family

1966 · ‎09-06-2010

I don't post very often but read, I need opinions about my daughter. She's 44, remarried, we have 11 granddaughter who is everything to my husband and me. She has always wanted to visit us spend the night just have a good time and always Syd how much she loves us. After school 3 or 4 times a week she would call me and give me the latest news usually on boys and always want us to be near her.

My daughter has always been carrying and good. He's a lawyer. When she told us she was getting a divorce 3 years ago we were very surprise. First husband they were together for 15 years but had been together since high school. He has a wonderful job, good father, always gave our daughter every thing. But she decided she wanted a man who would hold hands, dance, drink some and party. So divorce, he gave her EVERYTHING,.

Two months after divorce she had a man move in, he had nothing but clothes on his back. He drinks, every other word is Mother F. . Told daughter why goes he use that language around our grand daughter. His two children 21 and 23 have nothing to do with him. Our daughter has used 200,000 on him for cars, football games, you name it. Been told not our business and I omit I voice my opinion since my daughter is trying to get Syd turn against her father now, who is a wonderful father in every way. He's going with a very nice lady and we wish him well which our daughter doesn't think we should even say hi to him if we see him. I think she's jelous of the other lady

Sorry for errors I'm just sick. We don't know if we should tell her ex what is happening.

SAD a month ago daughter said we can not speak to our grand daughter or see her any more. I'm sick, has any one else had this happen?

Mom2Dogs · ‎03-09-2010

You ex son in law is a lawyer, he should know his legal rights concerning his daughter, and if your daughter is not allowing you to see your grand daughter possibly you could get grandparent visitation rights, if that is allowed. Sorry about what is happening sounds like your daughter has some issues she needs to work thru.........good luck, we also have a divorced daughter and we rarely see our granddaughter......

JamicaJammer · ‎01-14-2013

I'd contact your former son-in-law, and make sure he knows YOUR VERSION. He may/may not. And honestly, it is just that ..... your PERCEPTION of the situation.

I'm so sorry for this mess....hopefully the dad will get your gd and allow you to see her again.

Gayle2 · ‎07-12-2011

I don't have any advice but just wanted to say that I am sorry you are hurting. The older I get, the more I realize how complex family uses can become. There is a website called grandparents.com this site has a wealth of information on various matters that a grandparent may face.

curlywhitedog · ‎03-09-2010

I'm so sorry for all you're going through 1966, for sure it's not an easy thing to deal with but I'm not sure there's much you can do to change things. The saddest thing of all is that your daughter won't let you speak to your granddaughter but that does make me wonder if she might be under the control of the man she's seeing now. Other than the fact that you don't like him, is he controlling and does he have your daughter under his thumb?

I'm not sure what her x-husband can do about this except perhaps as it pertains to his children but as a grandmother you have rights, rights you should enforce if you continue to be denied visitation. I'm not sure talking to your ex SIL will help, I doubt he can do anything to over ride your daughter's wishes.

I hope things get better...

Maria

Kachina624 · ‎03-10-2010

I'm very sad that you have not been able to contact your granddaughter, but if I were you I'd mind my own business and stay out of the unpleasantness. Meddling will bring you nothing but more unhappiness. In the end it'll just make the situation worse. Most kids your GD's age have cell phones, does she? Perhaps buying her one would help re-establish contact.

New Mexico☀️Land Of Enchantment

1966 · ‎09-06-2010

Thank you for your comments. Daughter is married to this second man for 2 years now. The ex husband would let us come to his house to see Syd. but my husband is worried Syd would get in trouble for visiting us. We don't want her to get in trouble, she told me a while back that our daughter ask her to say what we all had talked about and believe we never have said noting in from of Syd about new husband.

I just have a hard time trying to think what happen in the relationship. Like I said the 2 of us have always had different opinions but she's like a stranger.

With her first marriage we were able to help them with their house remodeling but my husband told her not this time and I know that upset her. She even wanted a fancy wedding bigger than her first and my husband told go for it but not with our money, so told me it's my fault.

My husband says our grand daughter is smart she knows we love it and in a year or 2 she can even go live with her dad.

Colonel Meow · ‎05-25-2014

First, let me say that I'm so sorry you are going through this, 1966. You obviously care very much about your family and I can tell this is tearing you apart. ${#emotions_dlg.unsure}$ Having said that, I hope you won't take offense at the following observations/questions.

1. (I say this very gently and with kindness) - It truly is none of your business how your daughter chooses to live her life, however upsetting it may be to you.

2. It seems as though you bestow every accolade on your former SIL, yet so much judgement and blame for your daughter. I'm guessing that this has not gone unnoticed by your daughter, and that she feels resentful about your loyalty to her former husband. Just a thought...

3. Like momtodogs posted above, your former SIL is a lawyer, and is perfectly able to advocate for his own interests (and on behalf of his own daughter if he feels that mom's new lifestyle is endangering Syd).

Again, my intention is not to make you feel worse about your situation. I am only hoping to offer you a different perspective that may allow you to approach this situation from a less emotional frame of mind. I wish you the very best.

dobiesrule · ‎07-24-2014

I am so sorry for the situation you are in. To not be able to talk to your daughter or granddaughter must be terribly painful. Like EGW, I have no advice, but hope that things will improve with time.