Handling Stress

I am so sorry you are going through so much. When you go back to your doctor on Tuesday tell her everything you have going on. She may be able to steer you in the right directions. I suggest a support group? I know that when I was going through BC care, support is SO important. A best friend you can share with? I also find time for meditation (even if it's to sit for 10-15 minutes alone and just breath). Please don't tackle this alone. Seek support that is step one. Hugs and good luck.

Don't stress out over your kids' stress!

It's their project to handle. Believe me, they will get through it. They are mad?? That's fine, as it's a normal part of grieving, and they are going to be mad at someone.

As a mother we always feel deeply for our children, but in this case, you must let them take on the handling of their dad's estate. Filing papers, making phone calls? That's not so hard. It's part of the process of dealing with the passing of a loved one.

If the hoarding is just too much, have them get some help. Make 3 piles: trash (get a dumpster if necessary), donate, keep or give to friends/family.

As for your dear sister, I'm so sorry, and I'm sure your support means a lot to her. You feel so sad. SC is not that from PA. Encourage the son to come as needed. And let us know how your test results come out.

I deal with stress by walking, making sure I eat well and getting plenty of rest. Do whatever makes you feel happy. Reading, talking with friends, watch a good movie. Don't feel guilty for these moments of enjoyment. It will help you be the best you can be for your sis. Keep us posted.

I am sorry you're going though so much in such a short period of time.

As for your Adult children. I would tell them the house and their inheritance is their problem and let them sort it out. Tell them to think of it as a learning experience and as a Treasure Hunt. My mother left me with such a situation and I did sort though it alone and hired help to clean out the house. I went thought it and help took it to the dump. There will be treasures in amongst the junk.

Is the weather getting better? Can you walk outside?

A little fresh air and exercise always works for me.

Stress is a part of life...I would look on the bright side...

Leaving kids insurance money is a POSITIVE...and only requires sending in a death certificate to the company...that's a positive.

The kids can always hire someone to clean out the house...that might be money well spent to save them the stress of sorting through and throwing out their dad's stuff.

Thanks all. I know I'm letting this overwhelm me when I shouldn't You are right, the kids are adults and they will be getting some money out of it. My sister's prognosis is good and that is a relief.

I have been looking at the down side instead of the upside of these situations. I'm just going to take care of myself right now and do what you suggest. I enjoy exercising so I need to schedule more of that and alone time.

I always enjoy reading the responses to posts because you are all such good listeners and advisers. Thanks again for the advice.

Well, first I have to say that the vast majority of ovarian masses are not malignancies. They are usually just cysts. So, I see no reason to even mention this to your children now. They have enough on their plates and they have just lost a parent. Why worry them needlessly? As for the after-death issues they are dealing with, they have each other for support and what they are dealing with is not at all unusual. They'll get through it. They are adults. He was your ex, it's really not your issue, they can handle things. It's understandable that you are nervous while you wait for the ultrasound results but at this point, there really is no reason to be stressed. It makes more sense to assume that it's just a cyst that can be easily dealt with...because the odds are that is what it is. Don't borrow trouble. Take your mind off it buy doing things that you enjoy. Start reading a new book, go to a movie, go shopping, take walks, go out to lunch with a friend. Get out, get busy and don't dwell on it.

I'm so sorry for all that's going on with your family. Totally understand!! My only idea in all I've dealt with is this: accept it as it just is, then see it as a learning process for you all. Acceptance is the least stressful way to get through this kind of torture that we as humans can manage, at the very least, it's what I have learned. I hope this helps, it's finding a way through the forest to the other side. Don't lose faith, keep your hopes up. This too shall pass.

On 3/19/2015 Chrystaltree said:

Well, first I have to say that the vast majority of ovarian masses are not malignancies. They are usually just cysts. So, I see no reason to even mention this to your children now. They have enough on their plates and they have just lost a parent. Why worry them needlessly? As for the after-death issues they are dealing with, they have each other for support and what they are dealing with is not at all unusual. They'll get through it. They are adults. He was your ex, it's really not your issue, they can handle things. It's understandable that you are nervous while you wait for the ultrasound results but at this point, there really is no reason to be stressed. It makes more sense to assume that it's just a cyst that can be easily dealt with...because the odds are that is what it is. Don't borrow trouble. Take your mind off it buy doing things that you enjoy. Start reading a new book, go to a movie, go shopping, take walks, go out to lunch with a friend. Get out, get busy and don't dwell on it.

Thanks so much Crystaltree. That is very reassuring and I am going to take your advice. All you ladies are so great.

Wink-

Just one of the issues you mentioned would be a lot to manage--when you add them together it results in so many feelings to process. The suggestions by other posters are very good ideas, so I won't "re-hash" them! One interesting and natural thing we humans tend to do when with our feelings is to try not to focus on/dwell on the difficult ones (such as sadness, anger, hurt, etc). This approach is clearly a positive one, but the difficult feelings are real and need to be acknowledged. All feelings are OKAY! It's how we manage them that sometimes becomes more of the problem: journaling can be a very powerful way to express yourself honestly and get the feelings OUTSIDE of you so they do not overwhelm you/overpower you (in addition to the other ideas posters have offered). A gratitude journal can also help: list 3 things each day you are grateful for (big and small!) Gratitude does not wipe out the difficulties, but it can help change our thoughts a bit to help with perspective. We cannot control our feelings, they are what they are; however, we can do things to help ourselves feel comforted and supported as we manage the realities of our lives.

Best wishes to you, wink, and I hope you are able to find some comfort as you process and manage all of these issues. Please keep us posted how you are doing!