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Need ideas on how to celebrate my 40th birthday. Please help me, Im going beserk over this

Started 1309093062.957 in Viewpoints | Last reply 1309221178.253 by danni rose

I'm going to be 40 yrs old on October 6th.

My origional goal that I had been working on for the last year was to spend my 40th birthday in Scotland. I never go anywhere or do anything, and this was my big fat dream.

Well, that dream got crushed because:

1) Noone will go with me. No-one. Not a sibling, neither of my parents, OR my boyfriend of the last 6 years. Going alone would just be too depressing for me, so Ive ruled it out. My best friend would possibly go, but we're both temporarily laid off, so financially, she cannot...

I was thinking of going somewhere else with my boyfriend where we can drive to- Salem, MA, Glouster MA or even Nova Scotia- but these places are just as costly as me going to Scotland (sans the plane ticket) so I cant justify it. I'd rather spend that money in the UK than MA. Its just not special enough....

I just am at a loss of what to do. I live in Upstate, NY- my family lives 3-4 hrs. away in NYC.

I was thinking of throwing a theme party (western), but its alot of work and expense for me to throw a really cool and different party- I dunno- seems like more stress than fun

Im so depressed over this. I DO NOT want to wind up sitting in the local Italian restaurant with my boyfriend for my 40th birthday. I never do anything special- we dont vacation, or do anything out of the ordinary & I had dreamed this would be the ONE time I would do something extravagant but WHAT? I dont know

Sorry to be so whaaa over this, but for some reason, Im just stressing out over this. Its dragging me down.

Has anyone done anything really cool or been to anything they really enjoyed they can recommend for me?? I want to go into 40 happy, not depressed!!!!

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ChynaGirl1309093502.1773895 PostsRegistered 12/2/2005

Do yourself a GREAT favor and give yourself a wonderful present. Go to Scotland. Alone. You will have the time of your life, meet many lovely people, make lots of new friends, and have fantastic adventures. Who cares if no one goes with you... you wouldn't want someone who doesn't want to be there with you anyway, they'd just be sour and grumpy the whole time and that's no fun.

I know of an 18 or 19 year old girl who traveled through Asia by herself for several months. She said it was the time of her life (she's now in her 30s).

BTW, if I had a boyfriend of so many years and he wouldn't go to Scotland with me on my 40th birthday, I'd say bye-bye and "Sláinte' (which is cheers and good health in Scottish).

speedyindi­sguise1309093714.138733 PostsRegistered 3/30/2009Atlanta, GA

I think you're putting too much pressure on yourself for that one day you turn 40. Why not make Scottland a goal to do in your 40th year? Scope out travel companies who specialize in trips for singles. It doesn't mean everyone on the trip is looking for a mate. It just means most everyone is traveling by themselves, like you would be.

Your BELIEFS don’t make you a better person, your BEHAVIOR does.

ChynaGirl1309093789.7933895 PostsRegistered 12/2/2005

A few more thoughts...

Don't settle for that Italian restaurant unless it's located in Italy.

Who cares if no one goes with you. YOU go! You're going to be 40 years old, you're a big girl and can do what you want, and go where you want. It will not be depressing, it won't. Because it's your birthday, your trip, your dream. If you really don't want to travel alone, book a tour with a group of people and travel around the country with them.

A friend of mine just came back from Scotland a couple of weeks ago. She was there for 8 days... drove around the country, about a thousand miles. She loved it, and next time I'm going with her!

Seriously, go. You won't regret it.

If you don't go, you WILL regret that.

speedyindi­sguise1309094314.8738733 PostsRegistered 3/30/2009Atlanta, GA

Here are some links to travel companies/hotels who encourage those travelling alone to the area you're looking to go (Scotland). These are only two of so many you can find online -- Google search "Scotland" and "traveling single" or "solo travelers" or similar phrasing. You'll meet WONDERFUL people!

Lynott Tours

Aberfeldy Weem Hotel

Your BELIEFS don’t make you a better person, your BEHAVIOR does.

FreddieP1309094590.8371395 PostsRegistered 4/17/2008

Laura, I would not give up your Scotland dream. If it were me, I would go to a travel agent and research different tour groups. There are so many out there that offer lots of different kinds of trips. You would have companionship, you would know the exact cost of the trip and the whole thing would be planned for you in advance as far as meals, tours and logistics.

