Forgivness

True words. At times hard to do, been there. Sometimes you can forgive but the possibility of continuing a relationship is gone, however, you can still love the person and wish the best for him.

I totally agree.....some people hang onto grudges like they're gold....

It is a great idea to be able to forgive and go on; however, in my years of dealing with my former in-laws, both sides have to be able to forgive. I attempted to offer this suggestion to them many years ago and while the other side hears the idea, they have to agree to it in order for that to happen and without any "buts".

It takes both sides in order to accomplish it.

At this time in my life, thankfully, I don't have to deal with that situation anymore.

There have been many interesting threads on the topic of forgiveness. I think it's essential to realize that forgiveness doesn't mean what the person did was okay, it just means you no longer allow it to affect you. Holding onto it is poisoning yourself -- like the old adage, anger is an acid that does far more damage to the vessel which holds it than to anything on which it's poured.

I saw a story (true) about a woman who had been viciously raped, beaten, left for dead, almost DID die after suffering a stroke after her attack.

She made a miraculous recovery and was still working on getting her ability to speak back when she forgave her attacker in court.

She told the interviewer that she did it so that she could move on with her life. She certainly wasn't saying that what this monster had done to her was okay.

An amazing, strong woman.

I forgive (defined as no longer feeling anger or resentment toward someone who has offended you) but I do not forget. I believe people when they show me who they are and I don't put myself in a position where they can hurt me twice. That's what I mean by not forgetting. So if I had a family member who had really hurt me in the past I would avoid contact with them or remain as distant as possible from them. I'm not talking petty grudges and bickering. I'm talking about someone who has really done harm.

Sometimes the best thing to do is to walk away from these relatives. Sometimes the water under the bridge is just too much to forgive or forget, it can be years of bad memories.

I keep the following taped up next to my PC.

From Forgive for Good by Dr Fred Luskin:

What Forgiveness Is:

Forgiveness is for you and not the offender.

Forgiveness is taking back your power.

Forgiveness is taking responsibility for how you feel.

Forgiveness is about your healing and not about the people who hurt you.

Forgiveness helps you get control over your feelings.

Forgiveness can improve your mental and physical health.

Forgiveness is becoming a hero instead of a victim.

Forgiveness is a choice.

Everyone can learn to forgive.

What Forgiveness Is Not:

Forgiveness is not condoning unkindness.

Forgiveness is not forgetting that something painful happened.

Forgiveness is not excusing poor behavior.

Forgiveness is not denying or minimizing your hurt.

Forgiveness does not mean reconciling with the offender.

Forgiveness does not mean you have to give up having feelings.