Fear of flying

Please forgive the length of this. I'm a wordy person sometimes. I know we've had numerous threads on fear of flying before, over the years.

I wish I were an "easy" flier, but I'm just not. I'm not afraid of the pilot having a heart attack or near misses in the air or anything like that. For me it's two things. First is the weight of the plane. I absolutely can't even think about a fully loaded plane. Loaded with passengers and luggage. And then you're barreling down the runway and they have to get it up in the air. Taking off is horrible for me. Just terrible.

Then I'm "ok" while we're up there unless there is turbulence.

I LOVE to land- LOL. The closer we get to the ground the better I am. Giddy, chatting with my seatmates.

The second problem and I think the biggest problem, is my claustrophobia. I seem to do ok once we're in the air cause like what are you gonna do, but the second we land I want off. I mean I really want off immediately. And everyone's standing in the aisles and no one's moving because the doors aren't open yet and you're blocked in your seat. It's just about too much for me. It really is. And, heaven forbid I ever be on a flight that sits for hours on the tarmac. You know... 4-5 hours or 10 minutes. I can promise you, they'd get me off. I absolutely couldn't stand it. And they couldn't probably stand me, again, LOL. They'd push me out of the pilot's windshield.

A few years ago I actually flew and when we got back to Atlanta storms were moving in and we did the sit on the tarmac thing, in sight of the gate. 22 minutes. I was quiet, but really close to full scale panic. I kept saying to my husband (quietly)"please get me out of here. I need to get out of here". A 15 year old sitting across the aisle from me started talking to me and kept me occupied like you would a three year old.

Anyway, I might have to fly here in the next day or two or one day next week. And I honestly don't think I can do it. I have some Ativan I can take and that would help, but we'll be landing in Philadelphia and it's still a 3 hour drive to where we need to be. I don't want to and won't drive if I've taken a tranquilizer. Such a dilemma.

I apologize for the length of my post. I hate that I'm like this and the fear/phobia is that strong. Just hate it. Oh... and I've already started looking at the weather for Phila. for Thursday which is probably when we'd go. Possible severe storms. I don't know that I'd even get on the plane here if I knew the weather was bad there.

And if you're wondering, I've flown alot and like alot of other people have had some bad experiences. I don't know if that adds to my angst. I don't really think so. I think that's it's mostly my claustrophobia which has gotten really strong in past years.

If I go, I'm going to fly first class so that I can have as much room as possible- less opportunity for the blocked in feeling.