We bought a condo eight years, we are paying my mom $500 per month( interest) because she put in $100,000 ( we borrowed) from her ( the house is paid off). We did have to pay about $20,000 for taxes because we had to cash her bonds. We sold our home and looking for a larger home now, I told my mom that the interest now is so low that we will give her what the bank gives and pay for the bond taxes again. My mom has a large amount of bonds. My mom now doesn't like the idea that she will not be getting the 5% interest checks per month. I told her that I would just go to a bank and get a loan our self. My mom is now complaining about her share in gas money. We agreed to splitting the gas up/one week her and one week me. I take my mom out and help her everyday with groceries and what ever she needs. I am angry that she is mentioning the gas money because I go and get my mom, take her home and help her and on Sunday's my husband takes out her trash. We don't live more that 10 minutes apart but I feel very unappreciated. Now, she is telling me to look at where our money is going to because my husband makes a very good living and we should have a large savings account. My mom told me she doesn't trust men. I told her that a large portion goes to taxes/medical/ taking care of two children and everyday bills. BTW -my mom's name is on the house, we have never been late for a payment. sorry to vent but I want to be fair. Should I pay all the gas money? Over the last 8 years we have paid my mom over $50k and that didn't include our $20k for bond taxes.
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carrob1340039541.4631706 PostsRegistered 10/6/2010 FL How much is the gas bill, if nominal I would pay it to keep her happy. Jasminesun1340039701.617246 PostsRegistered 7/29/2006 Do you really want to air your dirty laundry on a beauty board? This sounds like a very private matter and I would hope for you that this could be ironed out with those involved by open communication, not by being guided by strangers who are here to discuss beauty topics. gas is expensive about $70 per week. NewerName1340039844.251023 PostsRegistered 5/10/2012 On 6/18/2012 Jasminesun said: Do you really want to air your dirty laundry on a beauty board? This sounds like a very private matter and I would hope for you that this could be ironed out with those involved by open communication, not by being guided by strangers who are here to discuss beauty topics. Well said. Big second! On 6/18/2012 Jasminesun said: Do you really want to air your dirty laundry on a beauty board? This sounds like a very private matter and I would hope for you that this could be ironed out with those involved by open communication, not by being guided by strangers who are here to discuss beauty topics.
Sometimes posters just like to vent, and get unbiased opinions. Especially if they don't have someone else to talk tol. Nothing wrong with that if they feel comfortable asking here.
When we shoulder the mantle of compassion no cry goes unheard and no wound goes unhealed. In this world of seemingly endless suffering we have to believe that no one is beyond hope of rescue. Scotlund Haisley, Animal Rescue Corps NewerName1340040061.7071023 PostsRegistered 5/10/2012 On 6/18/2012 RedConvertibleGirl said: On 6/18/2012 Jasminesun said: Do you really want to air your dirty laundry on a beauty board? This sounds like a very private matter and I would hope for you that this could be ironed out with those involved by open communication, not by being guided by strangers who are here to discuss beauty topics.
Sometimes posters just like to vent, and get unbiased opinions. Especially if they don't have someone else to talk tol. Nothing wrong with that if they feel comfortable asking here.
The large amount of personal info is what makes this op inappropriate in my opinion. I would be furious if I knew someone posted this much private info about me. Harpa1340040173.425162 PostsRegistered 6/28/2007 On 6/18/2012 carrob said: How much is the gas bill, if nominal I would pay it to keep her happy. Just to add to the mix (of thoughts to come)...if you do this, then she will find something else to squabble about, just give her time. On the other hand, it will (parden the French) shut her up for a while. (Certainly don't mean to be disrespectiful to her, Lord knows!) I'm also dealing w/ my mother, though w/ different circumstances, so I have some sympathies. You are likely to go on feeling unappreciated with all the little and not so little things you do for her. I don't know why older people get in these states! I cannot comprehend it! Please try to look past how you are feeling and continue to honor her as your mother. Personally, I would still allow her to help out with the gas, and I certainly would show my appreciation each and every time that she does! Never borrow money from family. Unless her mother, friends and family all read and post on this forum it shouldn't be a problem. Too much detailed info? Maybe. But what are the chances of everyone she knows actually posting here? If someone posts that kind of info about me, how would I know unless I go to the same sites that person does (and so does everyone else we know)? Chances of THAT (for me anyhow) are pretty much non-existent. Fairly certain none of my family/friends are on Q's boards. When we shoulder the mantle of compassion no cry goes unheard and no wound goes unhealed. In this world of seemingly endless suffering we have to believe that no one is beyond hope of rescue. Scotlund Haisley, Animal Rescue Corps di-mc1340040417.246517 PostsRegistered 12/4/2006the real world Pay it. You sound like you're what phychologists call enmeshed, which means you're in each other's lives in an unhealthy manner. Try to gain some independence. If your husband makes a good living, it sounds like you don't require financial help from your mother. Remove yourself, at least financially. The American Republic will endure until the day Congress discovers that it can bribe the public with the public's money.
