Holidays at Home
154 Members and 11034 Guests Online

Viewpoints

Is he going to pop the question?

Started 1343695597.197 in Viewpoints | Last reply 1350493211.91 by JustJazzmom

Been dating for about 6 months. We are both divorced with kids-my three ages 1, 4 and 7. His two ages 7 and 11. Recently when we were discussing my co-workers engagement he asked if I would say yes if he bought me a ring. Then another time he suggested us all buying a big house and living together. I don't think I reacted very positively or negatively either time. Just kind of froze up, then we both laughed and that was it. Still, it makes me think this is where his head is. Unless I'm that bad at reading the signals. What are your thoughts?

Page 1 of 4
1 2 3 4 Next
SydneyH1343695778.03341215 PostsRegistered 2/25/2006

You really need to ask him.............

A great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.

-- Walter Bagehot

anisa1343696110.8432222 PostsRegistered 3/25/2005

He seems to be feeling you out, but I definitely wouldn't think about buying a house with him unless you are married. Just saying.

mermayd721343696143.28308 PostsRegistered 8/6/2010

Well I am not going to do that. I love him and if he is thinking about it I don't want to ruin it. Just curious if I was letting my imagination run away with me.

anisa1343696305.172222 PostsRegistered 3/25/2005

I think your reaction is quite normal and not imaginary. I'd think the same thing, in your place.

doxiemom 41343696386.76727472 PostsRegistered 12/30/2008NJ-FL

If he should bring this subject again, act happy and agree with what he says. Maybe he is afraid to ask, since you froze up both times. You both seem to love each other. Good Luck.

Holly Noel 7/11/97 1/22/11 RIP My Sweet Angel
Annie Oakley 12/7/00 - 8/26/12, Another Angel.








mermayd721343696442.693308 PostsRegistered 8/6/2010

I kind of feel like its too early for any of it. If he asks we're having a long engagement. :)

anisa1343696554.3032222 PostsRegistered 3/25/2005

Right. Don't rush.

VanSleepy1343696619.152772 PostsRegistered 10/5/2010
On 7/30/2012 masedaferris said:

I kind of feel like its too early for any of it. If he asks we're having a long engagement. :)

After only 6 months and five children to consider, I think you're right that it's too soon for any of this.

SydneyH1343696834.46741215 PostsRegistered 2/25/2006
On 7/30/2012 masedaferris said:

Well I am not going to do that. I love him and if he is thinking about it I don't want to ruin it. Just curious if I was letting my imagination run away with me.

I don't understand how having a conversation about your future, especially considering the amount of children involved would ruin anything.

A great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.

-- Walter Bagehot

dooBdoo1343696836.17316460 PostsRegistered 6/27/2010Beautiful Southeast USA

I agree with the feelings that it might be too soon. Also, blending a family is complicated, so I would think you would want the children involved. I'm an advocate of family counseling when anyone is working toward merging two families with children. My very best wishes to you!Smile


~★~ "You don't have to disrespect and insult others simply to hold your own ground. If you do, that shows how shaky your own position is.” ~Red Haircrow

Nancy Drew1343696915.5875377 PostsRegistered 10/6/2004

I agree with the others. Only 6 months and 5 kids this needs to go slow to make it work. If he is the one to make a future with a solid fondations needs to be built. Good Luck!

Please don't put me in a timeout.

Lynneuk1343697181.6638221 PostsRegistered 11/3/2006

How do you feel about his children? Does he have a good relationship with his ex?

Don't want to be a Debbie Downer but there is a lot to consider in a situation like this.

Could you imagine being a Mom to 5 kids!?!

If it was just the two of you it would be one thing, but with all those young lives at stake I would be very, very wary of jumping into anything permanent.

