Re: Do You Know Many Women over the Age of 45 Who ... - Page 8

Puzzle Piece · ‎06-29-2010

NO. All the females, I've known and met who never had children actually, never wanted children.

That would included myself and my husband. We are very glad we didn't and haven't felt any loss or regret, ever!

Now, that stated, I would feel awful knowing that if I had a children, this country and the world would burden them greatly with taxes, fees, and if possibly some punishment for even being born and being an American. The future does not look good for those under 30. Things won't change without a lot of violence and brutality, which is what those will face in their futures. Also, there will be limited resources due to over population and demands.

Never Forget the Native American Indian Holocaust

debic · ‎09-02-2010

While I'd love to be a Grandma it's not in the cards for me. My son doesn't want kids. I would never try and change his mind and am ok with it. I have enough friends with grandkids I still get to enjoy faux grandkids. LOL I do get introduced as a second mom by a couple.

~~
*Off The Deep End~A very short trip for some!*

Mominohio · ‎08-08-2010

The answers you get to this will be as varied as the number of people responding.

I was 35, hadn't had a child yet, and kind of was just thinking it wasn't going to happen, and I was ok with that. We had friends and a lifestyle that people without kids enjoy. I never longed to be a mother, but hadn't ruled it out either. Just didn't make a decision one way or the other.

Then at 35, I got pregnant, and very unexpectedly. I was not very happy about it in the first few weeks. Then, after the shock (and quite frankly, the fear) subsided, I embraced it and was excited.

I had only one child, loved (almost!!) every minute of raising him, and devoted the most of my time and energy during the next 18 years enjoying motherhood.

I can honestly say that it was great, but if it hadn't happened, I'd be just as happy ( not because of anything negative for me in being a mother, but because we don't really miss what we never had). I firmly believe I would have gone on, made a life, and been happy whether I had a child or not.

I do know I'm glad I was a little older and did not have a child in my 20's. It gave me time to be more experienced in life, more patient, and I think, made me a better parent.

And I am a firm believer that if you want to be a parent, you don't have to have a baby. There are so many children in this world than need a loving home, so if you can't conceive, wait until you feel 'too old' to carry a child, or any other reason not to give birth, you can still be a loving parent.

Just know that whether you choose to become a parent (or it chooses you!), it does alter the course of your life. Not in a bad way, but things will forever be different, and in some ways harder. The weight of loving and caring for another human being, with all your heart has a stressing and sad side just as much as all the joy and happy things. You will hurt in ways (and not physical) you cannot imagine when you love a child, more than anyone else ever in your life.

chickenbutt · ‎03-09-2010

Wow, that somebody would imply that the belongings we would like to leave to somebody (not FORCE upon them) is just emotional junk (i.e. 'treasures') is kind of harsh. I don't know what to say about that. Well, ok, I do but I'll keep it to myself.

I cannot speak for the other poster who was spoken down to, but my 'treasures' are not junk that would be forced upon anybody. I'm really not somebody who emotionalizes everything so my attachment to my things is because they are beautiful, classic, and monetarily valuable. I really don't do 'sentimental'. I grew up a long time ago because I had to grow up as a small child.

The things I would wish to pass on are, by no means, junky treasures and I would never decide that somebody wants something that they wouldn't love to have. I know the difference between somebody acting nice and somebody being genuine.

OTOH - maybe it wasn't intended to be as purely insulting as it sounded on this end. If that's the case, sorry. I just felt like we were being 'put in our place' as though we were, perhaps, delusional.

cotton4me · ‎03-09-2010

@Plaid Pants2 wrote:

I'd rather regret not having had a kid, than to regret having brought one in to the world.

_________________

There's a lot of wisdom on this thread. I really appreciate all the heart-felt replies. The line above really resonated with me.

I'm in my 60's and have never regretted not having children. I don't think I would've been a good mother. Not everyone is good at it. I didn't have good role models growing up. It's such a huge responsibility. I think the stress and worry would've done me in. I just know for me it was the right decision.

Puzzle Piece · ‎06-29-2010

@chickenbutt I don't know about your treasures. I do know that when my MIL passed on this year, I was asked what I wanted of hers and the items left by her mother. Couldn't say I wanted any of it. If someone else wanted it, it was all theirs.

My MIL acutally believed she had stuff others would want. Things only mean something to you the owner if you value it. For me it all went to the Salvation Army or the trash. I don't plan on leaving anything to my nieces because I know they would feel burdened to accept it and they'd only hail mary it out into the garbage. Not to say they are disrespectful or uncaring. It's just not what the younger generations do or want anymore. Those days are gone with the wind.

Never Forget the Native American Indian Holocaust

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

@chickenbutt wrote:
Wow, that somebody would imply that the belongings we would like to leave to somebody (not FORCE upon them) is just emotional junk (i.e. 'treasures') is kind of harsh. I don't know what to say about that. Well, ok, I do but I'll keep it to myself.

I cannot speak for the other poster who was spoken down to, but my 'treasures' are not junk that would be forced upon anybody. I'm really not somebody who emotionalizes everything so my attachment to my things is because they are beautiful, classic, and monetarily valuable. I really don't do 'sentimental'. I grew up a long time ago because I had to grow up as a small child.

The things I would wish to pass on are, by no means, junky treasures and I would never decide that somebody wants something that they wouldn't love to have. I know the difference between somebody acting nice and somebody being genuine.

OTOH - maybe it wasn't intended to be as purely insulting as it sounded on this end. If that's the case, sorry. I just felt like we were being 'put in our place' as though we were, perhaps, delusional.

CB I certainly didn't mean to hurt anyone's feelings, but from my perspective and all the estates I've cleared out, I am no longer sentimental about much. Pertinent to this thread, I am the chid of older parents, and pretty much the last of both mother and father's families. I am no spring chicken myself. My hubby has little family left either, although he is a couple of years younger than me.

I am trying to get rid of my own stuff. I want to pare down for old age and retirement which I will face in two years. I can't keep all this stuff. Things I was sentimental about a few years ago are a burden to me now. I have given up trying to keep that museum going.

I just have to move on. And if other people are in the same boat, I'm giving them permission to get rid of the burden of the past; get rid of things you don't love; be free to live your own life and find your own happiness because in the end that's what it comes down to.

I didn't mean to upset you, but I've had to face the fact that sometimes it's ok to ditch something that someone loved and wanted to give you. They will never know what happened and it is ok for both of you. It was given in love. The love remains even if you break the vase. Otherwise I'd drive myself crazy.

(Can I have the Creuset pots? You know I love ya!)

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

I know this off topic but I'm sorry and will add some people have the room and the time to use and love heritage items, but I don't have the luxury to do that. . . so as always, different strokes for different folks! ALso, I have nobody to share the memories with either, and that makes a difference as well.

Oostende · ‎03-14-2010

I don't know any women who are childless by choice who have regretted their decision.

I do know a few who waited too long to conceive and now deeply regret that the option is off the table. The biological clock is a real thing for many people.

I guess it depends on whether the lack of childen was intentional.

Good luck!