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O/T How much to give for a wedding gift? Need help please!

Started 1328922616.027 in Beauty Banter | Last reply 1329058421.523 by Madisson

I don't go to many weddings, maybe 1 or 2 every 2-3 years and I never really know if the amount I give is appropriate. I always err on the side of more than less but I'm too embarrassed to ask other people what they are giving.

Do you base it on how well you know the bride & groom or give a set amount to everyone regardless of the relationship to you?

What if you aren't attending the wedding at all, do you still send a gift of the same amount as if you did attend?

Do people give actual gifts (non monetary) anymore?

We are invited to a wedding next month & if we do make it to the ceremony, we will not be staying for the reception. This is a much younger 3rd cousin to me & my son is standing up as a Groomsman.

OK all you Emily Post's...give it to me!

When the mindset of the hearer is set by anger or bitterness, everything that is said will be perceived as negative, regardless of intentions of the heart.
Ignorance is NOT an excuse...you can't plead stupid.

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chandeliers1328923021.3574357 PostsRegistered 3/5/2008

For a relative I would give around $100. Close relative $200. Aquaintance $50.

Did you get invited to a bridal shower? That's where the gift giving comes in.

You can give a gift at the wedding reception, too. I never give gifts outside the showers because I usually have no idea what to give.

I always figure money would be a good thing to give for a couple just starting out.

Coke Zero ­Addict1328923109.5031360 PostsRegistered 8/10/2010

You could check first to see they are registered anywhere; check with whomever is the relation to you to find out where they are registered. If I were giving monetary amount and these individuals are not close to you I would give $50. You might also google the names and find out if they have a website related to their wedding and that might give you direction. I relate the dollar amount to what I am comfortable with and how close I am to the couple or their parents. Sometimes I give more because I am close to the parents and would not want to offend them.

Just remember it is a gift and as in any gift it should not be expected and should always be appreciated.

“We've placed a lot of emphasis in this country on the idea of people's rights. That's how it should be, but it makes no sense to talk about rights without also talking about responsibilities.”
― Randy Pausch, The Last Lecture

Jen S1328923179.412091 PostsRegistered 5/24/2010WI

It might depend on locale too. If I'm at a rural WI wedding, the gifts are different as opposed to a wedding in Edina, MN. If it's a friend or a relative makes a difference for us. My nephews got $200 cash for their weddings, friends - depending upon closeness - will get something off of their registry list from us. Those lists are very helpful and it's easier (for me, mentally) to buy something I know they want, rather than just guess or give cash. One time (a long time ago) we gave cash that was used at a casino. I know, it's a gift, but I have an issue with just giving someone cash to go blow.

If I'm not attending, I send a card with $50 check. That's how we do it.

Hope you get helpful responses!!!

chi59251328923352.641914 PostsRegistered 1/3/2006
On 2/10/2012 chandeliers said:

For a relative I would give around $100. Close relative $200. Aquaintance $50.

Did you get invited to a bridal shower? That's where the gift giving comes in.

You can give a gift at the wedding reception, too. I never give gifts outside the showers because I usually have no idea what to give.

I always figure money would be a good thing to give for a couple just starting out.

ITA -- very good recommendation and actually, one that I also follow

lobstergal1328923368.7433777 PostsRegistered 12/3/2010

I put $50 toward a shower gift that I went in on with my mom & SIL back in November. I didn't attend the shower because it was 2 weeks after I had back surgery.

ETA...

There was no mention of a Bridal Registry & this couple has already bought a home & have been living together for a year. They are young, 19 & 22 years old. This would be a gift from my DH & I. My son will give a gift of his own from him & his GF.

Thanks for your replies!

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When the mindset of the hearer is set by anger or bitterness, everything that is said will be perceived as negative, regardless of intentions of the heart.
Ignorance is NOT an excuse...you can't plead stupid.

a cook1328923387.9632016 PostsRegistered 7/21/2011

I don't think there is a set amount that is required. I got married in 2009 and we received gifts at very different price levels from friends and family. I really don't feel that there is a level that you have to spend. If you are close to them and you are able, you may wish to spend a little more, based on your ability to do so but if you aren't extremely close, I don't think there is any shame in spending a little less. I don't think there is any shame in spending less if you are extremley close, if that is what is most comfortable for your budget! Most of the gifts we received were from our registries, and we really appreciated gift cards that permitted us to combine gifts to purchse some of the household items we really needed but that had higher price tags. My mom usually purchases a gift that is a about twice the value that she estimates her plate at the reception costs. My husband and I have had a bunch of friends marry lately and we typically spend $50 to $100 depending on how close we are to the couple and how we're doing financially. We've been invited to some weddings we weren't able to attend and in those cases we've spent more like $30 to $40. But honestly, I really think this varies according to the socioeconomic community and where the giver is financially. We just got out of grad school and have our first jobs and bought our first house, etc. So we're doing okay but we're not that far along in terms of our careers so we don't spend as much as some people can!

di-mc1328923741.517296 PostsRegistered 12/4/2006the real world

It depends on how well I know the couple or their parents and if they are relatives. In most cases, I like to purchase something from the bridal registry. If the bride or groom are very close relatives we give cash.

