How do u deal with in-laws that you absolutely hate?

Eeeks.........How does your DH feel about your (both of you) situation? Sometimes it is a good idea to just let them fall off your shoulders, or whatever that saying is. Do they live near you? Need more info.

On 10/19/2014 ROMARY said:

Eeeks.........How does your DH feel about your (both of you) situation? Sometimes it is a good idea to just let them fall off your shoulders, or whatever that saying is. Do they live near you? Need more info.

They live about 45 minutes away. We see them 2-3 times a month when they are not traveling. It is a sore spot between my husband and I.

d/p

I had some bad inlaws the last time. While I can be pleasant and kind around people I don't like, it was hard year after year to be nice to awful people. His mother was sweet and kind like him, and his father and sister were just mean, ugly people.

I'd just do what I have to do and enjoy my time away from them.

Fortunately, now, I don't have inlaws. His family is all dead, and they were before I met him. He doesn't have to worry about inlaws either because my horrible so-called mother wrote me off about 10 years ago and my father moved almost across the country so I only have the occasional phone conversation with him. He has met them both and did like my father but he saw through my so-called mother in a hot second so he doesn't miss her or even ever ask about her. She could be dead for all I know at this point.

O.K. Two or three times a month is better than living in the same neighborhood or town, where they would be dropping by every day or a few times a week. If you can focus on that, It might help a tiny bit. How do your children feel about their grandma? I am just trying to figure out something that might help you with your situation............maybe other posters will have better suggestions. Wishing you the very best, and I might post later on (as soon as I figure out how to remove whatever is stuck underneath my apostrophe key).

Good luck to you.

I had a similar situation years ago, not with inlaws but with other relatives. It got so bad I saw a counselor. He helped me immensely. What I learned after just two visits was that the other people's behavior will not change but I can change how I deal with them. We developed strategies based on some of the typically awful interactions we had. Most interesting was the fact that I actually gained more control by manipulating my behavior in such a way that those awful interactions couldn't happen. I recommend that you try a couple of counseling sessions, maybe one of which can be with your husband. You also need to negotiate the number of visits per month that you agree to. My daughter had to do that with her now ex husband. His mother was very cruel yet her husband wanted my daughter to accompany him each week to visit his mother. With the help of the counselor, a third party mediator, they agreed that my daughter would visit once a month and her husband could continue his once a week visits. Unfortunately they had many more probems and the marriage broke up but at least they dealt with this one issue.

If you can't stand them, let your hubby do the visiting.

On 10/19/2014 YorkieonmyPillow said:

If you can't stand them, let your hubby do the visiting.

This is good advice.

Let your DH travel to their home. Without you. Assuming your children are older than toddlers he should be able to take them. Or better yet, only one child at a time. This week when they visit, take the oldest. Next week, take the youngest.

He can stop and pick up a hot meal carry to take with him or a pie and stay for coffee.

If he INSISTS you go, put a time limit. Stay for 60-90 minutes. Take 2 cars if necessary or leave and tell him to call you when he's ready to get picked up and go.

This definitely applies to me, and I have chosen to avoid contact with these people as much as possible. I have long accepted that it is what it is, and I just focus on living my life.