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Occasional Contributor
Posts: 5
Registered: ‎06-22-2010

Hi everyone,

It's been quite a while since I posted here. I last posted right after my Dixie was diagnosed with cancer which was 15 months ago. The vet didn't give her long to live but we battled it together and she lived much longer than they originally gave her. Early morning March 12th, 2014, I awoke to her breathing fast and shallow. She had been getting progressively worse over the last couple of months and I kept praying that God would let me know what to do and when. I didn't want her to suffer unnecessarily but didn't want to let her go prematurely either. Well, that morning when I woke up and heard her breathing that way, I knew something had to be done. I took her to the vet and the cancer had spread to her lungs. I made the decision then to let her go. She had always been so anxious and nervous at the vet before but this time she was so calm. I got to talk to her for a while before hand and I told her what a wonderful baby she had been. I held her in my arms and she licked my hand a few times and then they gave her the shot and she went to sleep. She was 12 1/2 years old and was my constant companion that entire time. We were always together and she saw me thru the death of both of my parents. She was such a wonderful baby. I couldn't have loved her more.

I am just so extremely devastated. I miss her so much that sometimes I find it hard to breathe. It's been almost a month now and it doesn't seem to be getting easier but harder. I find it so hard to be at home without her. I don't know how to do this. I've had a couple of people suggest getting another pet. I don't want another pet, I want my Dixie back!! I know she is better off now and not in pain but I just don't know what to do without her.

Does anyone have any words of wisdom, please?!?!?!

Thanks,

Melissa

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,513
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

I went thru the same thing when I had to let go of my first German Shepherd. I still cry when I think about it and that was 20+ years ago.

I tried to go to shelters and find another dog. I seemed to search endlessly and I couldn't find another dog I bonded with. Then it hit me. I wasn't searching for ANOTHER dog, I was searching for the dog I had put down! Like he was lost and I'd find him in a kennel! I felt nuts! {#emotions_dlg.crying}

Know that it's normal to grieve and talk to someone who loves you about your grief.

If you feel too overwhelmed, seek some help. {#emotions_dlg.wub}

Super Contributor
Posts: 345
Registered: ‎11-11-2010
So sorry for your loss. Your Dixie sounds like a wonderful girl. Even though she was able to be with you longer than expected, it is never enough. Wish I had some words of wisdom for you but can only tell you it will eventually get easier. She knew how much she was loved. I believe you did the kindest and hardest thing we are ever faced with when we love a pet. You released her from her pain. I believe we will see our loved ones again, whether human or furry. Please know there are many here who understand your pain and care. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Bless you.
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,036
Registered: ‎08-07-2013

I am so sorry for your loss.. We lost our Sandy our Clubber Spaniel last week and our Mini Schnauzer mix Max last year. I read somewhere that a vet published a magazine article about his pooch and titled it the only trouble you gave me is when I lost you! For me that summed up the loss completely.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,890
Registered: ‎08-20-2012

You have my sympathies at the loss of your beloved Dixie. Dixie has gone to her rest. You gave her a last gift of peace, remember that. Now you are missing her at home. Could you perhaps find some activities outside of the home to engage you while you come to terms with her passing? If you have a shelter near by you could go for a visit. You don't have to adopt, just give a little special attention to a pet in waiting. Remember Dixie but don't dwell in grief. She'd be the first one nudging you to go for a walk if she saw you so sad.

Super Contributor
Posts: 486
Registered: ‎09-23-2013

I'm so sorry about Dixie. I remember posting to you over a year ago (I was ok4aBlonde back then). Maybe you remember, I am single and my schnauzer Heidi, got me through the deaths of both my parents. I was a basket case for months after I sent Heidi to the Bridge, but it does get easier. {{{HUGS}}}

Valued Contributor
Posts: 664
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

I'm so sorry about Dixie. It is so hard to lose someone who has been through so much of our lives with us and helped us through the toughest of times. And now is one of the worst times and she's not here to help... I know. It hurts a lot. Wish I could give you a hug in person, but hope you can feel a cyber hug and know that people here do care and understand.

