Totally O/T. Advice needed

2zbeach · ‎03-11-2010

I didn't know where else to post and I am most comfortable here,so apologies to those who might think this is not the right place....anyway... My favorite aunt just passed away. We were very close. Problem is her son. He does not like me,does not speak to me,treats me horribly. He accuses me of things which are untrue and is very menacing. As a result,for the last several years,I haven't called or visited her since she was living with him. My question.....do I go to the funeral and risk a scene or do I just send a card? I am really torn. Thanks. Again apologies for the off topic subject.

evelyner · ‎03-09-2010

I personally don't like confrontation. Can you pay your respect later when the funeral is over. Sending a card to him who not help in my opinion. If you belong to a church, you can even dedicate a prayer to her, and you can also give a donation in her memory and then have the charity send a letter to the son that you did that. That's what I would do.

colliegirls · ‎05-13-2012

Do whatever your heart tells you to do. There is nothing more you can do for your aunt, whatever you decide should be what is best for you. No matter what you do, you will always have the good memories of your aunt.

Mom2Dogs · ‎03-09-2010

I am sorry for your loss.

Oh boy that is a tough one, I would not want there to be a scene.

Are there any relatives that will be attending that you could go with, or can you go to the service early, sign the book and if there is a viewing you could see her then?

When a relative died after a divorce in the family my ex brother in law came early before any family was there, it was a nice gesture on his part. I would have welcomed him but I was not the one he had been married to.

lolakimono · ‎03-29-2012

Is there a funeral home website where you can post your (public) condolences?

You could also support a cause near and dear to her heart (or yours, and dedicate the donation in her honor).

pattypeep · ‎06-06-2011

I would go. If he causes a scene, it would simply put him to shame in everyone's eyes. If it gets too uncomfortable, you could leave quietly, but at least you tried.

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea-Robert A. Heinlein

Campion · ‎10-21-2011

Go to the funeral. Any scene won't be of your making, if you don't rise to the son's bait. If he says anything outrageous just look like Miss Marple at him, down your nose. Or feign deafness. Or don't go, your choice. Your aunt won't be able to tell, she being dead. If the rest of the family cares, then go.

fthunt · ‎12-24-2010

I wouldn't go. I have a similar situation - been friends with a lady for 50 years - after surgery she had to go to rehab - but her lazy fat hasn't worked in 20 years (single - has lived with his Mom) won't bring her home from rehab - so guess she's stuck in nursing home. Age 87

When she does pass - I've decided not to go to the wake - her wishes to be cremated - so I'll stay home and say a prayer.

Montana · ‎03-09-2010

""very menacing"" sounds a lot scarier than disliking or not speaking to someone. What do you think the son might do? I can't imagine anyone screaming and yelling at a funeral service.

.