Re: Do You Know Many Women over the Age of 45 Who ... - Page 14

just bee · ‎03-10-2010

@just bee wrote:
When I got out of college and started working I'd go out with the older women for dinner and, after a cocktail or two, they'd always say the same thing:
"Don't get me wrong -- I love my kids. But if I had it to do all over again..."

That stuck with me. I'm 56 and have no kids. I now work as a psych nurse and I see a lot of kids and their parents and I'm convinced I made the right choice for myself.

I think it comes down to this: I would rather regret not having children than regret having them. The thought of not having them occurred to me in September 1964. I was four and it was my first day of kindergarten. Every person I dated was informed that I had no desire to have children. I was told by just about everyone that I would change my mind. I never did.

~My philosophy: Dogs are God's most perfect creatures. Angels, here on Earth, who teach us to be better human beings.~

YorkieonmyPillow · ‎01-13-2013

@NC Bandwagon wrote:
Hello, DiscountDiva.

I'm not so good at these kinds of subjects really. The only thing I can post is that once you're past the stage of being able to have children naturally and you still really, really, really, really want a child, you can always adopt.

Unless you turn 80 and then you decide you want children. You'll probably be too tired for kids by then, but you get my drift.

No you can't adopt children past a certain age, probably 45 or so. There aren't a lot of orphanages these days anyway, that I know of.

AstridDrey · ‎03-17-2010

I am 49 and regret not having children. I regret spending so much time and effort on my career. I always wanted to get married and have children, but I felt like I was young, and that would happen eventually. But one day you wake up and you are 49.

My advice to you is if you want a family, put some effort into finding the right guy. Do NOT just focus on work.

But, like all tragedies in life, you learn to accept being childless. What choice do you have? And when I hear about my friends' problems with their teenagers, I do feel a sense of calm that I don't have to worry about that.

Still hoping to be a step mother though.

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

Once again, as the only child of older parents, I want to ask you to think about the child. WOULD they have relatives their own age? WOULD they have relatives to finish raising them if something happens to you? Will they be left alone to deal with aging parents at a fairly young age? Will your situation be fair to that child as it tries to live out its life?

It's not all about how you feel. And don't tell me there are no guarantees because I can tell you there ARE some guarantees and not all are good. . .

debic · ‎09-02-2010

@just bee wrote:
@just bee wrote:
When I got out of college and started working I'd go out with the older women for dinner and, after a cocktail or two, they'd always say the same thing:
"Don't get me wrong -- I love my kids. But if I had it to do all over again..."

That stuck with me. I'm 56 and have no kids. I now work as a psych nurse and I see a lot of kids and their parents and I'm convinced I made the right choice for myself.
I think it comes down to this: I would rather regret not having children than regret having them. The thought of not having them occurred to me in September 1964. I was four and it was my first day of kindergarten. Every person I dated was informed that I had no desire to have children. I was told by just about everyone that I would change my mind. I never did.

^ This.

I would love to have grandkids, unfortunately that's not in the cards. My son isn't having kids and I've never tried to convince him he should. Darn him anyway, what about me? LOL

My best friend however has a ton of grandkids and I get to spend a lot of time with them.

~~
*Off The Deep End~A very short trip for some!*

Plaid Pants2 · ‎03-14-2015

@Sooner wrote:
Once again, as the only child of older parents, I want to ask you to think about the child. WOULD they have relatives their own age? WOULD they have relatives to finish raising them if something happens to you? Will they be left alone to deal with aging parents at a fairly young age? Will your situation be fair to that child as it tries to live out its life?

It's not all about how you feel. And don't tell me there are no guarantees because I can tell you there ARE some guarantees and not all are good. . .

You are SO right! My mom was 35 when I was born, and my dad was 42. There were times when I was a small child, that people thought that my dad was my grandfather.

Oh, and I am an only child.

My mother is now gone, and my dad is 88.

I am 45.

Guess who is taking care of Dad?

I am not complaining, but it isn't easy being a caregiver.

I don't have any kids. Menopause came early and it just never happened.

It's not a "tragedy" that I never had kids.

A tragedy is 9/11, or the Paris attacks. Now THAT'S a tragedy.

Even if I could still have kids, I wouldn't have them now, because I think that it would be awfully selfish of me, and incredibly unfair to the child to put them in that situation, when I have been there myself, and know what it is like.

I wonder if the O/P is even still reading this thread.

SharkE · ‎08-19-2010

For those who think having kids will take care of you in your old age do what we did get long term care insurance. LOL Lot cheaper in the long run and lot less stressful.

Stormygirl · ‎08-01-2015

I have never ever regretted not having children. I see my friends who have children and honestly some are miserable and some should never have become parents.. Money troubles, babysitting issues, now marital issues. I see some of their children growing up as "latch key kids" because the parents still have not outgrown thier "entitlement complex" Some are on welfare and are using having children as some twisted form of income. I see my sister using my Step Mom as a full time nanny and housekeeper while she lives the life of a single person. Seeing the present world they would grow up in today and a questionabl;e future........no I dont regret my decision to not have children.

Hayfield · ‎03-10-2010

I don't think that everyone should have children and I think you can lead a full and wonderful life without children. Children are no guarantee that they will think of you or take care of you when you're old. You should only have children because you want to raise a family and know that there are no guarantees. I was lucky, I married a wonderful man, who became a wondeful husband and father, not perfect, but then, neither am I. Together we raised two productive, contributing members of society and they both have a good work ethic. I really believed that that was my job when I had them. I was their parent, not their friend and it was the hardest job I ever had and well, let's face it, once a parent, always a parent. They are gown now and on their own and I can honestly say that I'm very proud with who they are. Someday, maybe I'll be lucky again and become a grandparent, but it's their lives and their choice, I'll won't bug them about because as I said in the first sentence, not everyone should have children. I cherish the time I get with them, they are leading their own lives now, as it should be.

JavaQueen · ‎03-09-2010

I dont regret being childless. It's not a selfish act. As others have noted, you really have to want to be a parent.

I have had opportunites being an and a surrogate aunt of young people who for some reason gravitate toward me. Maybe I would have been OK. I am fine with that. I have done things that I never could have had I followed a more "traditional" route. I am glad to have been part of a society that would let me make my choice.

My brother, after marrying three times became a father at 49. I know other women who became mothers at 45.

It's not the thing you want to do. A lot of energy is required and then there is a significant age gap. And your children run greater risk of having a birth defect. Apart from that...

At the time they should be getting established with their family and careers, they will have to start worrying about someone nearly 80 years old and probably be without a parent for much of their adult lives.

If money is no object, you can do whatever you wish. But most of us don't fall into that category. So think about what it is you really want. If you don't have children, by a certain age, then there are other ways to have to children and you will make a place for them.

This is a very interesting thread.