o/t need words of wisdom and calmed down...fam./xmas

SnowKita · ‎03-16-2010

please excuse no caps-typing with one hand. oh beauties, could use help being calmed down and words to help me through this week. fam. is coming, uninvited (I agreed, but did not invite.) we don't live near fam., brother is sorta close now, but we move a lot and are used to quite family, just us, holidays. bro. is bringing his own dog (NOT kid friendly at all) and they are dog sitting so bringing another. no pets here. supposed to be here 23rd evening. DH is off next 2 days and looking forward to time with him and kids-he works long, long hrs. he hasn't had time off in awhile. sil is bring her bro. who is visiting from another country. we don't cook big meals on eve. or day, just have antipasti platters, etc. b/c we like to just hang with kids and enjoy new toys, etc. I do NOT want to cook and clean up all week. my other bro. offered to cook xmas eve., but still my kitchen and I'll be cleaning up. I agreed to visit b/c kids have not seen gpa and gma in awhile and I know how important that is. so, just get a text they are almost here and will arrive tomorrow. I thought i could get through a couple days, but now I am just fuming. I know we are blessed to have fam. to love us. it just won't be how i would like it to be and honestly it makes me sad. also our youngest is not sleeping at night and dh and I are so tired, so so tired. i know how blessed I am , i really do. but I am just so mad and sad. words to help?

Kitlynn · ‎03-09-2010

It is still your home and you will have to stand up for yourself. Just be honest with all of them and tell them upfront how you are dealing with tired worn out husband and yourself with child that isn't sleeping. Don't change things up . Just fix what you normally do only a larger amount. Let the one bringing the dog that you can't have a dog that is not child friendly and that he has to either get a motel or he needs to crate them. It is not fair for someone to impose like that. You only have to deal with what you allow yourself to be pushed into. Do it in a nice way but just be upfront about all of it.

Lovethesea · ‎03-15-2010

So sorry that you are agonizing over family coming to visit. How many people are coming? How long will they be in town? Do they have to stay with you and your husband/children or can they stay in a hotel? If they are staying with you, can the dogs be housed in a kennel? Why not serve food that you like to serve and limit the cleanup?

Please excuse all these questions... just something to think about.

betteb · ‎03-09-2010

Hugs to you. This too shall pass.

In the end, it will all be alright and if it's not alright, it's not the end.

It's God's job to judge the terrorists. It's our mission to arrange the meeting. U.S. Marines

jewelsluvsbeauty · ‎03-09-2010

I say enjoy your family while you are there. You don't have to go all out and cook. Just do the minimum. The dogs on the other hand. That is just rude, especially when the dog is not kid friendly, and you have a kid. He need to buy a crate or crates to keep them in. Not fair for the dogs but...

caninefitchi · ‎10-17-2013

I don't know about adding words of wisdom, but my best advice is to be honest. Tell them. It sounds like they love you and want to spend time with you. There is no shame in admitting you need help and are tired. Chances are if they know, they will help and it could be one of your best Christmas' ever. And the brother with the dogs - I'm one of the biggest dog lovers around - the dogs need to be contained. Your youngest doesn't have to need therapy in the future because she/he had to worry about being eaten by a dog. All my blessings being sent your way.

SnowKita · ‎03-16-2010

thanks for the hug and good words betteb. and thanks kitlynn and seaside shopper. I know I am allowing it, I am doing it for my kids. 8 extra adults, some in hotels, some here-dogs here. we have the room, but again, I'd rather spend quality time with my immediate fam. and guests mean bedding, etc. every minute of our fa, together is cherished by me, especially with dh long work hours and how tired we are. i purposefully make myself get behind on housework, etc, just to make sure I take time to sit and play and read with kids. bro. won't even let dog stay out in our fully fenced backyard alone, they have to be out with her. they got here b/c their home was broken into, so I sympathize there,but these are my kids to protect. dh and i have already discussed we are going to be firm about keeping them more separated then previous visits. we had a close call last time and don'y need repeat.

occasionalrain · ‎03-10-2010

It's too late now to decide you don't want visitors. Whle you didn't invite them you did agree for them to come. Please rise to the occasion and be a gracious host. Make the effort to treat them as you would want to be treated.

SnowKita · ‎03-16-2010

about food, bro.s want thanksgiving repeat for xmas. say stove top/box pot.'s, etc. are fine though. not my usual style. gave him 100% home-cooked t-day meal on thanksgiving (my choice) so don't really feel bad about refusing to cook again. even box dinners take time and make a mess. i did feel like spent all day in kitchen and missed out, so that is why really don't want to cook this holiday.