College Loan Default - What would you do?

seaswirl · ‎03-15-2010

My DD got married recentlly to a very nice guy. He's got two teen boys and she has 3 little girls. He was brought up in a very disfunctional family in a super urban setting. His family lived in poverty and they had nothing. He's married to my daughter now and they are very happy. However, it just seems that they are living VERY LARGE. They've been on 6 major vacations in a year (without the kids). His one son just started college and he contributed $zero. The kid called and said he needed a laptop, and he said "that's why we told you to get a job 2 years ago." When my kids went to college, we took out a second mortgage to pay the bill. The kid's grandfather took out a personal loan for college. Well, today I got a call from a collection company because he is in deafult on HIS college loans from 15 years ago. They wanted to know if I knew his phone number.

What would you do?

Ms X · ‎09-13-2012

I wouldn't give them his phone number but would instead tell my daughter about the call. Shame on him for spending money on vacations but defaulting on his college loans! If everyone did that, the program would collapse. Still, if they are happy together I'd stay out of their finances unless I was asked.

As for his kids, this could be a good thing for them. It will teach them to save and be responsible for themselves. My parents never contributed a thing to my education all the way through graduate school and never even inquired about it. They didn't even pay for my college applications. I was on my own at 18 and knew I was basically on life's tightrope without a net. I learned to work and save. In the end, their kids could turn out more responsible than their father. Sometimes it's as bad or worse to have everything given to you than it is to have no help.

Ibby114 · ‎03-10-2010

He might be a very nice guy- but he's a very irresponsible guy. You take care of financial responsibilites before 'the fluff' .... his priorities need to be re-examined.

Honestly, I would have given the collection agency his phone number- and let your daughter know ahead of time Some people depend on others enabling them - and they never grow up.

I sound harsh in this regard- because I lived it with my ex husband!

NicksmomESQ · ‎08-19-2014

I would stay out of it & not get involved!! Don't give out anybody's phone number.The most you should do is call the person & advise him of the inquiry your received about him.After that it's not your problem!!

muttmom · ‎11-28-2012

@seaswirl wrote:
My DD got married recentlly to a very nice guy. He's got two teen boys and she has 3 little girls. He was brought up in a very disfunctional family in a super urban setting. His family lived in poverty and they had nothing. He's married to my daughter now and they are very happy. However, it just seems that they are living VERY LARGE. They've been on 6 major vacations in a year (without the kids). His one son just started college and he contributed $zero. The kid called and said he needed a laptop, and he said "that's why we told you to get a job 2 years ago." When my kids went to college, we took out a second mortgage to pay the bill. The kid's grandfather took out a personal loan for college. Well, today I got a call from a collection company because he is in deafult on HIS college loans from 15 years ago. They wanted to know if I knew his phone number.

What would you do?

No offense but based on what you've told us, he doesn't sound like a very nice guy.

Your daughter must have some idea about her husband's financial status. If not she is very naive. Does she have a great job? She must know living large is costly.

Why would a collection agency call you?

tansy · ‎01-02-2011

I wouldn't have given a debt collector my SIL's phone number but would tell him about the call.

It is possible the loans were actually paid off and the records weren't updated. Something like that happened to my son once.

When you said the "kid's grandfather" took out a loan, @seaswirl, do you mean the grandfather of the boy who needed a laptop? I hope so:/

3suwm5 · ‎06-15-2016

That's a difficult one, for sure. I hope your DD and her new husband talked about finances before they got married.

We paid for our children's college years, everything during those years. They also had friends that didn't get anything paid by their parents, so they DO appreciate what we did for them. If a person wants to be financially responsible, I think most of them will be. You have to assume your role as a parent, in that, you explain that you won't be paying because.....or you will play until this happens, i.e. you graduate......... Something so the child knows where they stand.

Ours both have graduated and have full-time jobs. Their bills are their own now and they know, you work, you save and you spend sensibly. If not, you fix it yourself.

I guess I would worry about what else is going to be a surprise, for your DD and her children???? I'm sorry, I feel bad for the situation. Hopefully, this will be the only surprise.

NicksmomESQ · ‎08-19-2014

Oh your son in law's student loan debt cannot be discharged in bankruptcy!! Which means he still owes it plus compounding interest forever.You should know that his assets can be attached!! If your daughter holds any $$ or property jointly with him she is exposed too!!

On second thought you might want to tell your daughter so she can take the necessary steps to protect herself!! Let her tell her husband rather than you!!

hckynut · ‎03-10-2010

@seaswirl

You say he lived in poverty, and as a person that also grew up in, what is now called poverty, I would think this guy would be like myself and many others that grew up the same way.

We wanted more, so we started working in our single digit age, so we could earn our money to attain some of those things. Guess not in this era of time. It appears his son is the same as his dad(his apple fell right next his tree).

What would I do? First off I have no human kids, but I have life experience of being close to many that have raised their children, thus a bit of understanding.

His kid got the money for college, right? Or did the dad sign the "student loan". So now you are involved, why? Who gave them your number?

Anyways, knowing only part of this story, I would give them his phone number. When someone turn 18, that are legally responsible for any contract they sign. I have zero empathy or sympathy for anyone that believes they are owed, because they were born.

hckynut(john)

Cakers3 · ‎06-17-2015

Who is in default? DD's husband? Or his son? Who is the grandfather?

Who's on first????

I didn't know that a collection agency could call family members asking for a phone number. Surely with today's openess the agency can locate the info on its own.

Nevertheless, I wouldn't give out any personal info.

Odd story.

"" Compassion is a verb."-Thich Nhat Hanh