find a good family counselor because you are dealing with personalities and each have needs and goals.  

If you are at the point where you are crying all day, please give yourself the gift of learning how you can relate with them for a better relationship.

I will keep you in my prayers.

[Nataliesgramma]

I think eventually Edna will get tired of Peggy's antics and you will see her become close to you again, It may take awhile though.

Keep yourself busy and do things with your friends until that time.....

[queendiva]

I am really sorry for you.

Plan a really fun day/ weekend for you and a friend or other family member(s). Do not sit at home and do not speak with your sisters, even if they call. Do not see them this weekend. Be too busy having fun, eating great food, having a cocktail, seeing a movie or show, getting hair and nails done, shopping, going to the lake or beach- even if you have never done any of these things before in your life or have to do them on your own. Make plans today and ENJOY! and do not give your sisters any more power over you. You are the only one responsible for your happiness. Choose joy!

Hopefully you can mend fences in the near future,

[cookinfreak]

birdmama

they are coming here to visit our dad.  He is 91 and has dementia.  He doesn't know who we are. I think they only visit him out of guilt. Not for him, but me.  I did rip into them one time because I was having to leave work and lost many hours in a 2 month period as he had a stroke, dr appts, rushed to ER cuz he thought he was having a heart attack. They were telling me how much of his stuff they deserved since they were the oldest (our brother passed away 6 yrs ago). When I asked how many hours they had been sitting with him and how much pay they lost, they  stopped.  Edna wanted to give $100 which made me even madder.  That wasn't the point!

I have many, many stories like this

cookin

[queendiva]

I hope Dad has a will, living will, etc.

As a caregiver, I know you have been stressed out, but snapping at your sisters did not help.Sounds like you have been judging, too.

Let then have their visit and do not be a part of it. This one is not about you. Sorry, but that;s JMO.

[Bird mama]

Hmm, cookin' does Dad live with you or elsewhere?  The reason I ask is I could see how avoiding them could be difficult if you are Dad's primary caregiver.

Not that it's any consolation, but the kind of thing you described happened in my family too with my Ma. 

[brandiwine]

From the outside looking in, it sounds like they might be more interested in what's in daddy's will then daddy.  I would stay far away from them.  Since they will be here in case dad needs something, maybe a quick weekend trip with your SO or a friend.  Do something special for you.  Remember this:  We can choose our friends, but not our family.

[cookinfreak]

birdmama

my dad is in a nursing home residence.  I live very close to  him which is nice if there is ever an emergency and I can pop over any time to see him.

brandiwine

my sister peggy got mad when she found out that my sis in law is still in the will.  she thinks that since my brother died, it should be split between the 3 of us.  And believe, me it's not like it's tons of money. But, nobody better get five cents more than her!