Re: Do I have BAD Manners?

chickenbutt · ‎03-09-2010

My take, FWIW, is that I do NOT think you have bad manners. I think that you totally meant well. But I kind of think you pushed too hard.

My husband used to do this thing - the other person would say 'I'll pay' and he would say 'no, I'll pay' and the other person would say 'no, I really want to pay' and he would - anyway, you get it - he would go back and forth and back and forth ad nauseam.

By then, the other person is frustrated and getting kind of upset. I had to tell him that the basic rule of that should be that after the second time you relent and thank the person very much.

Anyway, this is a little different in that it's about the person's address but then you clarified that you wanted to send money for her kindnesses and that probably kind of ruined it for her. It sounds like she wanted to help you out and that was that.

But I still think you meant well.

Tinkrbl44 · ‎08-23-2010

@missy1 wrote:
Very strange! I have all my friends home addresses, and they have mine. I also have their cells, home phones, and email addresses too. I also know where they work.

There is a poster on the q who doesn't give her friends her home address. Then they are NOT real friends. Maybe that is her?

Honestly, I wouldn't even bother with sending a thank you card out.

@missy1

I have no idea about the poster you referred to, but there are any number of reasons why this might be. Some people don't like people "dropping by". Who knows what's behind it?

Personally, I dealt with a crazy stalker for about 18 months, and at some point I moved in the middle of the night ...... and wouldn't give my address to anyone for the longest time. I just felt safer with people not knowing where I lived. That has changed since then, but it was a very real concern at the time.

Tinkrbl44 · ‎08-23-2010

@jubilant wrote:
It probably blessed this woman greatly to help you out. I would let her know how thankful I was (as you did) and let it go. Don't take her blessing away from her. It blesses her to bless you!

How would anyone do that?

Mominohio · ‎08-08-2010

@RinaRina wrote:
@Mominohio wrote:

You call her a friend, but don't know her address or where she lives?

Sorry! I was trying to keep the original post as brief as possible and failed to mention, I had her address. I've had it for years, but lost it. (or it might be in my house .. somewhere. But, gimme a break. I just had a knee replacement. I'm not gonna rummage thru my house looking for an old address book after having had a total knee replacement.)
She was probably offended when I told her I didn't have her address, but heck! I'm not so organized when it comes to things like that. I don't keep "addresses" because I know where people live. If I drive to someone's house, I know how to get there. I don't refer to an address book.

@RinaRina

Ok, now I see. You do know her pretty well, and just lost her address. I thought maybe you didn't know each other very well, and maybe she was just protecting her privacy.

Congrats on the bravery for your knee replacement. I need one and am avoiding it like the plague! How are you coming with your recovery? I hope you are back up and better really soon!

AuntG · ‎03-09-2010

She apparently only wants an email thank you.

Suziepeach · ‎03-10-2010

@AuntG wrote:
She apparently only wants an email thank you.

Then so be it, send a nice e-thank you card and or take her to lunch and give her a nice handwritten thank you. No, you don't have bad manners. There maybe underlying reasons she doesn't want to share about where she lives.

Go VOLS
Rocky Top you'll always be home sweet home to me.. Good ole Rocky Top, Rocky Top Tennessee... Rocky Top Tennessee

qualitygal · ‎10-04-2010

Consider yourself being blessed, by a woman who is doing what she believes in. Respect it and just be there someday, should she need you. Don't offend her by pressing her, she's told you what's what. You're very lucky to have someone like that around you, don't ever take her for granted.

Moonchilde · ‎05-23-2010

Just me, but I would have understood after the second email that she did not mean to give me her address, and I would have had a pretty good idea why - and I would have let it go. I'm sure your *insistence* on knowing her address validated your friend's suspicion that you might insist on paying her for her heartfelt, no-strings generosity, i.e. she had a hunch you might be a difficult person to do a kindness for. And she was correct. Smart woman.

Life without Mexican food is no life at all

Linds7 · ‎04-03-2010

People are strange ane we never really know what is going on in their minds. Usually our assumptions are wrong.

Just send her a lovely thank you card expressing your thanks for her generosity. Don't try to reimburse her. It was really nice of her to do what she did and she doesn't want to be paid back. So thank her and let it go. You will never know the real story so it isn't worth the time and energy to think/worry about. I'm kind of a weird person myself, and sometimes do things for odd reasons, but I do love my friends and try to be there for them. I think she did it for good reasons and that is what counts the most.

P.S. I have a wonderful friend that never posts pictures of her children on Facebook. She also never sends me their pictures when I ask for them (I send her pictures of my kids). I find it really odd, but she must have her reasons.