Would this make you uncomfortable?

house_cat · ‎03-09-2010

My BFF's 70th birthday is coming in December. I asked four of her closest friends if they had any thoughts on what we could do to make it memorable.

One woman jumped right on it and said she wanted to prepare a lovely Southern Brunch at her home, followed by a painting and wine party for the five of us. It sounds like fun and I'm sure she'll do a great job with brunch.

Here's the catch. She wants to do it all herself. I feel a little uncomfortable, since I'm the one who got the ball rolling and now she's doing it all on her own. I told her to let us know what the cost will be so we can pay our share, but it feels a little weird to just show up and have her do everything. I thought it best to accept her offer graciously. Am I wrong to feel uncomfortable about it?

This woman lives an hour away from the rest of us, if that makes any difference.

~ house cat ~

birkin baby · ‎01-20-2011

I may sound petty ,but I would not want my BFF to think the whole thing was the host's idea and that only she gave the party. I would ,because I'm a bit assertive/agressive(my friends say the latter,lol), tell the host-to-be that while its a super idea,my initial idea was to be part of the process. I would slather her with thanks for hosting,etc and say ,"now let's divvy up some of these details. Now if you truly don't care about any of that, just say thanks to the hostess, ask about the cost,write a check,and show up and have a fabulous time.

Madisson · ‎10-13-2011

House_cat, it was lovely of her to make this offer. I think she prefers to do it all herself because she wants total control over it...which is perfectly fine. If this is what she wants, then by all means, offer to chip in on the cost of the party...which sounds like a lot of fun to me! BTW, what kind of painting?

Some people do drugs. I do shoes....Celine Dion

depglass · ‎03-10-2010

There are five of you? Poll the group. Don't let this blow up and ruin the day for your friend. That's what is most important. The rest may be just fine with it.

betteb · ‎03-09-2010

Well, do you think she is doing it so she gets all the attention/credit? Maybe because she wants everyone else to make the drive so she doesn't have to?

I think birkin baby posted a good approach.

It's God's job to judge the terrorists. It's our mission to arrange the meeting. U.S. Marines

Poodlepet2 · ‎03-09-2010

I totally agree with the other posters: this sounds like a control issue. Poodlepet

Yahooey · ‎07-09-2010

Hi HC - if she came up with the initial idea - fine. But you approached her. It should be a joint effort. If not in planning but in the final cost. If you sent out a joint email asking for suggestions/ideas, how does the others feel about it. Do they want to participate in the planning or financially? I agree with BirkinBaby

Love4cats · ‎03-09-2010

Sounds to me that she wants all the credit for the party....glory hog!

Madisson · ‎10-13-2011

House_cat, you know this person better than any of us do. Could she be mean-spirited enough to want all the attention or take all the credit? Like I said, I think it's a control issue. It's like "too many cooks in the kitchen." She wants to do everything her way and doesn't want other people making suggestions that would alter her way of doing things.

It would not bother me if someone wanted total control over a situation like that. I would just let the birthday girl know that "Jane" did all the work, but we all contributed to the party. Besides contributing financially, I would buy the hostess a little gift to thank her for all her work. Maybe you could bring a bottle of wine.

Some people do drugs. I do shoes....Celine Dion

house_cat · ‎03-09-2010

She is not in the least mean spirited.. a control freak, perhaps, but a sweet lady. We are all going to split the costs. I am uncomfortable because I am the one who recognized this as a big birthday and got the ball rolling on planning a special day. This other woman took control. I don't care who gets credit for the whole thing, I'm just uncomfortable with not contributing anything other than money - that's not usually my style.

I suggested that we all bring something for brunch, but she made it clear that she wanted to prepare it all herself. That said, I chose to thank her for hosting, asked for her estimate on the cost so we can give her the money up front. I guess I'll just leave it at that.

~ house cat ~