O/T - Friend Who Was Bullied

Arianny · ‎01-10-2014

Hi. I'm sorry if I am posting this in the incorrect forum, but wasn't sure where to post it. Just wanted to get opinions on this. My friend was bullied in high school by a group of girls - this was years ago - in the mid 80s. After she graduated, one of the bullies went to work at the company her cousin worked for. My friend is super close with her cousin. Her cousin and the bully became friends - good friends. She was hurt by this, but never said anything to her cousin because she figured she couldn't tell her who/who not to be friends with. Fast forward to a few weeks ago. Her cousin is still good friends with this girl, and when speaking to my friend, was telling her how nice this girl is and that she knows my friend doesn't like her, but she is really nice. My friend got so upset! She calmly told her cousin that this girl was part of the group who bullied her years ago, and that she would never think that she was a nice person. And her cousin persisted that she is so nice, and kept defending this bully to my friend. Well, suffice it to say my friend is really upset, not that her cousin is friends with this girl, but that her cousin, knowing what my friend went through, keeps telling her how nice this girl is. My friend can't even talk to her cousin right now, she is so angry. I have given her some advice, but I was wondering how others would feel who aren't personally involved with this situation. Any opinions/suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks!

I am still oxox · ‎03-09-2010

People change - its been 30+ years, she might be a very nice person now.

Stop being afraid of what could go wrong and start being positive what could go right.

iPod · ‎03-10-2010

People can change.I'm not saying what she did was ok but your friend needs to let it go.I bet the girl DOES NOT realize all the pain she has caused ALL these years.You have to remember kids do stupid things and don't realize the long suffering effects it could have.I'm sure if it was brought up she may not remember the harm it caused.Your friend needs to let it go and go on with life.Her cousin should not have to choose between her cousin and her coworker.

Hoovermom · ‎03-19-2010

As hard as this is, maybe it's time to forgive and move on. Her cousin can probably never understand how she was treated and is only seeing her in the light of who she is today.

beach-mom · ‎03-09-2010

I agree with I am still oxox. She's grown up now. See the movie You Again! Not many kids escape bullying of some sort in high school or middle school. It's hard to forgive someone who has hurt you in the past, but she will feel better if she does. She's lucky to have a friend like you who cares! Smile

Arianny · ‎01-10-2014

Thank you for your responses! I have told my friend to try to let it go, and just live her own happy life without thoughts of this person. She understands, but is still angry right now. I feel that she is just making herself feel worse by continuing to think of the painful time she had. I'm sure this bully has forgotten all about what happened.

poshmini · ‎05-23-2011

And why after all these years she's allowing this girl to give her grief? I say get over it and quit carrying that baggage. If I'd let all the lousy stuff that has happened to me over all the years I probably wouldn't get out of bed. I choose not let it rule my life. It happened, learn from it. Now grow from it and live a good life without all that stuff that doesn't matter in the end. Life is too short to waste it on things like that. And if this girl truly has changed and is a good person now, then she has grown and improved herself. At least she's not a bully anymore. And if this sounds too harsh, it's meant to be in the best interest. Living a good and happy life is the best medicine.

hckynut · ‎03-10-2010

Telling it like I see it! I think it is time for some people to-"GROW UP"! That was then, this is now.

hckynut(john)

poshmini · ‎05-23-2011

If your friend is still carrying around all that anger, who is the bully now? She needs to stop this otherwise she'll do herself an injustice on her health and well being. Human emotions like anger, hate, revenge, and so on does take it's toll on how you look and feel and your body will let you know it one way or another. Let it go already for your own good. And as far as you being her friend, you need not to let it get under your skin as well. If you carry someone long enough their legs won't work. You know what they say misery loves company.

twocent · ‎03-09-2010

Those who bully, never take time to stop to think what "else" might be going on in their "target's " life. That added to the bullying , evidently has left her with deep scars. Some things go so deep , you can't per say "get over it," yet you must learn to go on .

Whom her cousin befriends , shouldn't be a focus of concern in her life. She has expressed to her what occurred in the past , the cousin has not allowed that to affect her perception of this woman.

That should be the end of it. Tell the cousin the subject of this person is off limits to discuss , since she isn't willing to accept her opinion of her. She then should leave it alone. She doesn't have to be part of this equation. The cousin works with this person. It isn't as if she is bringing her by her home or inviting her to Thanksgiving dinner.

You'll find my heart at the Rainbow Bridge.