Re: Do You Know Many Women over the Age of 45 Who ... - Page 7

Q4u · ‎03-17-2010

I have always been someone who has taken what comes. I have to admit that if I saw a guy I liked, I didn't have a problem ingraciating myself in order to date him. I did want a special man in my life and wanted to marry and if kids came along, I would be a fierce Mama.

But all my friends were getting married, got married, had kids and I still hadn't met that special person. I did meet one guy and stuck with him for four years which turned out to be a mistake, but when I realized I would rather be alone and by myself the rest of my life than marry him, I said good bye to him.l

I finally did meet Mr. Right and I wanted nothing more than to have kids with him (not something I particularly felt with other guys).... so when we had our boys I was (and still am) delighted. I am a fierce Mama. However had we not had kids then my attitude would have been that it wasn't meant to be.... Or perhaps I would have adopted, I don't know.

But I would have been fine and not regretted it at all, and I'm positive of that.

*~"Never eat more than you can lift......" Miss Piggy~*

Bird mama · ‎03-12-2010

@keeper of the koi
Maryanne, boy is it good to see your post.

There are many elements: wind, fire, water
But none quite like the element of surprise

shamalamadingdong4 · ‎12-12-2010

Neither my son nor my daughter wanted children. My daughter and her husband are in education, and she said she sees enough kids. My son has never wanted children and is dating a woman who feels the same way. I'm fine with their decisions and don't miss being a grandmother. I would rather they were happy with their lives.

Moonchilde · ‎05-23-2010

@Adelina wrote:
I know many women who have never had children and they are fine with it. Some because this was a considered decision, and others because they could not. Either way, they have made their peace with this. The "fear", especially from those who are not sure if they do but go ahead and have a child because "time is running out" comes from old-fashioned ideas that a woman (or a man) is not complete without having had children.

I believe not all of us have raising children in our life project.

Those who do and discover they have no maternal (or paternal) instinct...well... that is unfair to their children.

ITA. I have never felt particularly "motherly." I am the product of divorce and a physically abusive father, and an emotionally abusing stepfather - and a mother who bought into the "every woman should have children" thing when she had been screwed up by *her* mother. My mother was not very nurturing, supportive or loving in my formative years.

I knew enough about myself to understand that I would make a lousy parent, and the world does not need more of those.

Life without Mexican food is no life at all

JBKO · ‎12-16-2011

Wow! Thank you so much for all your replies. I see that many of the women on here have known from an early age that they did not want to have children. I've always been very ambivalent. Let me ask you something about fertility. I don't smoke, drink, and have never used contraceptives in the past. How would this affect my fertility? I remember buying a turquoise necklace here on QVC 5 years ago like it was yesterday! Before you know it I will be 35. That is when your biological clock really starts clicking. I better start hitting the bars!

A friend in need is a friend indeed.

Plaid Pants2 · ‎03-14-2015

@DiscountDiva wrote:
Wow! Thank you so much for all your replies. I see that many of the women on here have known from an early age that they did not want to have children. I've always been very ambivalent. Let me ask you something about fertility. I don't smoke, drink, and have never used contraceptives in the past. How would this affect my fertility? I remember buying a turquoise necklace here on QVC 5 years ago like it was yesterday! Before you know it I will be 35. That is when your biological clock really starts clicking. I better start hitting the bars!

Fertility is a quap-shoot. Sorry but it is. Just because you have never smoked/drank/ or used contraceptives, is NO guarantee that you'll get preggers on the first go around.

You are not even 30 yet, and you are obsessing about your age. Age is just a number. It doesn't mean anything.

If you have always been ambivalent about having kids, then I wouldn't have one.

You should only have kids when every fiber of your being is screaming to have one.

Not when you are ambivalent about it.

feline groovy · ‎07-29-2014

Nope.

And I'm also not one of them.

I'm 52, adore kids, but was meant to care for pet companions instead. 8)

And I thank God & the universe that animals have been my destiny so far.

Far too many people have or adopt children for wrong or selfish reasons, and it's always their pure, innocent kids that pay a tragic price. :-(

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

@cater wrote:
Madame-Queen and chickenbutt, I am not being smart or rude but I know a lot of people who have children and their children want no parts of family "treasures" as my sister calls them. some of the younger generation think what we have saved and treasured all our lives is junk or worth less and want no parts of it. I know it hurts some of the parents, aunts and uncles thinking I am saving this for ------- and then they find out -------- doesn't want any of it. So hope this makes you feel better hope when you decide to give your treasures make sure that the person you think would love to have them really wants them and will treat them with respect and not pitch them as soon as they are sure you have reached heaven.

Having cleaned out FOUR Houses now for people no longer with us, I can say that stuff is just stuff. It doesn't bring back the dead, make you closer to them, or comfort you in your grief. It clutters your house, drags you down, and pushes out the things that you love often.

It's STUFF! People don't live on and bless you from the mantle piece. The loved ones live in your heart, in your memories, and in your enduring love for them. They are part of you because of that--and it makes you who you are. That's how they live with you and are remembered. And that's something you don't box up or dust!

One new motto of mine is: I"m not running a museum here.

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

@Plaid Pants2 wrote:
@DiscountDiva wrote:
Wow! Thank you so much for all your replies. I see that many of the women on here have known from an early age that they did not want to have children. I've always been very ambivalent. Let me ask you something about fertility. I don't smoke, drink, and have never used contraceptives in the past. How would this affect my fertility? I remember buying a turquoise necklace here on QVC 5 years ago like it was yesterday! Before you know it I will be 35. That is when your biological clock really starts clicking. I better start hitting the bars!

Fertility is a quap-shoot. Sorry but it is. Just because you have never smoked/drank/ or used contraceptives, is NO guarantee that you'll get preggers on the first go around.

You are not even 30 yet, and you are obsessing about your age. Age is just a number. It doesn't mean anything.

If you have always been ambivalent about having kids, then I wouldn't have one.

You should only have kids when every fiber of your being is screaming to have one.

Not when you are ambivalent about it.

I think this is the best advice I've seen.

yisbuff2 · ‎07-18-2015

I'm 42 and child free. I do not regret it at all. With the exception of baby fever for two years in my late 30s, I only wanted kids if I was reasonably certain I had a partner and a financial situation that would allow me to support my kid(s) the way I felt they should be supported (true security, not luxury). I have children in my life in other ways, and am a devoted animal person, so I don't experience it as a lack.

It was a decision for me in several other ways, one of which was not mentioned here: my genetic lineage. I'm healthy both physically and mentally except for my bones, which are on the thinner side naturally. So, for me personally, child birth puts my actual bones and teeth at risk. That matters to me because I don't want to lose any bone mass, but it isn't the controlling factor. The controlling factor is that I have serious mental illness on both sides of my family which includes a propensity for deep addiction. I was lucky enough to escape that, but my family of origin suffered terribly because of it and one of my siblings does as well. There are stories beyond them. If I had children then there is a distinct and real possibility they would suffer, and in turn cause others to suffer, due to serious mental illness. Please understand that I think we should be MUCH better about discussing, supporting, treating, and normalizing the reality of mental illness. However, having also seen the ravaging effects on families, I just would want to (potentially) create that for a child. I think people considering children should take a hard look at the inheretences that they may pass along.