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Contributor
Posts: 41
Registered: ‎08-23-2011

WHAT IF A MOTHERS HEART IS RIGHT??

As a mom or even as a spiritual person did you ever think something is definitely NOT RIGHT? well my older daughter was seeing someone and that's how I felt. He was very friendly and very nice at the beginning of their relationship but then seemed quite different to me. He would correct me when I said something or always be right. He is polite, comes from a good home and I credit the change in part to his mom dying just recently at a very young age. My daughter and our family believe strongly in education, she has a few Master's Degrees and he thinks nothing of education, actually makes fun of it. Well I kept praying they would break up and once they did but the other day he asked for our blessings to marry her. This was my worst nightmare. Again not that he is a bad person but rather I feel with all my heart and soul that he is not the one for her. I know in years down the road it will be over. I have no joy in arranging the wedding. I would give the moon and stars if I did. My heart is broken but I have to think of my daughter and not spoil this for her. I am praying and praying hard. I never ask GOD for things but this is one of them. I trust in HIM to do what is best but I guess sometimes we have to learn from life lessons. They won't be getting married for a little while so time for a miracle to happen. Keep your fingers crossed everyone.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 10,168
Registered: ‎03-14-2010

Re: WHAT IF A MOTHERS HEART IS RIGHT??

I urge you to speak to your pastor about your concerns. If they have a pre-marriage counseling class it could be eye-opening if your daughter and this guy attend it. Our church requires it prior to marriage in our church and it has saved some couples from future heartache.

Do your daughter and her fiancé share the same faith or would they be ""unequally yoked""? The red flag for me is that he makes fun of something important to your daughter; that says a lot about him. How recent was his mother's passing? perhaps he has not fully come to terms with her death. Continue to pray but pray for your daughter's eyes to be opened to whatever God's plan is for her. And also to give you strength and grace to carry you through whatever the future holds.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,250
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: WHAT IF A MOTHERS HEART IS RIGHT??

Have you talked to your daughter? Not in a negative way but what she feels the future will be like with this man. Does she seem happy? Are there any red flags you see when your daughter is with this man? How old is your daughter?

It is hard but sometimes we have to let go and let our children learn on their own.

Super Contributor
Posts: 473
Registered: ‎04-24-2012

Re: WHAT IF A MOTHERS HEART IS RIGHT??

I would hope she would atleast ask her parents their opinion of him. And I hope she would listen. It's that gut feeling you have and you may be right. My dad once told me ""I know you better than you know yourself"" .... and he was right. I'll pray right along with you.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 31,038
Registered: ‎05-10-2010

Re: WHAT IF A MOTHERS HEART IS RIGHT??

Well, keep your thoughts to yourself and smile, smile, smile. A woman who has a few masters degrees is well over 21 and obviously has a brain. Sure, she's in love but if he's as "wrong" for her as you seem to think, she'll see it. Don't forget, not every engagement leads to marriage. You also need to calm down and let yourself get to know the man. You don't like him, you don't want him for your daughter and you've probably made that obvious without actually saying anything to him. That might be why his attitude changed. You have to trust that your daughter will make the right decision. You have to have faith in her. To be honest, you sound very negative and mean spirited. Very bitter. You need to get those feelings under control. You need some perspective. You could very well damage your relationship with your daughter if you don't control your feelings.

Contributor
Posts: 41
Registered: ‎08-23-2011

Re: WHAT IF A MOTHERS HEART IS RIGHT??

Wow I thought perhaps the kind people on the QVC board could give me some advice. Most have been so caring but after the comment by Chrystaltree that I am mean spirited I have thought otherwise. The last thing I am is mean spirited as a matter of fact I have dedicated my life to taking care of others. However I have learned that QVC is best for shopping and not for trying to solve my problems. Thank you all anyway

Super Contributor
Posts: 4,222
Registered: ‎06-23-2013

Re: WHAT IF A MOTHERS HEART IS RIGHT??

On 7/20/2014 dayari said:

My daughter and our family believe strongly in education, she has a few Master's Degrees and he thinks nothing of education, actually makes fun of it. Well I kept praying they would break up

How old are these people?

Once you raise your child, you are obligated to ... let go.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,420
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: WHAT IF A MOTHERS HEART IS RIGHT??

They say LOVE is BLIND, and it is. I would continue praying for the health and inner well being of your daughter. I would keep my mouth shout about this guy. She may come to your with things in time.

Super Contributor
Posts: 473
Registered: ‎04-24-2012

Re: WHAT IF A MOTHERS HEART IS RIGHT??

Oh don't let her scare you off .... haven't you read her comments in the past? She makes a living doing that. Ignore her. You sound like a very kind, caring Mom. I think you should express your concerns but also add that you'll support her decision. Atleast it'll give her something to think about. It's true that outsiders see things we don't see when we're too close to a situation.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,664
Registered: ‎05-13-2010

Re: WHAT IF A MOTHERS HEART IS RIGHT??

dayari--I have experienced a similar problem. This was my sense about the values and lack of courtesy in my son's wife. It has all been very hard. For my part, all I keep telling myself is that somehow they must complement each other. Time will tell. BTW, I sensed no bitterness in your question, only concern.