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Honored Contributor
Posts: 20,143
Registered: ‎04-18-2012

Re: Do You Know Many Women over the Age of 45 Who Regret not Having Children?

[ Edited ]

The OP didn't ask if people who made the choice to be child free regret their decision. And obviously she has not made that decision at this point. It's really too bad that this thread has been inundated by the pro child free people and not really addressed the OPs  ponderings over if she personally wants a child. 

 

Anyway, to the OP I already posted about my sisters regret about not having children. She was back and forth most of her life. Then she got married 10 years ago. Decided she wanted a child and now in her 40s still hasn't been able to get pregnant. She lived a nice single childless life for many years. I don't at all agree that you have lots and lots of time to decide. You have some time, but not forever. As I'm sure you already know. 

 

There are plenty of reasons you may not be sure if you want children. After all they are presented to us as both the fullfillment of a lifetime and as the bane of our existance by the media and other people. I think every person pondering parenthood is at least somewhat intimidated by the monumental life changing event it is. And it doesn't matter if it's your first or your 5th, it's going to change your life permanantly. You're the only one that can answer it though, as you already know. I wish you well in deciding the best choice for you. 

Don't Change Your Authenticity for Approval
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Posts: 134
Registered: ‎03-02-2015

Re: Do You Know Many Women over the Age of 45 Who Regret not Having Children?

I think many people responded this way because it is impossible to know annyone else's regrets  truthfully. So we speak for ourselves I really don't think the op would base having or not having children based on any forum. Very personal choice. I think it helps to see both sides..Maryanne

Honored Contributor
Posts: 18,324
Registered: ‎04-28-2010

Re: Do You Know Many Women over the Age of 45 Who Regret not Having Children?

[ Edited ]

I've known a few who waited, and had/are having problems re: having children.  One had the treatments/whatever and they have one child.  The others, none yet, so far.  It's a good idea to save money when without children, so they could afford the procedures later on.  Also, possibly freeze eggs ahead of time, in the beginning of the marriage, just in case, even if they don't want children at that time.

'More or less', 'Right or wrong', 'In general', and 'Just thinking out loud ' (as usual).
Honored Contributor
Posts: 20,648
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Do You Know Many Women over the Age of 45 Who Regret not Having Children?

I don't think I really have.  I know one person who got married, probably in her 30s - or so, and had one child.  She had wanted another one but her husband put the kibosh on that and she was just heartbroken.  Apparently, that wasn't what she signed up for.  So, I guess she just had to come to a point of being able to live with it.   I felt bad for her, though.

 

As for me, I never had kids and it is truly and honestly THE number one thing in this life for which I am the MOST grateful.  I couldn't have done it.  Besides, there are people who shouldn't have kids.  My mother was one, yet she cranked out a few.  I was another, as a byproduct of my horrible childhood and, even though it was kind of bad the way that worked out, I'm glad it did work out that I never ended up with kids.

 

Sometimes, at this point in my life, thoughts about who I could leave some of my things to come to mind.  Of course, that is another NON-reason to have kids, but it's just something I think about.  I have some great things that I would like to leave to somebody.   I've been thinking about that more and more, and am working on what I could do about that.  I don't have a lot of people in my life, but there are some of my things that I could see one person or another enjoying.  Smiley Happy

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Posts: 6,475
Registered: ‎03-14-2015

Re: Do You Know Many Women over the Age of 45 Who Regret not Having Children?


@JAXS Mom wrote:

The OP didn't ask if people who made the choice to be child free regret their decision. And obviously she has not made that decision at this point. It's really too bad that this thread has been inundated by the pro child free people and not really addressed the OPs  ponderings over if she personally wants a child. 

 

Anyway, to the OP I already posted about my sisters regret about not having children. She was back and forth most of her life. Then she got married 10 years ago. Decided she wanted a child and now in her 40s still hasn't been able to get pregnant. She lived a nice single childless life for many years. I don't at all agree that you have lots and lots of time to decide. You have some time, but not forever. As I'm sure you already know. 

 

There are plenty of reasons you may not be sure if you want children. After all they are presented to us as both the fullfillment of a lifetime and as the bane of our existance by the media and other people. I think every person pondering parenthood is at least somewhat intimidated by the monumental life changing event it is. And it doesn't matter if it's your first or your 5th, it's going to change your life permanantly. You're the only one that can answer it though, as you already know. I wish you well in deciding the best choice for you. 


 

 

 

Deciding to be child free is a CHOICE, just like deciding to bring a kid in to this world is a CHOICE.

 

Just because you don't agree with those who have decided for themselves to not have kids, does not give you the right to judge them.

 

Afterall, people by and large don't look down on those who do decide to procreate.

 

ONE SIZE DOES NOT FIT ALL.

 

We each have to decide what is BEST for ourselves.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 39,574
Registered: ‎08-23-2010

Re: Do You Know Many Women over the Age of 45 Who Regret not Having Children?


@JAXS Mom wrote:

The OP didn't ask if people who made the choice to be child free regret their decision. And obviously she has not made that decision at this point. It's really too bad that this thread has been inundated by the pro child free people and not really addressed the OPs  ponderings over if she personally wants a child. 

