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Super Contributor
Posts: 3,772
Registered: ‎06-25-2013

Today was that day I have been dreading all my life.... lost my daddy this afternoon. I was with him, he didn't seem to suffer, he just gradually stopped breathing. He had been on such a decline, and it became obvious the last few days that he was never going to come home with me. It was basically a death watch. I met with a Chaplain at my dad's bedside yesterday and he prayed with me/us. He said he believed my dad was aware of me, even though he was no longer able to speak, just whispered mumbles. When I went home last night he was resting, and when I called this morning I was told he was the same, no better but no worse. I was getting showered and ready when I got the call that his condition had worsened and I should get over as soon as I could. His blood pressure was dropping and his breathing was more shallow and labored. I sat and held his hand, kissed him, cried a lot, but told him what an amazing father he was, great husband to my mom, and such a wonderful and loving man for our family. I was such a blessed girl to have him. I think he knew I was there, his hand squeezed mine, or it was just muscle twitches, but he held my hand pretty firmly. He had lost so much weight over the past several weeks that his once strong and firm hands seemed so fragile in mine. I hugged him and tried to take in every detail, even though he no longer resembled the dad I once had, even before he went to hospital. I told him that it was okay for him to go, he didn't need to worry or hang on for me...that I will forever miss him, but he needs to go and be happy with mom... as long as he promised they would both watch over me, and I would do my best to live the rest of my life in a way that would make him proud. It wasn't long after that his breaths were less frequent, and then he moved on.

I am devastated, even though I knew this day would come sooner than I wanted, it's never something one can totally prepare for. He was my world, we were a team, and I am left in an empty house with far too many reminders, lots to do, and uncertain of where to begin. I even had to pack up his belongings from the nursing facility, to bring them home. I am in the process of notifying long distance family that cared, and family friends. The mortuary people came and picked him up, and they are the same ones that have handled many deaths in our family, including my mom. They understand my grief, yet I still need to contact them tomorrow to handle all the "paperwork" and details. Fortunately my dad and I had a discussion last year about where he wanted to be at the end, and that is when he selected a military cemetery in San Diego. Mom is there waiting for him, although he is already with her where it matters.

I suppose some will question why I would be posting here on the day my father died, but many have been so compassionate about my father's health and our situation, and even the new puppy, so I felt it appropriate to share. She was waiting for me when I got home, and she sensed things were different. Even though my dad never was really aware enough to know her, she had licked him when I took her on a couple visits. Perhaps she really was a gift, sent to give me purpose when I most need it.

I know in my heart, today was a perfect day for my daddy to go "home", and for that it is indeed a Good Friday, but it is so painful all the same.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 13,953
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Good Friday...not so good

Jules, Jules...

I haven't read more than a sentence or two yet, but I had to stop to tell you how very sorry I am. My very sincere condolences to you. What a terrible loss for you. I know that pain from when I lost my mother and then my father.

I think your new love got there just in time for you.

A Thrill Of Hope The Weary World Rejoices
Super Contributor
Posts: 750
Registered: ‎03-12-2010

Re: Good Friday...not so good

I am so sorry to hear this, Jules. Please accept my condolences on your painful loss.

Money doesn't talk; it swears. --Bob Dylan
Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,393
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Good Friday...not so good

Jules I am so sorry for your loss. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. He is at peace. Wish I had the right words for you now.... Hugs to you.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,357
Registered: ‎03-23-2010

Re: Good Friday...not so good

I am not a regular poster to you but, I am so very sorry for your loss.

Valued Contributor
Posts: 2,146
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Good Friday...not so good

I am so sorry, Jules.
Regular Contributor
Posts: 151
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Good Friday...not so good

I'm very sorry for your loss, Jules. May you be comforted in your time of sorrow.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,680
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Good Friday...not so good

I'm sorry, Jules.

Super Contributor
Posts: 3,036
Registered: ‎03-21-2010

Re: Good Friday...not so good

I am sorry for your loss, Jules. You and I haven't posted together often, but I have read along as you have shared about your dad's condition. So sorry.
Honored Contributor
Posts: 9,812
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Good Friday...not so good

My sweet, sweet Jules. I am so sorry about your daddy. I can empathize with you as mine passed away almost the very same way. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers and I am sending you a huge hug!!!!! My heart is breaking for you, my friend. Try to stay strong and we are here for you!!!!!!!!

Go VOLS
Rocky Top you'll always be home sweet home to me.. Good ole Rocky Top, Rocky Top Tennessee... Rocky Top Tennessee