Alexis de Tocqueville
I'm confused. You borrowed money from your mom to buy a condo, and the condo is in her name not your's? Did you sell a house to get into the condo? You're looking to get out of the condo into a larger home? The gas money is for driving your mom around to run errands? When we shoulder the mantle of compassion no cry goes unheard and no wound goes unhealed. In this world of seemingly endless suffering we have to believe that no one is beyond hope of rescue. Scotlund Haisley, Animal Rescue Corps Thanks for all the advice -just wanted a outsiders view. I do all I can for my mom - she is very dependant on me. adelle381340041167.9574872 PostsRegistered 12/22/2007 Maybe it's just me, but I'm confused. Are you planning to borrow money again from your mom for the new house? If so, then she has the right to set her terms. What has gas money got to do with all this? "I'm not a madam. I'm a concierge." Jasminesun1340041579.607246 PostsRegistered 7/29/2006 In a family dispute like this the OP is just looking for everyone to agree with her and offer sympathy. Sometimes acts of kindness offered to an elderly parent should not require appreciation. Many times people are offended when they do something and do not receive an overt show of appreciation. And you are worrying about gas money to drive your dependent mom around. That explains a lot! All our names are on the house. I told my mom that we would just get a loan to buy a larger home and she wants us to borrow from her becasue she gets more from us then the bank would give her but doesn't like the idea that we are not going to pay her 5% anymore. Yes, the gas is for errands. my mom likes to go out everyday to shop or get out. On many days I don't feel like going anywhere but will pick my mom up, make her lunch and take her home. I am sick today, so my mom is upset that I can't get her today. Is there a condo AND a house that you own? So you own two homes? Are you living in the condo or the house? Last edited on 6/18/2012 When we shoulder the mantle of compassion no cry goes unheard and no wound goes unhealed. In this world of seemingly endless suffering we have to believe that no one is beyond hope of rescue. Scotlund Haisley, Animal Rescue Corps YES, she is your mom. Just s** it up. Pay for the gas, and you will have fewer regrets down the road. I'm not intending to be mean or harsh....JMHO We only have a condo -We are going to live in a apartment until we find something else. So you are going to sell the condo, and your mom will get $$ from that sale? And you will use your share of the money to buy a larger home? I would stick with financing from a mortgage company/bank and leave your mom completely out of it (her name doesn't go on the loan, etc.). And if you can afford to pay all of the gas? Best just to do it. Is it fair? Maybe not. But it might just be worth it to keep the peace. When we shoulder the mantle of compassion no cry goes unheard and no wound goes unhealed. In this world of seemingly endless suffering we have to believe that no one is beyond hope of rescue. Scotlund Haisley, Animal Rescue Corps doglover31340043308.18106 PostsRegistered 10/6/2004 On 6/18/2012 Jasminesun said: In a family dispute like this the OP is just looking for everyone to agree with her and offer sympathy. Sometimes acts of kindness offered to an elderly parent should not require appreciation. Many times people are offended when they do something and do not receive an overt show of appreciation. And you are worrying about gas money to drive your dependent mom around. That explains a lot!
agree, sometimes people need outside advice from those that have no interest in the problem and can offer just what they think. There are a lot that have no one else to talk to things about and especially family matters which you don't want to tell other family members or friends that know all concerned so, be nice and give what advice you can to ease her mind and offer the kind words she needs to hear. Everyone doesn't have to agree with how things are being handled than say so but it doesn't hurt to offer sincere advice. The topic was started as O/T and some post on the board they feel most comfortable posting on. I too like either this beauty board, recipe swap or the pet forum.
katkitty1340044205.684087 PostsRegistered 12/12/2007 On 6/18/2012 di-mc said: You sound like you're what phychologists call enmeshed, which means you're in each other's lives in an unhealthy manner. Try to gain some independence. If your husband makes a good living, it sounds like you don't require financial help from your mother. Remove yourself, at least financially. Egads! Paying for gas is the least of the problems! Why is your mom involved & 'enmeshed' in your financial affairs in the first place when one fact that you stated was that your hubby earns good money? It's nice to do things with and for your mom from time to time, however it surely sounds like both of you enable each other. Get's mad when you are sick and you can't make it over when you drive her around and spend time with her on a daily basis? It's called 'guilt trip' for you and awfully selfish on her part. Why would any person expect someone to continually and everyday forfeit their own life and take them around 'shopping and to get out' daily just because they are related? Doesn't she have any friends or other interests at all? If that is your choice to pick her up and be with her everytime she wants, why are you complaining at all? You are just continually enabling her to expect you to say 'how high?' when she says 'jump'! Where is the compassion and understanding of a mom when her daughter tells her she is sick and has to miss one day? This is either all balogney, or mom is a very manipulative, domineering & controlling person to not recognize that her daughter is married and has her own life now. Like I said...-if the tale is true. Both probably feel unappreciated. I would pay for the gas. mommicat1340046717.833258 PostsRegistered 2/6/2007 On 6/18/2012 RedConvertibleGirl said: So you are going to sell the condo, and your mom will get $$ from that sale? And you will use your share of the money to buy a larger home? I would stick with financing from a mortgage company/bank and leave your mom completely out of it (her name doesn't go on the loan, etc.). ITA with this...if you are going to buy a new home, leave your mother completely out of the finances, the loan, and the title to the home. I would do your own financing for the new house. My Mom is no longer with and would do anything to have lunch with her and drive her around. BUT that is really expecting a lot for you to do every day. I would get her involved in a seniors group, that do things every day. Still see her and help her out 1-2 times a week if that works for you. You need a life too. Good luck, family issues are not fun. I hate it when the OP is so unclear, and it raises more questions than answers. Do you still owe your mother any of the original $100,000? Who paid for the $20,000 taxes? You/husband or Mom? "Failure is impossible." Susan B. Anthony
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