{{{freakyforqvc}}}

p.s. I know you don't want to think about another pet now, but I hope at some point when the time is right, your beloved Dixie will find a way to send someone very special your way to help heal the hole in your heart. I truly think our pets that we release to the bridge are not happy while we are mourning and try to help us by sending along another companion for us. Not to replace them by any means, but to let our hearts heal and love again.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,364
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

I'm so sorry you lost your beloved Dixie -- what a magnificent fight both of you battled against the cancer and the odds. When you care for an ill pet for so long, it's a different kind of loss because you bonded in a deeper and different way, and sometimes even other pet parents don't understand that level of grief. (I had a cat who survived heart failure for nearly 2 1/2 years against all odds, too, so I understand your ups and downs. It's been nearly a year and the grief hits me so hard now and again it knocks the breath out of me.)

That all being said, it does get better. A month is no time at all to complete grieving such a loss. As DH says, "It takes the time it takes." Allow the grief to wash over you, head on. And along the way, some projects to help you pay tribute to Dixie may help. When our dog died, we framed his collar, and made a memory book of favorite photos that we keep in a special box with his toys. When our cat died, I selected my favorite photos of him and put them in one of those "collage" type photo frames in my home office. Donate food or supplies to your local shelter in Dixie's name.

A few books have helped me, too: "For every dog an angel," (there's a cat version, too), and "Coping with Sorrow on the loss of your pet," by Moira Anderson Allen.

And know that you can come to pet forum here and talk about it with no one judging you -- the posters here are the best anywhere, and with hearts of gold.

Bless you for being such a dedicated and loving Dog Mom.

Regular Contributor
Posts: 241
Registered: ‎08-21-2010

I can feel your deep pain through your words. I lost a beloved Dec. 27th at 17 1/2. You will receive lots of support here.

Someone here once said that the deeper the love the more searing the pain. It is so very true. Once we have those special beings given to us it is the utmost pain when we have to give them back and let them go to the bridge. It is hard to breathe. The smallest thing sets off the tears.

I believe they are sent to us for special reasons sometimes. Dixie was your tangible reminder that you are loved and was there when you lost your parents. She truly is at the Bridge now, free from pain and health restored. Her passing may open the door for the next furkid to be with you in the next phase of your life. I do believe they have a paw in what crosses our path. She will be so happy, that when the time is right, your heart will love another furbabe.

The part of your heart that is so raw right now is the part that Dixie took with her and is hers alone. It is with her as she is at the bridge, bringing her the daily love you gave her here. The part of Dixie's heart that she gave to you is yours forever too. No other furkid will ever have that part but our hearts are magnificent in their abilities to grow larger and allowing us to love again, in a different way, but just as precious.

Sorry this is so long. I wish we had some words to ease your heartache. We are sending our support and cyber hugs. We have all been where you are and know how very hard this is. Be good to yourself. Grieve all you need to. It takes as long as it takes.

Hugs!!!

Occasional Contributor
Posts: 5
Registered: ‎06-22-2010

Good evening everyone!!

I am finding it so hard to express in words how grateful I am to you all. You all know exactly how I feel and you have all shared some words of wisdom that make me feel better. I knew this was the place to go to find some help.

I do remember some of you from when I posted before. Especially your little Dixie, Indy-Blonde2.

I have tried to fill my time with other things. Bible study, playing with the neighbor children I'm closed to, cleaning my house (it's never been cleaner). I'm a scrapbooker and Dixie of course had her own scrapbook and I've added many pages to it. She has 60 pages, front and back, in her book. I also bought one of those collage frames to put some pictures in. The wording on the collage mat says "Loved you yesterday, love you still, always have, always will".

Just the smallest thing does remind me of her and I start to cry. Sometimes I feel like I'm losing my mind.

I'm going to check into those books as you recommended and keep praying.

Thank you all so much for encouraging words. You're all so wonderful and I am so grateful!!