Bridesmaids....how to kindly say no????

birkin baby · ‎01-20-2011

I am going to be asked to be a bridesmaid for a casual but well liked friend. The wedding planner gave me a heads-up. I would not mind being in her wedding however I have two roadblocks. It is June wedding and it's hot in NC. I have lost over 140 lbs and while I an a very happy size 14,my upper ams did not fare so well. I do not ever,except for rowing and running , wear sleeveless or above bicep things. I also have Big old size11 foot and arthritis in my feet and while I wear heels, not all shoes are possible. I don't want to be rude,or have the bride think I'm just not into celery her wedding. I just do not want to be a problem in an already crazy time for a bride. Does it seem fine to say these are my hangups and while I am so honored,I don't think it would work for me? I don't think any bride should have to work around feet and arms unless it close family member or best friend. I just don't want to be rude or sound like I'm making.g up an excuse. Advice is truly welcomed.

terrier3 · ‎03-10-2010

If you are close enough to be asked to be a bridesmaid, you should feel free to speak your heart to the bride.

No excuses...just tell her the truth. A fake excuse will sound fake...just be honest.

BTW- Why did the wedding planner contact you first? Shouldn't the bride have spoken to you instead? Is that a new tradition???

lolakimono · ‎03-29-2012

You will get two kinds of advice:

1) it's her day, so if you are a true friend you will do what she wants and wear what she wants.

2) decline, but offer to help with the shower/parties.

Are you going to be the only attendant? It seems kind of late to be asking for June (unless it's a year away). If you were the only attendant, I think you could pull her aside and ask if you could pick your dress/shoes and have her approve them. If not, say you're one of 10, then you will have little input.

jackthebear · ‎03-11-2010

I googled how to decline bridesmaid invitation, and got these, looks as though there are many options and the question has come up before.

https://www.google.com/search?q=how+to+decline+bridesmaid+request&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8

3blackdogs · ‎03-12-2010

The last weddings I have seen have had different style dresses but all the same fabric and same for the shoes. And a coworkers sister had little Cardigans for her friends that wanted them. A friend's daughter is doing the different styles for her upcoming wedding and has size 2 to 28 in her bridesmaids.

Angry Bird · ‎03-10-2010

Just be honest with her, if you feel so strongly about your issues...nobody should be forced into an awkward position...

Madisson · ‎10-13-2011

What is wrong with thanking her and telling her what an awesome friend she is. Then explain to her exactly what you told us.

Some people do drugs. I do shoes....Celine Dion

Abrowneyegirl · ‎03-15-2010

Tell her what you told us, volunteer to be of help in other ways, and be CLEAR that you do not expect her to change her vision to accommodate your needs and that there will be NO hard feels if you are not in the wedding party. Tell her to think about it, then get back to you. In the moment she may be like "oh it's fine" then later regret it. As a bride I would understand your concerns and appreciate the heads up.

Mona_L · ‎08-07-2014

Being a bridesmaid, especially if the venue is not local to you is a huge imposition and brides need to respect her friend's wishes and reasoning for declining. I turned down my girlfriend's request years ago because of the distance .... she simply asked another girl. Your reasons are just as valid.

lizzief · ‎09-27-2011

I agree with others, just tell the truth about your concerns. She may surprise you and work with you on the dress and the shoes, or gracefully understand if she can't accommodate. But you'll never know unless you talk to her. By the way, congratulations on your weight loss! Please don't feel self-conscious, I'm sure you look awesome no matter what you wear!