Dad has a new friend........

Thrive · ‎08-03-2011

Hello,

I thought I would post this in The Among Friends forum because I need some sensitivity in response to my post. My dad's new friend is a female. My mother passed seven years ago and he has been very lonely. I met his new female friend for the first time a couple of weeks ago when my dad fell ill. After my dad began to recover, she began telling me that dad was talking about making some changes to the décor because the house reminds him so much of my mom. She suggested that my sister and I paint or make some changes to the house. We've known how dad feels about this for some time. However, he has not asked us to make any changes to the décor. I feel that her comment was out of place. After all, she was our mom and it's hard for us too. I think that she should have left it alone or suggested to my dad that he ask for our help . It appears that she really does care about dad. She drives him to his appointments and gets him out of the house as much as possible. I think that she is concerned about him mood. I am just having a difficult time with another person entering into the picture who feels like an outsider to me. I don't know how to respond to her. She also made a statement about me not helping my dad with every little thing because he will come to expect it. My dad is 86 now and she appears to be considerably younger. I just don't know how to take her. She's been staying at my dad's house more and more. Consequently, I need to figure out how to adjust to her. I know that things would be much more difficult for him and us if she weren't in his life. Should I just grin and bear it? I feel like in some ways things will be better. However, some things will be more difficult.

Bird mama · ‎03-12-2010

Furry, if you and your sister have known what your dad thinks about the house reminding him too much about your mother, maybe he mentioned it to his new friend and she's trying to let you know nicely that he really wants a change.

There are many elements: wind, fire, water
But none quite like the element of surprise

Marienkaefer2 · ‎03-09-2010

How long has your dad been seeing her? I understand your feelings. For that reason, I think you should make an effort to spend more time with both of them. Maybe seeing how they get along will.help you to deal with the emotions. She's not there to take your mother's place, but to be a companion for him, and after seven years, he probably enjoys the company. Have dinner all together, and bring up the house and talk about things.

If you have a garden and a library, you have everything you need.--Marcus Tullius Cicero

LilacTree · ‎03-25-2012

Welcome her because he obviously wants her around. Let him have what he wants. Ask him what he wants changed in the house. If he's 86 and is sick already, the kindest thing to do for him is fulfill his wishes.

Formerly Ford1224
We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented. Elie Wiesel 1986

Thrive · ‎08-03-2011

That you so much! Your advice is well taken. I will make every effort to do what makes him happy.

hckynut · ‎03-10-2010

If your dad has all his mental faculties working normally(for him) and it is his home? I know I would not make his business, my business, unless I was asked by him.

hckynut(john)

jubilant · ‎06-10-2010

On 3/24/2015 hckynut said: If your dad has all his mental faculties working normally(for him) and it is his home? I know I would not make his business, my business, unless I was asked by him.

I agree.

AuntG · ‎03-09-2010

I would question the motives of this "considerably younger" woman who has befriended my father. However, I would be polite and I'd approach the subject of redecorating with my father. Maybe repainting the rooms is all he would like.

shamalamadingdong4 · ‎12-12-2010

Yes, you should just grin and bear it. Unless you find that she is stealing his money or is abusive, I say leave them be. If you interfere, he very possibly will grow to resent you, and neither of you want that.