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What is your definition of A GOOD HUSBAND? How has your definition changed? What advice would you give to a young woman?

Started 1391726741.13 in Viewpoints | Last reply 1391805380.46 by Ford1224

What is your definition of A GOOD HUSBAND?

How has your definition changed?

What advice would you give to a young woman?

Examples of joy...examples of puzzlement...examples of exasperation...???

Thank you!

-Solar Smile

"What man actually needs is not some tension-less state but rather the striving and struggling for some goal worthy of him."
-Viktor Frankl

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mominohio1391729812.6572819 PostsRegistered 8/8/2010

No man (or woman) for that matter is perfect. Get used to that fact and embrace it. You aren't going to "change" him, so don't go into it thinking you will. People change over time, and you will and so will he, over decades of marriage. Know it from the beginning, and pay attention to ways to embrace/accept those changes, or your marriage will fail.

He is not your knight in shinning armor. I warn my son about what young girls are expecting today based on the books/movies out there that portray men as their saviors. Women need to be strong, able to take care of themselves and others as well.

A good husband (or spouse in general) is honest, kind, understanding. They will be a provider when needed, accept help, give help, respect you and others.

hckynut1391729922.84719055 PostsRegistered 5/20/2006Nebraska

What is your definition of A GOOD HUSBAND?

One that treats their special lady as an equal or above.



hckynut(john)




BonnieBelle1391729928.96319258 PostsRegistered 4/13/2007

This is a great topic that I think about all the time but I can't post my answers here.

JuJu Squee­zie1391730006.177872 PostsRegistered 8/16/2013

Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast,
it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered,
it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil
but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts,
always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.

Author: The Bible: 1 Corinthians 13:4

Last edited on 2/6/2014

serenna1391731058.55679 PostsRegistered 8/12/2013

Panda Wrangler perfect post {#emotions_dlg.thumbup}

CookyJ1391733332.12373 PostsRegistered 7/18/2011
Ditto Panda Wrangler's post....my mother gave me this same advice when I was young.....it was great advice then and now.

Love Roses1391741290.28710080 PostsRegistered 1/10/2007
On 2/6/2014 mominohio said:

No man (or woman) for that matter is perfect. Get used to that fact and embrace it. You aren't going to "change" him, so don't go into it thinking you will. People change over time, and you will and so will he, over decades of marriage. Know it from the beginning, and pay attention to ways to embrace/accept those changes, or your marriage will fail.

He is not your knight in shinning armor. I warn my son about what young girls are expecting today based on the books/movies out there that portray men as their saviors. Women need to be strong, able to take care of themselves and others as well.

A good husband (or spouse in general) is honest, kind, understanding. They will be a provider when needed, accept help, give help, respect you and others.

I completely agree with this post. Along with that, I will add - what will the female bring to the relationship? The old saying "Know thyself" is extremely important. Always check your motives. Have realistic expectations.

Never Forget - The Native American Indian Holocausts!

skuggles1391745186.507913 PostsRegistered 11/19/2013

A good husband believes in the sanctity of marriage. He may have seen it in his parents or he may have learned it in his religion, or maybe some other way but somehow he understands this concept and has taken it completely to heart.

Pook1391765512.983468 PostsRegistered 5/5/2007

I do think it's different for everyone. What one would consider a great attribute, another would not.

The quote from Corinthians says it all.

It also appears that a lot of women tend to think that a man has to change to suit them and seem to have the idea that they are some sort of great prize that the man should be grateful for and a lot of men have been raised with the same attitude which is no wonder relationships don't work and there are so many splits. Who can be happy under those conditions.

I would and have given this advice to many. As long as there are no malicious intentions, just accept the differences in each other and remember that this is the person you love. Each can choose to change to make the relationship better but it can't be forced by the other.

Preds1391776588.1620090 PostsRegistered 12/17/2012Wherever I land, that's where I am

A man that can put up with me at all times and still love me.

Some people should use a glue stick instead of chapstick.

I love how in scary movies the person yells out, "Hello?" As if the killer is going to be like, "Yeah, I'm in the kitchen, want a sandwich?"

happy hous­ewife1391777630.04730547 PostsRegistered 1/4/2007
My advice - watch how he treats his Mother - that is similar to how he will treat you. What makes a good husband - one who actually WANTS to be a husband - so often a young girl does whatever to try and make a guy marry her - in my experience those situations never turn out well. He must be employed - what he does isn't nearly as important as the fact that he does actually work - and you and he need to share the same values. things like being good looking or sexy don't matter - once you fall in love with him you will find him very attractive.And that fades with age anyway. and, of course, you both need to feel the same way about having children.

When faced with senseless drama, spiteful criticism or misguided opinions walking away is the best way to defend yourself.To respond with anger is an endorsement of their attitude. -Dodinsky

Luv2Decora­te1391778111.1836257 PostsRegistered 5/2/2008Floating on Lake Michigan

I think if a man is sensible, good worth ethic and character, fun to be with, smart, and loving you can have a great life together as long as you have the same qualities.

I will never understand why people choose partners who aren't nice to them and expect it to change once they commit.

God is Great, Beer is Good and People are Crazy.

straykatz1391786885.118503 PostsRegistered 6/13/2007

A good husband is someone whose faults you can live with and he is able to live with your faults....never go to bed angry...and never use the silent treatment...if you can't talk it over to work it out then you're with the wrong person.

