What is wrong with people........

CrazyKittyLvr2 · ‎05-11-2013

A friend just told me her daughter is getting divorced. Mom is not just upset which would be a normal reaction but crying and almost inconsolable. Here is my problem, when daughter, Becky, was a 16 she got pregnant (not an ideal situation but it happens), had a little girl, but finished high school and college. She is pretty, bright and has a good job. I was never impressed with the boyfriend, Mike, standoffish, big ego and ever showed much interest in the baby. When the little girl was 2 he told my friend's daughter he wasn't in love with her anymore. End of story, nope. Less than a year later my friend meets me for lunch floating on air announcing Becky and MIke had gotten engaged. Her exact words were "it's so exciting we are going to be planning a wedding." Huh! You are excited about your daughter marrying a man who, not long ago said he wasn't in love with her anymore. Of course I didn't say that to her. They got married and here we are years later she finds out he has been fooling around for a long time. I know as a Mother, that you want your kids to be happy, but really why would anyone be excited to see their daughter marry someone who said they didn't love her. As terrible as it sounds I am having a hard time being sympathic being she encouraged the whole thing. What would you do?

NoelSeven · ‎03-09-2010

The circumstances are irrelevant, imo. Your friend is in pain, that is what you respond to... that someone you care about hurts.

A Thrill Of Hope The Weary World Rejoices

missy1 · ‎03-10-2010

The op friend was hoping he would change. They usually don't when they cheat.

deepwaterdotter · ‎03-09-2010

I would change the subject to something less personal and more pleasant.

Goldengate8361 · ‎01-27-2014

There's nothing for you to do except be a friend to your friend. You should also just be grateful for your wisdom and maturity about men. It just takes some women longer than others to get it.

Preds · ‎12-17-2012

As a mother you respect their wishes, even though you want to hurt him. As a friend, you pray for the best outcome. As an outsider ... I'd kick his buns so far away that no one would ever find him again. ${#emotions_dlg.sneaky}$ For the sweet child ... I hope that no matter the outcome, both parents will love, respect and raise her to be the best she can be.

Fate whispers to her, "You cannot withstand the storm." She whispers back, "I am the storm."

Marp2 · ‎01-31-2012

You asked what would you do? If I couldn't be supportive of a friend obviously in emotional pain I would minimize contact at least for a while and evaluate how much that person really means to me, whether my disapproval of her outweighs our personal relationship. I'd also consider whether my interaction with her would/could be nonjudgmental.

Since your narrative only voices your disapproval of your friend's family situation it is not clear why your friend is so traumatized. Is she in such pain because her daughter and grandchild are hurting, the disruption to their lives and the difficult times both will be facing? Divorce regardless of the circumstances is painful and impacts more than the couple.

Surfnturf · ‎03-09-2010

I would do nothing. Unless your friend asks for your opinion, she is just venting to you. When people vent, they aren't seeking opinions, They just need someone to listen to them. This is especially true when it concerns a friend's children. Follow this advice, and you will be a true friend to her during this sad time.

CrazyKittyLvr2 · ‎05-11-2013

Thanks for the quick responses. I would never say anything to hurt her feelings and I will continue to let her talk and vent. Of course I saw things in a different way. I go on facts and what makes sense to me and she is totally driven by emotion. When the kids were buying a house I saw them a couple of days before the closing Becky was thrilled and Mike looked like he was going to a firing squad. I guess people see what they want to see. Hopefully everyone will move on and find happiness.

Luv2Decorate · ‎03-12-2010

I would be supportive as possible and be sure not to bad mouth the guy too much, because if by some chance they get back together the negative comments could come back to bite you in the rear. That happened to a good friend of mine... Yikes it turned UGLY.