What's the secret to getting along with adult children?

I have young children so I'll respond as an "adult child". My mother loves to preface things to me with the phrase "what I would do is.....". And if I don't say "great idea mom. That's what I'll do, too", then she repeats herself over and over trying to make me take her advice. If she just trusted that she raised me properly and trusted my intelligence, I don't think she would feel the need to always persuade me to do things her way. Even if I had already decided to handle something the way she now suggests, she acts like I'm lucky to have had her help me decide what to do. She can't grasp that I run a household with 2 lovely children (BTW I get compliments quite often on how polite and well mannered they are), pay my bills on time, I haven't hurt my husband LOL, and I don't need her help for everything. I say that instead of parents offering their input on everything, how about saying "good job" once in a while. It sounds like house_cat has it all figured out....you should give my mom some pointers. Oh another one....don't play favorites with your children or grandchildren. That's not cool!

On 7/7/2014 MaggieOla said: I have young children so I'll respond as an "adult child". My mother loves to preface things to me with the phrase "what I would do is.....". And if I don't say "great idea mom. That's what I'll do, too", then she repeats herself over and over trying to make me take her advice. If she just trusted that she raised me properly and trusted my intelligence, I don't think she would feel the need to always persuade me to do things her way. Even if I had already decided to handle something the way she now suggests, she acts like I'm lucky to have had her help me decide what to do. She can't grasp that I run a household with 2 lovely children (BTW I get compliments quite often on how polite and well mannered they are), pay my bills on time, I haven't hurt my husband LOL, and I don't need her help for everything. I say that instead of parents offering their input on everything, how about saying "good job" once in a while. It sounds like house_cat has it all figured out....you should give my mom some pointers. Oh another one....don't play favorites with your children or grandchildren. That's not cool!

Thank you for responding, Maggie. I couldn't agree with you more.

Both of my daughters are well over 30; I recognize they are working, tax-paying adults and capable of making their own decisions. I don't meddle in their business, and only give suggestions when I'm asked.

I try to keep a respectful distance when it comes to my input on anything. I feel they have their lives to live and I need to respect that. I answer questions when asked honestly but don't try to tell them they should do everything differently. Both my husband and I have a great relationship with son and dil, in fact sometimes I think they want us around a little too much but can't resist being with the grands.

Live in a different state.

I treat them as adults who are smart and independent, of me, to know what to do and how to behave in any and all situations. Without my saying so, they know I will always be here for them, if they should need me. I have 2 adult daughters and I have to say they have grown into wonderful, caring, successful women with beautifully raised children of their own. I am so very proud of them. During their teen years I did sometimes wonder, though, lol.

Getting along with my adult children is no problem whatsoever. They grew into wonderful, responsible, caring adults. They both know I would do anything for them -- all they have to do is ask.

Sadly, the secret to getting along with my daughter-in-law is to have as little interaction with her as possible.

The teen years in this house were a bit stormy now and then, but they've both come into their own and are great company as adults. Plus, they brought us two terrific DILs.

House_cat....I am curious what others will say to this, but I think you are on point with everything you said. That is how I want to think of my children when they are older, and even now....just be confident when I look at them and acknowledge how amazing they really are!!