Friend dilema??

It will be interesting to hear what people tell you. I'm kind of going through something similar, and it has been very upsetting to me. My friend who upsets me the most is very picky, critical and gossipy about others. It grates on my nerves and I find it very upsetting because our paths cross a lot in social situations. Because of this, I can't just write her off, so I'm going to have to limit talking to her. There are times it nearly makes me ill. I really don't want to be friends with her--but we are in several groups together and I don't want to quit the groups. (By the way, a couple of these are church settings which makes it extra touchy.)

I'm working on it, and it takes some maneuvering. I've learned not to say hardly ANYTHING to her because it gets repeated and embellished. I've even tried to tell her in a general way about her behavior, but it just goes over her head. I know what you mean about hating the feeling.

I am not a chicken--but I just don't want this to turn out badly. The groups are small enough that it would affect others and the dynamics of the group.

If I couldn't say what I wanted to say about anyone around a person? Ain't no way I would consider them my best friend, or as you put it, "the one I am the closest to".

Best friends are the ones you are suppose to be able to tell anything to at times, not someone who judges others you choose for friends. By saying she doesn't like "your other friends", to me that would mean she doesn't respect or think much of your judgement when it comes to whom you like as friends.

hckynut...you just got my attention. It IS almost like she doesn't respect my judgment of friends. She is very critical of everyone. She seems to not to really have any friends other than me. I am friends with ALOT of people, I've always been very social & I thought she was, but now seeing a different side of her lately. She even will criticize me being friends with people & makes me feel about this ? tall,lol. We always have fun, but bringing others into the conversation, just ruins everything. Yes, we CAN talk about other things...but for instance 1 of the friends parents have been ill. Even when I mention that she gets so weird. I don't think she is so narrow minded that she wants only 1 friend, I just don't get it with her?? I have several different circles of friends, much like poster #1 ivey, but she doesn't know anyone except our "school friends circle".

ivey, I am also anxious to hear what others have to say. Glad I am not the only person who has this issue.

"Don't tell me to cut this friend out.".

Why not?? Why are you still "close"?????? More going on here, me thinks.

When a woman gets involved with a abusive and controlling man the first thing that man will do is make every possible attempt to separate her from her friends and close family. It sounds like your friend is abusive and controlling. DO NOT LET THIS PERSON COME BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR OTHER FRIENDS. that is her goal - to separate you from them so once she is all you have then she can totally control you.

I used to always be the one stuck at dinners with the misfit, the outcast, the mean person nobody could stand and had to sit there with the miserable person yapping and complaining in my ear. I finally realized I was, how should I put this gently, being stupid.

If people can't learn to play nicely with others you can let them victimize you or not. It is as simple as that. You can't change them or help them in most cases and you need to learn to recognize when that is the case. Some people need and accept a hand socially, some are ostracized simply because they are tactless bores. You can either let these folks hang on you, or simply nod a couple of time and walk away from them to another group.

Seasons change people don't, don't bring up your other friends in your conversations and she can't complain. The less she knows, the better off you will be.

This thread is making my SMH.

tx-starlight, you've come here for advice, but limit the advice you'll accept, even though the advice you don't want to hear might be exactly the advice you need.

People change and friendships do to. If you can't be open or discuss anything and everything, then sometimes you have to move along. Yeah, you'll need to find strength to do that. The other option is to stay weak and knuckle under and abide by her terms of the relationship. And really, with the limits she establishes, whether verbally or by inference, what kind of relationship is it if you are the one making all the concessions? How can that be good for you or something you'd want to continue to be a part of?