The American Republic will endure until the day Congress discovers that it can bribe the public with the public's money.
Alexis de Tocqueville

lavenderju­nkie1328924007.2112913 PostsRegistered 10/6/2004

Where you live and where the couple lives will have a big impact on what is considered the 'appropriate' gift. But it is up to you to give what you want. If you are not close, and are not attending the reception, then a small gift is fine. But if you are going to the reception, a larger gift is appropriate....especially if there are 2 people.

If I'm not close to people and I'm not attending the wedding, I think a token $25 - $50 check is fine. If I attend the wedding, even if I'm not close, I give at least $100 (per person attending... so that's $200 for a couple, and more if you are covering your childrens gift too).

But if it's someone closer, whether or not I attend the wedding then I will give more. And for my nephews and nieces, even if I don't attend the weddings, I give a lot more.

But I live in a major metropolitan area in the north east.

LinnieLou1328941793.683766 PostsRegistered 1/19/2008

IT really varies on your relationship with that person, but we usually go by:

Acquaintance = gift registry if possible, or $50

Family or close friend and you are attending reception = $100 per person attending

Very close family and you are attending reception =$500-$1000

I always think about the catering cost per person and then give more than that. These days, it can cost so much to have a wedding!

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RedConvert­ibleGirl1328942501.27713989 PostsRegistered 9/3/2005Pacific NW

$500-$1000 on a gift?! Never!!! And forget the catering cost and all that. That is not my problem, and I feel no need whatsoever to pay to attend a wedding.

It should depend on how close you are to them and what YOU want to spend.

When we shoulder the mantle of compassion no cry goes unheard and no wound goes unhealed. In this world of seemingly endless suffering we have to believe that no one is beyond hope of rescue. Scotlund Haisley, Animal Rescue Corps

dgluvr1328944215.215242 PostsRegistered 5/12/2008

I actually check out the venue and it's menu for wedding receptions online- to see what the meals are costing the couple- then I go over varying on our relationship to the couple. I have to admit I feel "put upon" when the couple has had their own home and set up housekeeping for a while---(ESPECIALLY if they own their own home!) for all intensive purposes- you are supposed to be helping them celebrate their marraige- not pay for it. Of course you can't get away with that if they're relatives and it would be really tacky to attend and not bring a gift regardless of how I feel about the previous living arrangements. If we don't attend because we are not close- I don't feel obligated to send a gift of money or other.

nancypoo1328967202.871413 PostsRegistered 5/13/2011

.

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winamac11328967482.30330436 PostsRegistered 12/29/2010Indiana

$100 usually

"Friends don't let friends...drink white zinfandel"

Peg551328967814.7771543 PostsRegistered 10/6/2004

i don't go to too many weddings at all anymore; but when I do I did give $200 and I am alone It was a family member

if you look at it, today's menu costs at least $125 or more at a catering hall per person today it is nothing to spend $30-40 thousand for a wedding at a hall

I guess you also have to look at the type of place the wedding is taking place

carol-lamb1328968435.06537 PostsRegistered 10/6/2004

I haven't been to a wedding in several years, but when I go to one I like to give an amount to at least let the couple (especially if they are young and just starting out) recoup the cost of both mine and my husband's dinner. We are in the early planning stages of one of my son's wedding and boy - weddings are expensive! They have chosen the venue and the cost per person will be about $75. That is with the least expensive meal menu out of the two they could have chosen and the standard alcohol/beverage plan (not premium alcohol plan). They also have to pay gratuities, so the cost per person will actually be more. If my husband and I were attending a wedding reception today, I would give $200. That being said, you have to give a gift that fits YOUR budget. Everyone's financial situation is different and I would hope most bride and grooms understand that. They can't expect the same monetary gift from everyone. I always try and be as generous as I can because I remember how much my husband and I appreciated everything we got for our wedding 32 years ago. I was working full time as a legal secretary and he was still in college and working part time at an accounting firm. We didn't have much and the first thing we bought was a cheap bedroom set (still sleep in it every night), kitchen table (still have it in our basement) and a tv (long gone)!

rebel1328968562.4435448 PostsRegistered 4/27/2007

this is actually a great question!

so many young couples have weddings they absolutely cannot afford! of course, that is their business but they shouldn't expect people to give larger gifts or more cash because they chose an expensive wedding.

i think shower gift should be 50-75

wedding gift varies on how well you know them, etc

we wedding it seems like 75-300 depending again on factors like are you retired, how well you know couple etc.

i think giving $50 to a wedding you were invited to but are not attending is also a good idea.

