Among Friends

[Carmie]

@sktchy Yes, but this can't go on forever.  My brother has two kids in college... the oldest is in Med School,  and the other is a freshman.  He pays a ton of tutition.

i am not comfortable spending my money on her when she is foolish and makes no effort to control her spending. 

I don't want my children to get stuck paying my bills some day.  It'll continue until she is either too old to live alone or my brother and I can't afford to do it.

[panda1234]

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@godi wrote:

My father was widowed when I was young. He had three children and a mortgage. We didn't have the best but we never went without. When he retired he worked part time to supplement his income, when he got sick my brother and helped him. My brother moved in with him, and we both made sure he had what he needed till the day he died. He did for us and we were honored to do for him. 

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You were wonderful children and it sounds like you had a good role model.

[151949]

One of my brothers & I were helping out our parents until we found out my Mom was sending the money to our neer do well youngest brother. We didn't find this out until Mom was dead and our Dad was in a nursing home. Brother was very distraught when we told him the steady flow of cash was finished and he had to earn his own way, same as the rest of us. 

[panda1234]

One of the greatests gifts you can give your child, is to have everything in order when you pass on. 

[Hayfield]

I never had to, my parents and my DH's parents, all of modest means, lived within or below their means, so if they would've  lived longer they most likely would've needed help and I would've gladly helped them.  Having said that I don't know what I would do if we had parents that just spent every dime and were irresponsible.  I have a friend that has a mother-in-law who spent every dime she ever had and her own son stopped helping her at one point, because she would just spend the money and come back again and again and he knew she would never stop spending, so he cut her off.  It has to be hard to have a parent like that.  

[adamlambert]

my MIL would call with sob stories to get money. They never managed money, spent and lived for today only. Turns out, she was giving the money to another kid. Learned that lesson!!  

[panda1234]

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@Adamlambert wrote:

my MIL would call with sob stories to get money. They never managed money, spent and lived for today only. Turns out, she was giving the money to another kid. Learned that lesson!!  

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WOW, shame on her.

[Allegheny]

I didn't need to, but if my parents would have needed assistance, I would have helped them as much as I could.  However I can say this because both my parents were very responsible with the funds and spending.

I did have a great Aunt who insisted on living the "high life" without the means to pay for it.  She married into a well to do family and I heard stories how she hit them up for money, until they finally cut ties with her and her husband.  She also approached all of her siblings, nieces/nephews, great nieces/nephews, even extending to her business associates, customers and her neighbors.  She was a very gracious, nice person and unbelievably most of those who loaned her money, just gave it to her without expecting repayment.

[shoptilyadropagain]

I'm fortunate in that while my parents didn't have high paying jobs, they worked very hard and lived well below their means.  Growing up we had everything we needed and were still able to take family vacations.  They always had a rainy day savings account.  Their funeral services were prepaid and preplanned.  I'm so glad I was raised this way!  I'd worry myself (literally) to death if I didn't know how the mortgage or rent was going to get paid each and every month, year after year!!!!

[software]

I never gave my parents money, they lived too close to the casinos.

But I made sure they had everything they needed, such as replacing their a/c and such.

Plus I was NEVER a burden on them growing up or as an adult.   I started working when I was 17.

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@sissel wrote:

Just adding into elderly parents driving which my 90yr FIL still doing it plus want to say my DH & SIL have to give him monthly checks to pay his bills. He never saved a cent, thought soc sec would take care of him well NO so we have to send him monthly checks to pay his bills. Reversed his mortgage at 65yrs but the checks stopped now, so we got to help him out. When MIL died DH & his sister had to pay for funeral also when he goes same thing. My parents were so organized had funeral money account made it easier for me & brother. Why do some parents don't care, live a life style the can't afford & don't care? Their kids have to pay the toll.

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