Children, drugs and jail.....

Mom2Dogs · ‎03-09-2010

I don't have kids of my own but I am on close terms with a relative whose 21 year old was just sent to jail for drugs!! We are just sick over this and honestly I have never had to deal with something so serious, and have no idea what to say to the mom.

I want to kick this kids butt, I want to tell him what a disappointment this is and he has so much to offer, why did he get involved with drugs......I saw his mug shot....he looks like a junkie....I am so worried for him.

Why do kids (not a kid he is 21 years old) get involved with drugs, he has a mom and step dad that love him, had a nice growing up home life, can someone give me advice, words of wisdom, etc.?

esmeraldagooch · ‎03-10-2010

You may want to find a Alanon or AA group to visit. Non users are welcome at many AA meetings as long as they are not listed as closed meetings. People there can give you the guidance you need and a shoulder to cry on. Drugs kill, lets hope this wake up call is enough to turn his life around.

Mom2Dogs · ‎03-09-2010

catwhisperer......I am so very sorry for your loss.

gofigure · ‎08-30-2010

I have been involved with children/drugs/jail for a long time. As to why, there are many reasons. The fact is some people have addictive personalities and some do not. You don't know until you are addicted. However, addiction is not limited to a certain age, economic standard or profession. It is not a respecter of persons.

What should you say to this mom? First, let her talk. She is devastated, over-whelmed heart broken, and embarrassed. Then you must reassure her that this is not her fault. These are choices that he made and he now must live with the consequences. She cannot change him. She cannot control his behavior. The only way he will get clean is if he chooses to do so.

Some will say "maybe this will be his low". Maybe. But how far did he fall; did he have much to lose?

The hardest thing will be for her not to bail him out. Where he is, he will not be able to use and this may help propel him to want to stay drug free. During one of her visits, she could suggest that he go to a rehab facility. If he doesn't agree to this, he doesn't want to stop using drugs.

She should also attend some meetings where she will find out she is not alone and garner insight and support.

Having you to talk to (as someone she can trust) will be invaluable. I sincerely wish you all the best in this most difficult journey.

Mom2Dogs · ‎03-09-2010

gofigure..thank you.....

I just feel sick over this. I have had only 1 brief conversation with her, but we are to meet this week and talk. I am so afraid of saying the wrong thing so I think I will be a good listener.

chrystaltree · ‎05-10-2010

The kid isn't dead. He doesn't have a terminal illness. He's a criminal and now he's going off to pay for his crimes. You can't make his mother feel any better or worse, just hug her and tell her how sorry you are that she has to go through all of this. He's young, there are programs in jails for young offenders. He might just turn his life around, with help from his family and his community. Going to jail might be the thing that ultimately saves him.

esmeraldagooch · ‎03-10-2010

On 2/22/2015 gofigure said:
I have been involved with children/drugs/jail for a long time. As to why, there are many reasons. The fact is some people have addictive personalities and some do not. You don't know until you are addicted. However, addiction is not limited to a certain age, economic standard or profession. It is not a respecter of persons.

What should you say to this mom? First, let her talk. She is devastated, over-whelmed heart broken, and embarrassed. Then you must reassure her that this is not her fault. These are choices that he made and he now must live with the consequences. She cannot change him. She cannot control his behavior. The only way he will get clean is if he chooses to do so.

Some will say "maybe this will be his low". Maybe. But how far did he fall; did he have much to lose?

The hardest thing will be for her not to bail him out. Where he is, he will not be able to use and this may help propel him to want to stay drug free. During one of her visits, she could suggest that he go to a rehab facility. If he doesn't agree to this, he doesn't want to stop using drugs.

She should also attend some meetings where she will find out she is not alone and garner insight and support.

Having you to talk to (as someone she can trust) will be invaluable. I sincerely wish you all the best in this most difficult journey.

What ever you do, Don't send her flowers with a note saying "I know you are not a bad person" I got that and it was worse than getting NOTHING. Although I agree with everything you've said here. Over 20 years and that is still fresh in my mind.

Mom2Dogs · ‎03-09-2010

esmeraldagooch.....Wow! some people are so insensitive!!

hckynut · ‎03-10-2010

Advice: unless the relative brings it up don't talk about it. The why: Age old question of why people do things that are harmful to their bodies, some of which are illegal? Unfortunately there are no answers to everything that happens in life.

hckynut(john)

CouponQueen · ‎10-21-2010

I am sorry your family is dealing with this. I agree on the support groups..as while you want to kick the kids butt over this..drug addiction is severe and a disease/addiction..they made that choice to use and abuse but once at that point ..they need a tremendous support system to get out and clean up ..and hopefully that is what they want to do.

You have to treat it like any other thing..it is a horrifying and embarassing thing for any family to be going thru and dealing with but they need all need support.

I pray things turn out well..