45, Fair, dry, sensitive skin, DSPW, yellow and neutral undertones, Cannot use "cones" high in ingred. deck, natural blonde wavy hair, blue eyes

Schussycat1328969223.5032236 PostsRegistered 1/27/2012
The etiquette I was taught required that you give a gift for any occasion to which you are INVITED --- whether or not you attend; but, I was raised more old-school; $50-acquaintance, $100-friend, $200- family/close, close friend.

Alexa63521328969346.86522 PostsRegistered 7/18/2006

I don't know where all of you live..BUT I live in NYC and everything is WAY MORE EXPENSIVE. If I went to a Wedding and gave $50 to $100 for a couple, they would think we lost our minds. Now granted I,too, don't think that I should pay for a persons Wedding, BUT, this is 2012..I was giving $100 to my friends weddings in 1980....We give at least $500 for friends and a minimum of $1000 for family. I''m not saying you should follow what I do, I realize that everyones finances are different and in these hard economic times,some of us can not afford to give that much.So, I guess the best advice is give what you can afford.

CSH1328969595.552334 PostsRegistered 12/5/2009NW PA

Give an Amazon gift card...you can get anything there!

Play is children's work!

CSH1328969741.822334 PostsRegistered 12/5/2009NW PA
On 2/11/2012 Alexa6352 said:

I don't know where all of you live..BUT I live in NYC and everything is WAY MORE EXPENSIVE. If I went to a Wedding and gave $50 to $100 for a couple, they would think we lost our minds. Now granted I,too, don't think that I should pay for a persons Wedding, BUT, this is 2012..I was giving $100 to my friends weddings in 1980....We give at least $500 for friends and a minimum of $1000 for family. I''m not saying you should follow what I do, I realize that everyones finances are different and in these hard economic times,some of us can not afford to give that much.So, I guess the best advice is give what you can afford.

Geesh! $1000? Really?

Once you step out of the city lights, we who live in Podunk (west of NYC) don't give that kind of money...

Play is children's work!

scatcat1328969894.1271379 PostsRegistered 11/19/2006
I agree with Alexa. Being from Chicago, I would never give $50 for a wedding gift (is this from a couple attending a wedding ??). It really depends on demographics. My buddy from Chicago got married in rural MO and a family of four gave them a piece of Tupperware. Different strokes for different folks.

Vamp1328970092.84311234 PostsRegistered 3/9/2007
On 2/10/2012 chandeliers said:

For a relative I would give around $100. Close relative $200. Aquaintance $50.


That's pretty close to what I do, although there is no magic number. I sometimes choose a gift from the registry if I know where they are registered.

Give what you are able to and what feels "right" to you. Never mind what anybody else does. Newlyweds should not be keeping score of who gives what; if they do, then there is something wrong with them, not you. Everyone here has differing amounts of what they can afford. The person who is able to give $500 is no better or worse (or loved more or less) than the person who is only able to give $50. Be as generous as you choose.

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midnight1328970427.5473348 PostsRegistered 9/3/2006
On 2/11/2012 RedConvertibleGirl said:

$500-$1000 on a gift?! Never!!! And forget the catering cost and all that. That is not my problem, and I feel no need whatsoever to pay to attend a wedding.

It should depend on how close you are to them and what YOU want to spend.

I agree!

maestra1328971369.1038519 PostsRegistered 3/13/2008

If you can't afford a big wedding don't have one. DH and I had 30 people-immediate family only no kiddos w/a reception at a fine restaurant in Westport, CT; we were married in a Catholic Mass in the morning. We had a wonderful menu, champagne, music through the restaurant sound system that we brought (most Andrea Bocelli, Il Divo, La Luna, chamber ensembles, )etc and lovely flowers and corsages for the ladies. All for under $2800.- very reasonable for what we experienced (High end service and food) and this part of the country.

Simply Pea­chy1328974233.19734 PostsRegistered 4/4/2011

Do the italian rule...$50 for acquaintances, $100 for extended family and $200 or more for immediate family and best friends. Wink

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