@-->-->---

Sometimes you just need to take a nap and get over it.

vermint1391787808.9431255 PostsRegistered 9/5/2007Southeast USA

My definition of "romance" has changed over the years (going on 39). Romance is not necessarily candlelight dinners, flowers, and fancy gifts...romance is cleaning up the cat barf for me because he knows doing that squicks me out! {#emotions_dlg.wub}

Luv2Decora­te1391789298.486257 PostsRegistered 5/2/2008Floating on Lake Michigan
On 2/7/2014 vermint said:

My definition of "romance" has changed over the years (going on 39). Romance is not necessarily candlelight dinners, flowers, and fancy gifts...romance is cleaning up the cat barf for me because he knows doing that squicks me out! {#emotions_dlg.wub}

That is so true. Some people need to know that life isn't all romance. It's about sharing life together, the good, bad and ugly. Some need to be gushed over all of the time and if it's not like it was when they first dated, it's bad. Whereas I like that our relationship has changed, it's very comfortable and it's so easy. Ha!

God is Great, Beer is Good and People are Crazy.

MrsLorraine1391789847.3773995 PostsRegistered 7/5/2012

My definition of a good husband is my husband.

straykatz1391790146.028503 PostsRegistered 6/13/2007

Romance is something that doesn't have to fade away or die with time.....make time for romance...have a date night....have a candlelit dinner just because....hold hands....etc.....it's too easy to take each other for granted after many years of being together....like any part of a good relationship it takes work...good marriages/relationships don't just happen. Smile

@-->-->---

Sometimes you just need to take a nap and get over it.

Solar1391795812.4473968 PostsRegistered 8/24/2007
On 2/7/2014 happy housewife said: My advice - watch how he treats his Mother - that is similar to how he will treat you. What makes a good husband - one who actually WANTS to be a husband - so often a young girl does whatever to try and make a guy marry her - in my experience those situations never turn out well. He must be employed - what he does isn't nearly as important as the fact that he does actually work - and you and he need to share the same values. things like being good looking or sexy don't matter - once you fall in love with him you will find him very attractive.And that fades with age anyway. and, of course, you both need to feel the same way about having children.

happy housewife:

YES -- watch how he treats his mother & WHAT HE EXPECTS FROM HIS MOTHER! My mil expected her son to pitch in and help with dishes, cleaning etc. and he is still this way in our house. (YAY!) On the other hand a friend of mine has a husband whose mother practically wiped his chin when he was 17 and he took that for granted -- GUESS WHAT HE EXPECTS FROM HIS WIFE!

-Solar

"What man actually needs is not some tension-less state but rather the striving and struggling for some goal worthy of him."
-Viktor Frankl

vermint1391797566.221255 PostsRegistered 9/5/2007Southeast USA
On 2/7/2014 Solar said:
On 2/7/2014 happy housewife said: My advice - watch how he treats his Mother - that is similar to how he will treat you. What makes a good husband - one who actually WANTS to be a husband - so often a young girl does whatever to try and make a guy marry her - in my experience those situations never turn out well. He must be employed - what he does isn't nearly as important as the fact that he does actually work - and you and he need to share the same values. things like being good looking or sexy don't matter - once you fall in love with him you will find him very attractive.And that fades with age anyway. and, of course, you both need to feel the same way about having children.

happy housewife:

YES -- watch how he treats his mother & WHAT HE EXPECTS FROM HIS MOTHER! My mil expected her son to pitch in and help with dishes, cleaning etc. and he is still this way in our house. (YAY!) On the other hand a friend of mine has a husband whose mother practically wiped his chin when he was 17 and he took that for granted -- GUESS WHAT HE EXPECTS FROM HIS WIFE!

-Solar

I agree with both of you on this! My late, lovely MIL was much loved and respected by her children, because she earned it. She taught all of them values, how to handle money, and how to take care of themselves--not all of them took these lessons to heart, but my DH certainly did. I used to thank her all the time for raising a son who knew how to cook, do laundry, sew on a button, run the dishwasher, etc. She's been gone for 4 years now, and we still miss her!

RedTop1391804619.5474347 PostsRegistered 9/1/2010

When I married, I was looking for the qualities I admired in my Dad; honest, hard working, good provider, and a caring person. I had also heard the advice as to watch how your prospective husband treats his mother, and saw a deep, caring relationship there as well. Forty years later, this good man is still by my side. The last 6 weeks of my MIL's life, my husband lived with her Monday through Friday, and took care of her round the clock, while his sister and younger brother worked---they provided care for their mother on the weekends. Despite the fact I firmly believe my husband and I are polar opposites, I also feel he is the only man who can even begin to understand me and make me happy.

Ford12241391805380.469943 PostsRegistered 3/25/2012Medford, NJ

I would be the last person in the world to give advice on that topic. I married twice, picked poorly (for different reasons, they were both high earners), and have been divorced since 1975, never to marry again. I did have one long, sweet relationship, but we never married or lived together, and it ended because of issues with my health.

In between I dated a lot of men, and when I look back, there was nary a one with whom I would have had a successful marriage. We do not have a good track record in my family of nearly 40 from the original four of us.

Last edited on 2/7/2014

Whatsoever things are true, honest, just, pure, lovely, of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

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