EXTREME Cheapness in Elderly

Vivian · ‎03-11-2010

My 92 year old mother is fortunate in that she has enough money to live very comfortably. My accountant husband analyzed her investments and she has more than enough even if she lives another 20 years. That's the good news. The bad news is Mom lives as if she were on her last dollar. We visited this past weekend and I realized that her lifelong frugality, the result of living through the Depression, has now become pathological cheapness. She eats spoiled and expired food. If something breaks, she refuses to fix it. When I intervene and buy her something new she puts it away and refuses to use it or she insists that I take it home. She goes to the dollar store and buys cheap cleaning supplies and never reads the directions, i.e., the product she bought had to be diluted and gloves were recommended when using it. She did neither. If there's a sale, she hoards. I counted 21 clothing detergents. Her garage is filled with paper products that could last a teenager a lifetime. She does not see that this is a problem, but when she reheated food for the fourth time and cooked up moldy strawberries, I begged her not to eat them. She says she has a cast iron stomach. I think she has developed an immunity. When my father was alive, he moderated my mother's behavior but with Dad gone Mom has become fixated on being as cheap as possible. I don't know what to do.

jewelfool · ‎03-10-2010

While my mom does not eat old food, she is very very frugal with her money. She's in her 80s and is comfortable enough to not NEED to worry about money but that's all she talks about. She complains about every little expense she has and will not go buy enough groceries to have a well stocked kitchen to eat from. It is all she thinks about. I think it's from being raised in the Depression, her husband dying at a very young age and just the generation that never bought anything on credit but paid cash for everything. Her first question to any and everything my DH and I do is "how much did that cost?"

JamicaJammer · ‎01-14-2013

Do you live close to your mom? Can you help her purge the house/fridge/cupboards to get everything old out of there all at once, then to have more hands-on oversight for her day-to-day living?

Vivian · ‎03-11-2010

I live 5 hours from my mother and visit every couple of months. My brother lives 15 minutes from her but doesn't want to involve himself with this problem. Whenever I visit, I purge as much food as I can while Mom takes her afternoon nap. This time she caught me. I was about to toss her yogurt, which expired in June. She insisted that I return it to the fridge. I am at the point where I just let her be pathologically cheap and wait for her pay the consequences.

chrystaltree · ‎05-10-2010

First get on you knees and thank God that you still have your mother with you and then thank Him for giving her the strength, health and vitality needed to go shopping at Dollar Store and to be active and self sufficient. As far as her spending habits go. Mind your own business, it's her money and she's free to spend it or not spend it as she so pleases. You call it hoarding, she probably calls it saving for a rainy day. She's financially well of today because that is how she lived her entire life. Why would she stop now? She's part of a generation that was frugal and believed in saving. She's 92 and her sense of taste and smell have declined. That's very common in the very elderly. Instead of complaining, when you visit purge some of the old stuff from her fridge. She's 92. Do you know how fortunate you are?

Marienkaefer2 · ‎03-09-2010

On 10/15/2014 chrystaltree said:
First get on you knees and thank God that you still have your mother with you and then thank Him for giving her the strength, health and vitality needed to go shopping at Dollar Store and to be active and self sufficient. As far as her spending habits go. Mind your own business, it's her money and she's free to spend it or not spend it as she so pleases. You call it hoarding, she probably calls it saving for a rainy day. She's financially well of today because that is how she lived her entire life. Why would she stop now? She's part of a generation that was frugal and believed in saving. She's 92 and her sense of taste and smell have declined. That's very common in the very elderly. Instead of complaining, when you visit purge some of the old stuff from her fridge. She's 92. Do you know how fortunate you are?

I think you totally missed the point of the post. The o/p is concerned for her mother because she sees her doing some things that could endanger herself or her health. Eating spoiled food..She could end up very sick. Then you would be admonishing her for not watching out for her elderly mother enough.

If you have a garden and a library, you have everything you need.--Marcus Tullius Cicero

chrystaltree · ‎05-10-2010

On 10/15/2014 Marienkaefer2 said:
On 10/15/2014 chrystaltree said:
First get on you knees and thank God that you still have your mother with you and then thank Him for giving her the strength, health and vitality needed to go shopping at Dollar Store and to be active and self sufficient. As far as her spending habits go. Mind your own business, it's her money and she's free to spend it or not spend it as she so pleases. You call it hoarding, she probably calls it saving for a rainy day. She's financially well of today because that is how she lived her entire life. Why would she stop now? She's part of a generation that was frugal and believed in saving. She's 92 and her sense of taste and smell have declined. That's very common in the very elderly. Instead of complaining, when you visit purge some of the old stuff from her fridge. She's 92. Do you know how fortunate you are?

I think you totally missed the point of the post. The o/p is concerned for her mother because she sees her doing some things that could endanger herself or her health. Eating spoiled food..She could end up very sick. Then you would be admonishing her for not watching out for her elderly mother enough.

No, I got it. But the woman is 92 and I didn't get the idea that this was new behavior or that she has any cognitive deficits. She just isn't doing what her daughter wants her to do. It's hard to change 62 years olds, she isn't going to change a 92 year old. Instead of nagging and hounding the old lady, she should just take postive steps where she can.

DottieBlue · ‎03-11-2010

Vivian, please don't take offense but your Mom sounds like those profiled on the TV shows "Hoarders". This isn't a new behavior for her, but you said your Dad was able to moderate it. But now that she lives alone, there is no one around to "watch" her and it seems it is getting out of control.

Perhaps she needs a caretaker who could do the cooking (and clean out expired food) since her eating habits are extremely unhealthy. It is NOT normal to eat moldy food. Altho, if she is still going strong at 92 she MUST have a cast-iron stomach!

I hope I didn't sound offensive. I wish you and your Mom well.

happygolfcartrider · ‎05-10-2013

OMG, you just described my deceased Mother In Law. She was the cheapest woman I have ever met in my lifetime to the point of insanity. She and FIL were so anorexic it was pitiful but she would "save" the food anyone brought to them and not eat it.

It really is a sickness when an elderly person gets this way, had she not passed we were on the verge of having them both declared incompetent.

Don't worry, be Happy!

Vivian · ‎03-11-2010

There is nothing admirable about an elderly woman eating moldy food or using a broken mop held together with tape that can break and cause her to lose her balance. No good can come of using old appliances, like a defective toaster oven that can catch fire because it's held together by pieces of plastic. There is nothing to be thankful for in drinking out of chipped cups, broken dishes, or cheap glasses that break in one's hands because they are so flimsy. I have tried to rectify all of these things but I am met with rejection at every turn. When we convinced my mother to hire someone to come in for a couple of hours in the morning to help her dress (she has osteoarthritis) and cook light meals, she fired the woman as soon as we left for home. She finally agreed to have a cleaning woman a few times a month and that was a great victory but I have gotten no further with anything else.