 

Anyway, to the OP I already posted about my sisters regret about not having children. She was back and forth most of her life. Then she got married 10 years ago. Decided she wanted a child and now in her 40s still hasn't been able to get pregnant. She lived a nice single childless life for many years. I don't at all agree that you have lots and lots of time to decide. You have some time, but not forever. As I'm sure you already know. 

 

There are plenty of reasons you may not be sure if you want children. After all they are presented to us as both the fullfillment of a lifetime and as the bane of our existance by the media and other people. I think every person pondering parenthood is at least somewhat intimidated by the monumental life changing event it is. And it doesn't matter if it's your first or your 5th, it's going to change your life permanantly. You're the only one that can answer it though, as you already know. I wish you well in deciding the best choice for you. 


 

People who chose not to have children either regret it .... or are glad they didn't.    There's only two options here.

 

Personally, I know 6 women who chose to not have children and NONE of them regret it.

 

The thing is ..... there are many ways to be a "mother figure".   You can care for kids in the foster care system.   You can end up marrying someone who has kids from a previous marriage.    You can adopt.

 

Another important question (if the woman isn't married and have a partner)  is can a single woman AFFORD to raise a child .... kids aren't cheap!

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,010
Registered: ‎08-29-2010

Re: Do You Know Many Women over the Age of 45 Who Regret not Having Children?

When my DH asked me to marry him, I said yes on two conditions:  

   1.  I would not join his faith.

   2.  I did not want children. 

He accepted my terms, and we were married.  We were childless for seven years and enjoyed every single minute of it.  We were young, free and had ample funds to enjoy ourselves.

 

Then to my utter amazement, I started to change my mind about wanting children.  It's approaching forty years later, and I still do not know why it happened.  Regardless, we planned for a baby, even telling my parents one Christmas that maybe by next Christmas, they'd be grandparents.  

 

That's exactly how it happened.  We had our baby, and I fell in into a love I had never known was possible.  Even now, I believe that unless or until you love a baby whose every breath you are responsible for, you cannot understand the depth of it.

 

That one little eight pound creature changed our lives in ways we never imagined.  And those changes kept on coming--through childhood, through the teen-age years and now into adulthood.  That one-time eight pound creature has turned us into grandparents now, and we are once again in shock by the (happy) changes it has made in our lives.  

 

Would we have stayed happy had we stayed childless?  I'm sure we would have and would be happy retirees, free and with ample funds to enjoy ourselves.  

 

That said, though, I wouldn't trade one single minute with our child or grandchildren for anything in the world.

Strive for respect instead of attention. It lasts longer.
Honored Contributor
Posts: 20,648
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Do You Know Many Women over the Age of 45 Who Regret not Having Children?

Great story, Mrs G!!  Heart

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Posts: 5,616
Registered: ‎10-01-2014

Re: Do You Know Many Women over the Age of 45 Who Regret not Having Children?

@IamMrsG, yes, a great story! And it proves my point exactly about not missing what you've never had (not you personally, collective you). Of course you wouldn't change your mind, you've experienced the greatest love possible in the human experience. On the other hand, if that child hadn't emerged, you (personally) would still have thought you had a great life. I am so happy for all of the happiness this life has provided you! Heart

No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted. - Aesop
Honored Contributor
Posts: 20,143
Registered: ‎04-18-2012

Re: Do You Know Many Women over the Age of 45 Who Regret not Having Children?


@Plaid Pants2 wrote:

@JAXS Mom wrote:

The OP didn't ask if people who made the choice to be child free regret their decision. And obviously she has not made that decision at this point. It's really too bad that this thread has been inundated by the pro child free people and not really addressed the OPs  ponderings over if she personally wants a child. 

 

Anyway, to the OP I already posted about my sisters regret about not having children. She was back and forth most of her life. Then she got married 10 years ago. Decided she wanted a child and now in her 40s still hasn't been able to get pregnant. She lived a nice single childless life for many years. I don't at all agree that you have lots and lots of time to decide. You have some time, but not forever. As I'm sure you already know. 

 

There are plenty of reasons you may not be sure if you want children. After all they are presented to us as both the fullfillment of a lifetime and as the bane of our existance by the media and other people. I think every person pondering parenthood is at least somewhat intimidated by the monumental life changing event it is. And it doesn't matter if it's your first or your 5th, it's going to change your life permanantly. You're the only one that can answer it though, as you already know. I wish you well in deciding the best choice for you. 


 

 

 

Deciding to be child free is a CHOICE, just like deciding to bring a kid in to this world is a CHOICE.

 

Just because you don't agree with those who have decided for themselves to not have kids, does not give you the right to judge them.

 

Afterall, people by and large don't look down on those who do decide to procreate.

 

ONE SIZE DOES NOT FIT ALL.

 

We each have to decide what is BEST for ourselves.


You should reread my post and try doing it without your own baggage, because I never implied what you claim. Of course it's a choice. If you actually read my post with an open mind you'd see that I wished the OP best wishes on making the right decision for her. Nor did I say that choosing to be child free was wrong. Having said that very few of the posts in this thread are actually about making the decision itself. Your decision was right for you. The OP has to decide what's right for her.  Posts that just say, I made  X decision and never regretted my choice means nothing to anyone else because she isn't you. 

Don't Change Your Authenticity for Approval