Reading the no gift thread got me thinking, again, about when I can/should stop giving gifts to Godchildren, nephews, nieces etc. Between us, DH and I have four Godchildren. We have given to them since they were babies and still do. My Mom gave a little something to her one niece/Godchild until Mom died. My MIL gave until they were out of school and on their own. Every year I want to give up giving to my DH's two nephews...ages 32 and 35....I know, I know. I was determined to stop this year and then my sil said that "the kids" had gotten us something. Groan......am I cheap?, no...don't think so but we give these two "boys" $100 each and I think it should stop. DH, helpfully, says "Do what you want." I stopped with my two when they turned 21 and just give them something small.
I am looking for a consensus of opinion. Perhaps I will be brave enough to stop
formerly elvis (small letters) member since 2004
missing 2000+ posts
I think I stopped at 18 for nieces and nephews. So did their parents for my kids.
For x-mas and birthdays our family stops at 18. Only grandparents still give over the age of 18. It can be akward, I know.
Please don't put me in a timeout.
My mom stopped giving her nieces and nephews gifts by age 18. My uncle stopped giving my brother and I gifts at 21.
Since it sounds like you're still close and have a relationship with them, maybe the entire family could go the "draw a name" route.
Could the mother be helping carry this gift-giving thing on?
Do any of them ask what YOU want? If they do, you could tell them nothing and you won't be getting them anything either.
All this gift giving...a big stressor!
"...and I'll be awful sometimes
weakened to my knees
but I'll learn to get by
on the little victories."
(Little Victories, Matt Nathanson)
Sorry...I'm not a victim.
No one is ever to old to stop getting gifts in my family - no matter how small!
Edited by terrier2 at 12/16/2009 2:52 PM PST
Last edited on 12/16/2009
It may be too late for this year, but perhaps you should approach them early next year and just say that you would like to give up the gift exchange. Sometimes the other party wants the same thing, but no one wants to bring it up for fear of appearing cheap. We had a gift exchange with a group of friends for years, and it really got stale. Finally, one person brought up the idea of stopping, and everyone else was relieved to be done with it.
"Those convinced against their will are of the same opinion still."
> It may be too late for this year, but perhaps you
> should approach them early next year and just say
> that you would like to give up the gift exchange.
> Sometimes the other party wants the same thing, but
> t no one wants to bring it up for fear of appearing
> cheap. We had a gift exchange with a group of
> friends for years, and it really got stale.
> . Finally, one person brought up the idea of
> stopping, and everyone else was relieved to be done
> with it.
ITA with UConnMom.
I am proud and honored to belong to Donna's ilk. ;-)
We stop buying gifts once they turn 25. We're down to 2 nieces!
You are very generous w/your 2 nephews; I'm sure they'll be disappointed not to get [u]that[/u] anymore!
> No one is ever to old to stop getting gifts in my
> family - no matter how small!
> Edited by terrier2 at 12/16/2009 2:52 PM PST
LOL!! I was just thinking "Well, we're up to 96 years old now. . . and I don't have a concrete answer for 'ya!"
Seriously, I think when kids go their own way and you don't see them any more. Other than that, a book or a cd or something small that they would enjoy when they get older--more like gifts the adults give. Or a Starbucks gift card and some candy. . . just a little "I love you" neat thing.
Edited by Sooner at 12/16/2009 3:16 PM PST
Last edited on 12/16/2009
I agree with UConnMom2008, too.
I stopped sending cards with checks inside to one nephew after he graduated from college and started working.
We're getting close to that point now with a few others.
In the past, I always got thank you cards that often said "thank you for contributing to my college fund". So once college is over, and they're earning their own money, I think it can be phased out....
We never did stop, they are all adults now, 4 nieces and one nephew and two grand (?) nieces.
All the older ones got birthday gifts this year but they are not getting Christmas gifts.
The two little ones were sent birthday gifts and have been sent token Christmas gifts, but this will be the last year for the that. They have no idea who we are other than someone that sends presents.
It's not because of their ages that we have decided to stop but their lack of manners, not a phone call or e-mail to say thank you for the birthday gifts.
Neither of us are looking for or expecting gifts from any of them, but it sure would have been nice for my husband and myself to get a card or phone call on our birthdays.
The prettiest smiles hide the deepest secrets.
The prettiest eyes have cried the most tears.
The kindest hearts have felt the most pain.
High school graduation is the cut off for gifts, unless it is wedding or new baby.
I believe you created the problem by giving cash instead of an actual gift. If you had given a real gift each year, you could have decreased the value over time and now just send a small token gift.
There is no way to decrease the $100 cash over time without it being glaringly obvious. Then again, if you had been sending gifts rather than cash, they would be more willing to discontinue the exchange.
Why not this year send a gift instead of cash? Next year do the same and the following year they will no doubt want to end the exchange.
Stop at the age when you are no longer feeling that a gift is appreciated or you no longer feel the spirit of giving. Some small gift that is personal to each if you have a close relationship would be best, but giving money to thirty somethings makes no sense IMO.
I stopped the nieces and nephews at 18.
I'll probably never stop my grandkids, although they are only
4 & 6 right now, but I will take your advice and give gifts instead of cash to I can scale back once they are adults.
This goes for birthdays too.
I'm still giving gifts and I'm -- well, never mind.
"Let's roll!" Todd Beamer 9/11/01
Buzzards fly in packs. Eagles soar alone.
Pray for the USA.
"Let's roll." ~ Todd Beamer, 9/11/01.