Looking for advice not judgment.

sbrcal · ‎05-24-2010

I am leaving my marriage. I have a 13 month old son. I doing this as much for him as for myself. I married a chronic liar who has no concept of how to tell the truth. Seriously will lie about anything no matter how small. He is impatient and agressive with our son. He is a dark and unhappy and selfish person who would be happier alone. He and I do not share finances except we each pay 50 percent of the rent and he pays for our health insurance. I pay for everything else for my son and I. I don't want to involve you in my drama but I would like advice from anyone who has gone through a divorce on how best to prepare. Id appreciate learning from your experiences. Knowing what you know now, how would you have prepared? Tia.

game-on · ‎03-22-2010

First of all.... do you have a good lawyer? That is the first thing I would do. I wonder about the lease on your residence or do you have a mortgage? I would take into consideration how to break/end a lease or what to do about your property. I would have a copy of every legal document you have, including every bank account you own.... I would realize that the minute you file for divorce that your child will not be yours... you will then have to file for custody. The most difficult thing I had to come to grips with was that I had to prove myself worthy of the custody of my children. I know that you will have a terrible emotional journey but you will come out on the other side.... just prepare yourself with the facts and tune out his words... divorce tends to bring out the worse in people. I would hold my tongue as much as you can. Remember words can come back to hurt you. I wish you the best.

missy1 · ‎03-10-2010

Get your ducks in a row before you file. Don't let him know. Get all important papers, bank accounts etc together. If you own your home, don't move out. (unless abusive) Make sure you get temporary orders filed, along with the divorce petition. If you can prove he is an unfit parent, than you may get sole custody (it is very hard to get). Custody seems like it will be your biggest issue, since you do pay your share of the bills. (you have a job etc.) He won't be able to take you off the insurance when you file. I assume your are both covered under his job. If you can't afford a lawyer it can be done Pro se, or even have a para legal look over the paperwork. Make sure you do have a consultation with an attorney.

dobiesrule · ‎07-24-2014

I think you have gotten good advice from the previous posters. Good luck to you. It is a tough thing to go through.

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

I'm divorced, but it was amicable so nothing in my experience would be helpful to you. (Obviously, you should retain a good attorney - Either someone you know or someone referred by someone you know. Having trust in your attorney is very important.)

I did want to say, though, that life after divorce can be quite wonderful. I happen to love being single again, and it is far better to be on your own than to be married to the wrong person. I hope you realize that - as hard as things are right now - your future can be very bright.

I wish you luck and happiness!

Kachina624 · ‎03-10-2010

Did you file a joint income tax return? If you haven't filed yet, I'd consider "married filing separately" or you might end up holding the bag down the road, as I did. Squirrel away as much money as you possibly can. Be sure to ask for child support. Sounds like he doesn't like kids so he may not want much in the way of visitation, although he'll probably say he does just to be a PIA. It can be a huge relief to be free again!

New Mexico☀️Land Of Enchantment

Pook · ‎03-20-2010

Sounds like you got some great advice and I have nothing to add there but I wish you luck and much happiness for the future!!

ID2 · ‎06-25-2012

Oh please consult a lawyer with your list of questions!!! Asking housewives on a shopping channel bulletin board is rather....ummm...silly?

"Pure Michigan"

missy1 · ‎03-10-2010

On 3/15/2015 ID2 said:
Oh please consult a lawyer with your list of questions!!! Asking housewives on a shopping channel bulletin board is rather....ummm...silly?

I am sure the OP will. I have to say there are smart people on here. Also, ones that just recently went through a divorce.

Still Raining · ‎03-30-2014

First of all, for now, keep it private. Gather documentation you need and consult a lawyer about how to protect your assets. Then consider the more practical matters, where to move, job changes, childcare changes?

Don't worry too much, it will be fine on the other side and your life will go on in a good way for both of you. A relief even.

And most of all, don't become bitter, keep your dignity.