Six months is no time at all to get to know someone and really see their true colors.

mermayd721343697542.81308 PostsRegistered 8/6/2010

His kids are great, he's a great dad; his family is great, and I can't say enough about him. Talking about our relationshiow wouldn't ruin it Sydney, but if he is actually thinking of proposing it would ruin the surprise. I'm a teacher and great with kids. I can handle all of them when they're with us. I'm not saying I'd say yes or no. Just wondering if I was jumping to conclusions.

bollx1343697569.541096 PostsRegistered 10/26/2011

I think this type of situation (both having several kids) accelerates the relationship. I don't see anything wrong with discussing a future together. He's the one who brought it up. If you think it's going to ruin everything, then it probably isn't right in the first place.

speedyindi­sguise1343697733.928733 PostsRegistered 3/30/2009Atlanta, GA
On 7/30/2012 VanSleepy said:
On 7/30/2012 masedaferris said:

I kind of feel like its too early for any of it. If he asks we're having a long engagement. :)

After only 6 months and five children to consider, I think you're right that it's too soon for any of this.


ITA

Your BELIEFS don’t make you a better person, your BEHAVIOR does.

SydneyH1343697953.12341215 PostsRegistered 2/25/2006
On 7/30/2012 masedaferris said:

Talking about our relationshiow wouldn't ruin it Sydney, but if he is actually thinking of proposing it would ruin the surprise.

Not necessarily, but you have to ask yourself why a discussion of such importance is intimidating imho.

A great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.

-- Walter Bagehot

danni rose1343698540.7472552 PostsRegistered 5/14/2011

{#emotions_dlg.closedeyes}

Me And My ­Shadow1343699331.8231087 PostsRegistered 1/8/2009
On 7/30/2012 SpeedyG said:
On 7/30/2012 VanSleepy said:
On 7/30/2012 masedaferris said:

I kind of feel like its too early for any of it. If he asks we're having a long engagement. :)

After only 6 months and five children to consider, I think you're right that it's too soon for any of this.


ITA


I also agree!....When children this young are involved, they should be the priority.....Don't underestimate them.....They are being affected by everything that is going on....and it can be very confusing for them.

mermayd721343699885.883308 PostsRegistered 8/6/2010

Sydney, it doesn't intimidate me.

Maggie Nol­ia1343699987.71314669 PostsRegistered 1/30/2006

Is he going to pop the question?

If he does after only six months, the answer should be no.

Buzzards fly in packs. Eagles soar alone.

Pray for the USA.


"Let's roll." ~ Todd Beamer, 9/11/01.

anonomisss1343704883.5331010 PostsRegistered 5/7/2011NY

wow,lots of kids and not much time together.

better if he waits to pop any question imo...

anonomisss1343705027.4671010 PostsRegistered 5/7/2011NY

His kids are great, he's a great dad; his family is great, and I can't say enough about him. Talking about our relationshiow wouldn't ruin it Sydney, but if he is actually thinking of proposing it would ruin the surprise. I'm a teacher and great with kids. I can handle all of them when they're with us. I'm not saying I'd say yes or no. Just wondering if I was jumping to conclusions

at 6 months its always great, even a year it's all good.

2 words, long engagement..

Hildegarde­ Withers1343705317.9411690 PostsRegistered 11/9/2011

Don't forget to give us any updates.

I hope everything works out the way you want it to.

Shorty2U1343705636.06714805 PostsRegistered 6/24/2007PA

I dont know but I think its a bit soon considering the amount of time youve been together and with such young children. I wish you luck though!

"And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make"

Marienkaef­er1343707827.1975715 PostsRegistered 12/15/2008Beautiful San Juan Islands

Ok, here's a warning for the o/p.

Someone very close in my family went through a similar experience. She was divorced with three young children, he with two.

They each had been divorced less than a year. After "dating" for a few months, he proposed.

Before the marriage, he was great, especially with the kids. Seemed like the perfect dad and husband.

After the marriage, everything changed. He became very controlling and manipulative and was not so great with any of the kids, including his own, anymore.

You'd better get to know him for a very long time before you get married.
When you have kids, you are vulnerable. You are looking for a "complete" family situation and everything looks rosy. Just proceed with caution is what I'm saying.

The moral arc of the universe is long, but it bends toward justice.--MLK

Page 1 of 4
1 2 3 4 Next