Depression

My sweet Mistri.......... I am thinking of you and your dear father and entire family. I know how hard this............ and the stress of losing someone you love so dearly. Your father is on my mind a lot, as are you..... I was at the Pet Store yesterday and thought of you : ))... those little pigs.....((I can't spell the word and I even used to have them too/sorry))... I have not found any magic solution to stop worrying..... if I do, I will send you an entire bottle of it !!! I promise.

I leave you a piece of my heart to help you along for a bit now...much love and support, ~Jxx

OH MY...........I am so sorry... Well, as they say GO BIG OR GO HOME.... yikes..

Webbie will ground me for sure..........jeez....Where is my Geritol....or whatever that stuff was.....

Thanks, Amber. I had a long reply typed to you, but the site froze up when I tried using an emoticon, so my reply is lost.

I'll be back though...I'm just irritated that I typed all of that out for nothing.

Mistri, I have been looking for your post about the Monday meeting. I'm so sorry that the cancer has spread. You are doing the right thing--looking at things realistically but continuing to do research and meet with your Dad's doctors. I have been writing down some of my thoughts and will post a few at a time. You are dealing with so much now, you've got to give yourself and your brain a rest in order to build up your strength!!

I want you to know that my thoughts are with you and your family. HUGS to everyone, including Heidi, Carl, and Carmine.

Thanks, guys.

I think it's been hardest to watch my family deal with the crushing disappointment of finding out that my dad is not a candidate for surgery (I already pretty much knew that) and the news that his cancer has spread.

I was not at my parents' house when my brother and family left on the 31st, but my mom said that my brother said goodbye while my sister-in-law and the kids were already in the car. He told my parents he loved them and goodbye, and started to walk away. Then he stopped, turned back and said, "I love you, Dad." He had a tear rolling down his face. I think he is scared he will never see his dad alive again...that this cancer could progress so fast that he will be gone in a flash.

I talked to my dad, my mom and my brother today. There was talk of whether or not Cancer Treatment Centers of America could/would help my dad, going to a grief seminar at hospice and other things. My brother said he has been a basket case since my dad's appointment. He said that when he told his boss he might need extra time off, he started to cry. I can't imagine my brother crying at work. I know this is tearing everyone in my family up. The person who has been most stoic is my dad...and I'm really, really concerned about that. My mom said that he did cry once...but whenever I talk to him, he acts like everything is just fine. I feel like he could be headed for a breakdown if he doesn't deal with what's going on.

Anyway, my heart is heavy, and I'm going to leave this thread for awhile; I just thought I'd pop in and thank you guys.

Love,

mistri

mistri, I know you don't know me but my heart went out to you when I saw your messages on the Cancer Survivors thread a few months ago. I'm sorry that did not turn out well. You had the misfortune of posting at a time of great upheaval on that thread. You would have gotten a much warmer reception under different circumstances. I have gotten a lot of support from all of the ladies there as I have fought breast cancer since New Year's Eve 2012. They really are a very warm and caring group of women. Sorry that you were not able to see that side of them at the time.

I'm so sorry to read about your Dad. My Dad died of cancer almost ten years ago. My heart goes out to you as I have experienced the pain that you and your brother are feeling now. You are so strong and I hope your strength will help you through many of the days to come. Please know that there are people here who send you hugs and will think of you over the coming days and months whether or not you are here. I know that you may not even see this but wanted to write anyway.

Mistri,

Just a thought, but does your brother Skype? With illness it's always good to be able to speak face to face without always having to travel, so that might be an option for him. My dad was able to join us for a Christmas Skype session with the West Coast relatives before he passed.

On 1/2/2014 JBinRWC said:

mistri, I know you don't know me but my heart went out to you when I saw your messages on the Cancer Survivors thread a few months ago. I'm sorry that did not turn out well. You had the misfortune of posting at a time of great upheaval on that thread. You would have gotten a much warmer reception under different circumstances. I have gotten a lot of support from all of the ladies there as I have fought breast cancer since New Year's Eve 2012. They really are a very warm and caring group of women. Sorry that you were not able to see that side of them at the time.

I'm so sorry to read about your Dad. My Dad died of cancer almost ten years ago. My heart goes out to you as I have experienced the pain that you and your brother are feeling now. You are so strong and I hope your strength will help you through many of the days to come. Please know that there are people here who send you hugs and will think of you over the coming days and months whether or not you are here. I know that you may not even see this but wanted to write anyway.

Thanks, JBinRWC.

I do stop back here periodically, even though I don't post a lot right now.

I feel like I have been grieving alone for many months, and now my family is starting to grieve. It's odd that I'm the one saying I really want to get my dad to Cancer Treatment Centers, and my mom is now the "negative nancy." (She caught up with me, I guess.) I know she's just being realistic though; my dad doesn't want to turn his life upside-down, he wants to go on as he has been...pretending that this isn't happening (most of the time). I'm concerned about how he will handle the final stretch of his life.

I know I dropped into that thread at a bad time...but I also feel that I don't exactly "belong" there, since I'm not a cancer survivor myself. (I probably will get cancer eventually; that's the usual cause of death on both sides of my family.) I'm thinking it's best to stay here on my own thread. However, I'm also planning on attending a grief seminar (hoping my mom will go too) that hospice offers. You have to attend that meeting first before you can be part of any of their groups; I'm guessing I will be joining a group there if any of them seem appropriate (for people who haven't actually lost a loved-one yet, maybe...?).

I'm glad to hear that you are a survivor!!! It takes a lot of strength to get from a cancer diagnosis to being healthy again. It's good to hear people say they are survivors, because it gives me hope that if/when cancer strikes my family again, there's a chance we can beat it.

Once I am able, I plan to work with a group that raises awareness about my dad's type of cancer--esophageal adenocarcinoma. Lots of people don't even know that heartburn can cause cancer. I wish my family had known. I want people to become aware of his type of cancer, so that we can have more survivors of esophageal cancer!!!

Thanks again for your kind wishes and thoughts, JB!!

Love,

mistri

On 1/3/2014 lolakimono said:

Mistri,

Just a thought, but does your brother Skype? With illness it's always good to be able to speak face to face without always having to travel, so that might be an option for him. My dad was able to join us for a Christmas Skype session with the West Coast relatives before he passed.

That's a good idea!!

I'm sure my dad and brother could Skype. I don't have a webcam, and I just have DSL...so I'd probably just be at my parents' house to Skype when possible. The only issue would be getting my dad to stay off his IPod long enough. (He loves that thing.)