Some Family Drama...What Would You Do???

terrier3 · ‎03-10-2010

We had Thanksgiving at my cousin's house. We are fairly close.

At one point we were alone, and she had some news for me. We have a history of breast cancer among the aunts in my mom's family - five out of 10 aunt's got BC...including 3 before age 50. That's 50% of my grandmom's daughters. She had 15 children in all - so we have a LOT of cousins. As we are aging, we have a variety of diseases (only natural!).

One cousin got BC at 45...she has 3 daughters. They recently found out they carry a BRCA gene. All 3 are lawyers and all 3 just had mastectomies and reconstructive surgery. Then 3 of my cousins (2 in their 70s) had the same surgery.

My close cousin is a PA and a researcher at a university - she just turned 64. She refused to be tested and said if she had the gene, she would be screened more often, but wouldn't have pre-emptive surgery. They were all discussing how to tell me I had to be tested too.

I have regular mammograms (no issues) and am 60. I don't want the "Angelina" surgery either....I like as little medical intervention as possible,

Now the one set of cousins are harassing my close cousin and telling her she is too scared to know the truth. I actually trust her medical judgment over all the rest combined (and several of them are trial lawyers - no one else is in medicine).

What would YOU do???

deepwaterdotter · ‎03-09-2010

Be the cousin who lends a sympathetic ear, but does not judge any of the cousins involved in the "drama".

Irshgrl31201 · ‎03-18-2010

If that is what they wanted to do then that is their decision but I cannot imagine harassing someone to do the same thing. I mean she is the most educated of them all about this and they really have a lot of nerve to do that to her. I would remind them of that and even if she wasn't in the medical field and wasn't very informed about it, it is still her decision not to take such a radical approach if she doesn't want to.

Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable.
JFK

abbeythe 8th · ‎04-17-2010

The Angelina surgery????

kdgn · ‎03-09-2010

I'd tell them to back off, she can make her own medical decisions without any harassment from others. She knows, she understands and she has made her choice. Leave her alone before they cause a major rift in the family.

terrier3 · ‎03-10-2010

On 11/28/2014 deepwaterdotter said:
Be the cousin who lends a sympathetic ear, but does not judge any of the cousins involved in the "drama".

That's what I am doing...but I'm sure they will be very angry with ME because I also don't want the test and would NEVER consider reconstruction.

I guess they have been trying to reach me via phone, but I haven't been home much and don't have an answering machine on my home phone.

It's only a matter of time before they catch up with me.

terrier3 · ‎03-10-2010

On 11/28/2014 abbeythe8th said:
The Angelina surgery????

Shortcut for removal of breasts, reconstruction and removal of ovaries.

chessylady · ‎05-01-2010

Maybe they are seeking justification or validation of their own choices. At any rate, it is a very personal decision that should be between a woman and her doctor.

terrier3 · ‎03-10-2010

On 11/28/2014 Hildegarde Withers said:
I wouldn't get involved. If they do mention something about it to you, you could tell them that it's her decision to make.

It's also MY decision to make - they will be attacking ME...not just my cousin.

Tyak · ‎01-26-2013

On 11/28/2014 terrier3 said:
On 11/28/2014 Hildegarde Withers said:
I wouldn't get involved. If they do mention something about it to you, you could tell them that it's her decision to make.

It's also MY decision to make - they will be attacking ME...not just my cousin.

terrier, as someone who has had bc, just be diligent in doing breast exams and as the brca gena can mean someone is more likely to get ovarian cancer, be aware of your body and any changes. Don't let anyone, especially family, push you into doing something you aren't comfortable doing. Best of luck to you and your cousin.