I was told my husband has dementia OMG

I am soooo sorry. Been there, done that. Doing it again with DIL's father. It will never be easy, but I still believe God never gives us more than we can handle.

God bless you and your DH, and give you - especially you - the strength to get through this.

That is a tough thing to deal with. Good luck to both of you.

I feel for you. My father suffered from it. I think it's harder on the people dealing with it more than the person it is happening to.

I am sorry this has happened, but there is hope. My dad just turned 88; about 10 years ago or so he started forgetting things. He went to his doctor who put him on Aricept. This drug is normally prescribed for Alzheimer's patients, but as the doctor explained, men show signs of dementia earlier than women do. Aricept has helped my dad tremendously; he does not have Alzheimer's. He still works six days each week, he drives, he lives alone ... he is functioning at a good level. Perhaps your DH could try this medication? I wish you both the best.

P.S. I forgot to add: use the name brand Aricept. My dad suffered side effects when he went on the generic last year. He is back on the name brand now.

I am so very sorry. My mother suffered from dementia, so I know all about this. I will keep you and your husband in my prayers.

I am so sorry. I hope you have a support system. If you don't, now is the time to start one.

Please don't try to handle this all by yourself. Please don't feel like you don't want to bother others. I'm sure you have always been there for everyone else. It is time for others to step up to help you and your husband.

But they can't help you if you aren't open and tell others and be willing to accept help. It can drag you down physically and emotionally. It doesn't have to if you let others help you.

Please let us know how both of you are doing. Take care.

First, I'm so sorry.

Second, I can't agree more that this is not something you can do by yourself. I tried and I became very ill doing so.

If you ever have questions about behavior or how to deal with things, please ask. Many of us have first-hand experience with this. I can't guarantee it'll be pretty, but we'll tell you the truth.

The first thing that needs to be done is a legal appointment with an elder affairs lawyer to get legal paperwork done and do financial planning. You must be put on all of his doctors' and hospitals' paperwork that you are authorized to discuss his medical issues with them. This is non-negotiable. You can't help him if you can't have a conversation with his doctors.

Contact your local Agency on Aging and tell them about the diagnosis so they can look into what services you qualify for.

Look into "day care services" in your area--do not call it day care to him, use "senior center" or another benign term. You may not need it now, but eventually he will not be able to be left alone at home for even a minute and day care provides a break for you and social stimulation for him. Ours picked up my mom in the morning, fed her a morning snack and lunch and brought her back home around 3 pm. A godsend.

Above all, do NOT hide or cover for him with family or friends who can help YOU. If you live in a rural area, you may want to look into relocating over the next couple of years to an area with more services available to you.

Although all of us want/wanted to keep our loved one at home until the end, it is unrealistic to completely close the door on placement, especially with a male. Depending on his symptoms, he may become aggressive/violent or begin to wander. In both cases, 911 needs to be called so he can get help.

The Alzheimer's Association has a really great forum (one portion is for spouses of people with dementia) where you can get an idea of how to handle some issues and get a glimpse of what other people are experiencing. The saying there is "don't let dementia claim 2 victims", meaning him AND you.

It was a nightmare caring for my mother, but 2 years after he death, I can honestly say it was an honor to have done so and while she was unconscious the day before she died, I thanked her for allowing me to care for her and apologized for anything I did wrong. You will learn a lot.

P.S. Regarding dementia medications, they were not helpful to my mother at all. If you are financially very strapped and have to choose between paying your mortgage and buying useless pills, choose the former. The disease marches on with pills or without.