O/T Mom's Moving In

I live in a big house and my children will have to 'get it cleaned out'. I'm a widow. There are many people like me and probably your Mom.

I keep telling my daughters they need to start figuring out what they want done with almost 50 years of stuff. Over 40 years of albums, videos of every movement. You name it.

Furniture, toys, etc. It is a lot of stuff.

Anyway, there are companies that will do all of it for you. I am going to contact the company and have them come in. I have their number, just have to make the call.

My only problem is that my youngest daughter (the one who's not married) wants a lot of it but lives in an apartment.

I think I'm going to have to buy her a house to put the stuff in.

Anyway, there are a lot of people like me, your Mom. I know several myself.

The only thing I would say from your Mom's standpoint is if she is mentally and physically OK, let her set the rules and see what she says and take it from there. You are still her daughter and she is still the mother.

If possible, please don't treat her like a child. Again, I don't know how she is, I'm just saying I know how I'd feel.

Also, you are wonderful for doing this. No matter what happens, you are wonderful for doing this. Annabelle/Linda

Interesting, I just had lunch w/ a high school friend today. She has been living w/ her mom to help out for the past five years and is moving on the first of the month to her own place. She said she couldn't take it anymore because her mom still treats her like when she was a young girl and she had no privacy at all. She's 69, like me. So, I'm not sure if letting your mom set the rules is the right way to go. No offense to the previous poster. I've not been in your situation, but it seems as though open communication right from the start is the best thing to do.

With all due respect to Annabelle, I disagree. Your house, your rules.

We just moved Hubby's mother in a few months ago. She was hoarding, overspending, not taking her medicine correctly, and hiding things in her own home. Neither myself nor DH are going to allow it for one minute. We established a schedule, set the rules (boundaries, we call them), and brought to her life the structure that she always needed as an adult but failed to establish. After a 4-5 month adjustment period, we have all 3 adapted to living in harmony with one another and expectations are clearly communicated and well-known.

My best advice: like a newborn baby, establish a routine/schedule and don't allow chaos. Blend her in to your life, not the other way around.

On 4/21/2014 Shopping_Mama said:

With all due respect to Annabelle, I disagree. Your house, your rules.

We just moved Hubby's mother in a few months ago. She was hoarding, overspending, not taking her medicine correctly, and hiding things in her own home. Neither myself nor DH are going to allow it for one minute. We established a schedule, set the rules (boundaries, we call them), and brought to her life the structure that she always needed as an adult but failed to establish. After a 4-5 month adjustment period, we have all 3 adapted to living in harmony with one another and expectations are clearly communicated and well-known.

My best advice: like a newborn baby, establish a routine/schedule and don't allow chaos. Blend her in to your life, not the other way around.

I have enormous sympathy for this dear woman who gave birth to your husband, cared for him, and put his needs before hers for years and now is treated like a criminal, put on a schedule, regulated, bossed. I would rather be dead than reside in your home under your regulations.

I believe Annabelle meant to allow your mother to decide what she wants to do with her house, her things, and where she wants to live. When our choices, our right to decide for ourselves, are taken away we have nothing of value left.

On 4/21/2014 occasional rain said:

On 4/21/2014 Shopping_Mama said:

With all due respect to Annabelle, I disagree. Your house, your rules.

We just moved Hubby's mother in a few months ago. She was hoarding, overspending, not taking her medicine correctly, and hiding things in her own home. Neither myself nor DH are going to allow it for one minute. We established a schedule, set the rules (boundaries, we call them), and brought to her life the structure that she always needed as an adult but failed to establish. After a 4-5 month adjustment period, we have all 3 adapted to living in harmony with one another and expectations are clearly communicated and well-known.

My best advice: like a newborn baby, establish a routine/schedule and don't allow chaos. Blend her in to your life, not the other way around.

I have enormous sympathy for this dear woman who gave birth to your husband, cared for him, and put his needs before hers for years and now is treated like a criminal, put on a schedule, regulated, bossed. I would rather be dead than reside in your home under your regulations.

Move into your home a dysfunctional, elderly parent who has added dementia to her list of mental/emotional problems. Empathy, care, and compassion, yes. Build your life around her and let her problems, quirks, and maladjustments rule your household? Not a story I'd want to live........ Regardless of age and situation, when you must deal with dysfunctional family members, healthy boundaries and clear communication are two of the most important things.

On 4/21/2014 GoodStuff said:

On 4/21/2014 occasional rain said:

On 4/21/2014 Shopping_Mama said:

With all due respect to Annabelle, I disagree. Your house, your rules.

We just moved Hubby's mother in a few months ago. She was hoarding, overspending, not taking her medicine correctly, and hiding things in her own home. Neither myself nor DH are going to allow it for one minute. We established a schedule, set the rules (boundaries, we call them), and brought to her life the structure that she always needed as an adult but failed to establish. After a 4-5 month adjustment period, we have all 3 adapted to living in harmony with one another and expectations are clearly communicated and well-known.

My best advice: like a newborn baby, establish a routine/schedule and don't allow chaos. Blend her in to your life, not the other way around.

I have enormous sympathy for this dear woman who gave birth to your husband, cared for him, and put his needs before hers for years and now is treated like a criminal, put on a schedule, regulated, bossed. I would rather be dead than reside in your home under your regulations.

Move into your home a dysfunctional, elderly parent who has added dementia to her list of mental/emotional problems. Empathy, care, and compassion, yes. Build your life around her and let her problems, quirks, and maladjustments rule your household? Not a story I'd want to live........ Regardless of age and situation, when you must deal with dysfunctional family members, healthy boundaries and clear communication are two of the most important things.

I don't have a clue what "healthy boundaries" are but I do know about controlling children who insist their parent can't stay in their own home because the parent isn't "safe" and either put them in a nursing home or bring them into their home and make their parent's life a misery. Seldom do the parents thrive or live long once their lives have been taken over and controlled by their children.