My niece has invited me and my three daughters and their kids to her house for Thanksgiving (two hours drive). One daughter and I want to accept her invitation. She has a wonderful large house that can accommodate all of her relatives and all of her husband's relatives. One of my other daughters has just been diagnosed with Lyme after over a year of illness and doesn't know if she will be up to it or not. Understandable. However, my third daughter's two children (both girls, ages 12 and 14) won't go if their cousin (19-year-old daughter of my sick daughter) doesn't go, because they feel like they don't know anyone up there and will be uncomfortable and/or bored. So my third daughter will only go if my sick daughter's 19-year-old daughter is going to go, in what seems to be an effort to please her two daughters (obviously these are all my granddaughters).
My beloved sister died three years ago. My niece and I talk often because she and I miss my sister/her mother so much. However, we only see each other maybe once a year, and in the past it has usually been Thanksgiving. I and my one daughter really want to go. My third daughter wants our little family to stay here because of the wishes of her two daughters who want to be with their cousin (who may well be working, or going to her father's for all we know). Plus we will be seeing them this weekend and also on Christmas. My only chance of to see my niece will be Thanksgiving.
I don't like the idea that my two granddaughters are pretty much dictating what the family should do and that this is acceptable to their mother, my third daughter. And I have to say it's a little disturbing that they are making this all about my 19-year-old granddaughter, and the fact that I'm their grandma and my other daughter is their aunt is not good enough for them to want to accompany us. I know how teenagers are . . . I raised four of them. But in those days they went where I said we were going, they didn't make the decision, I did (and most of the time I was the one who had Thanksgiving).
So somebody's going to be upset no matter what we do. My niece will be very understanding and sweet about it if we decide to stay here, but I know she will be disappointed. My third daughter will probably be resentful if my one daughter and I choose to go to my niece's house.
I don't know what to do. Any thoughts?
Formerly Ford1224
We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented. Elie Wiesel 1986
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