If, however, this is not your thing and you would be comfortable goinig alone, I would buy that ticket and pack my bag. You might regret further down the road settling for something less on your 40th birthday.

guatmum1309094738.9132885 PostsRegistered 10/24/2008

I have 2 suggestions:

1. As others have said, go to Scotland on your own. You can go with a tour group or meet up with a group there. Ask a travel agent. I've travelled all over the world on my own (you're never alone), including picking up my newly-adopted daughter from a third-world country, and have had a great time. Don't limit yourself to things you do with a partner of some sort - if you never find a life-long partner, you'll end up missing out on a lot. You also won't settle for a life-long partner just because there is so much you want to do with them because you'll be independent.

2. Learn not to go berserk over anything. Life's too short. Remember the saying, if you can't change the wind then you've got to change your sails. Adapt, live your life according to your own blueprint, no one else's. Have fun!

"Life's a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death!" - Auntie Mame

Linders Ba­ck1309094952.148725 PostsRegistered 9/4/2005Second star to the right and straight on till morning.

I agree with all the above.

Scotland is a wonderful place, and if that is your dream ....GO! There is no substitute.

Between now and then I would also suggest looking for better company at home rather than all the naysayers or party-poopers who want to rain on your parade.

What exactly is the BF's reason for not wanting to share this trip with you? It better be a darn good one or I would kick him to the curb and start looking for someone who shares your passions.

"SHUT UP LEGS" - Jens Voight

speedyindi­sguise1309095579.178733 PostsRegistered 3/30/2009Atlanta, GA

ITA with Linder about your boyfriend not wanting to go with you and kicking him to the curb. A significant other should want to share life with you - that means compromising and doing things that might not be on the top of his list, but are on the top of spouse/sig other's list!

Your BELIEFS don’t make you a better person, your BEHAVIOR does.

kaybee1309096369.0738445 PostsRegistered 7/3/2006Wisconsin

The OP said she was layed off.

Maybe the mature thing to do would be to wait until she's employed again. Maybe her family and bf agree?

Just sayin'........



PpprMintPa­tty1309096440.4718814 PostsRegistered 8/7/2007Outside our Nation's Capitol

You're going to ruin it just from the stress you're putting upon yourself. Do what you really want to do if you're financially able to swing it. I personally wouldn't go if it was going to give me financial difficulty.

I know a few people that have traveled alone with groups and they've always had a wonderful time.

Who knows, you might meet someone that would be willing to go to the ends of the earth for you...everyday, not just when you turn 40.Wink

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~Formerly known as Danny~

ib_sewing21309097146.7171214 PostsRegistered 1/14/2007
On 6/26/2011 SpeedyG said:

I think you're putting too much pressure on yourself for that one day you turn 40. Why not make Scottland a goal to do in your 40th year? Scope out travel companies who specialize in trips for singles. It doesn't mean everyone on the trip is looking for a mate. It just means most everyone is traveling by themselves, like you would be.

I agree with SpeedyG.....You will be 40 for 365 days.... so change you goal to "in your 40th year".

Going to Scotland seems like had been a dream of yours for a long time..... I agree with Other posters..... started checking out some travel options..... do it..... time is too short not to go with your DREAM....live for today - because tomorrow may never come!

I wish you luck - Please look into this - google it and keep us informed - but do this for yourself! you deserve it!

laurachipp­ewa1309097484.547370 PostsRegistered 7/2/2006

Thanks for all the replies so far.

BELIEVE ME, Ive considered going by myself and just not sure I have the confidence to do it. Then I think of me sitting alone in a hotel room by myself on my 40th bday and wonder if I'll be having such a great time.....

And please dont even get me started on the boyfriend thing. I have ALOT of underlying animosity for him right now over this as he is a 51 year old selfish BABY. Oh, the excuses are many and lame- I dont have the money, I have no desire to go to Sotland, I dont want to fly, I have no passport, I wouldnt spend the money on Scotland if I had it, Blah, blah, blah blah. Believe me, I have no love or defense of him over this incredibly selfish behavior. So please, dont make me feel worse over him than I already do....

Listen, I am usually NOT a neurotic, anxious person and am quite laid back and mellow. Whats making me stressed is the time frame. I gotta make a decision here!! Its been creeping up on me and I still dont have a plan.....I'm a HORRIBLE planner- always flying by the seat of my pants.

Yes, the unemployment thing is also a factor- HOWEVER- I do have some money saved up and a home equity line of credit I am willing to tap into IF NECESSARY. A couple thousand (2-3k) wouldnt kill me at a 3% interest rate. I wouldnt normally use it for something frivoulous, but I dont see this as frivolous (The boyfriend does.. but its MY house and MY money so he has no say)

Im checking into solo trips but the information is vast and varied. It will take me time to research companies. I thought I found a great trip, but then found horrible reviews of the company..ugh....

oh I forgot to add- another option I am considering is giving myself the breast reduction Ive been wanting. I know, its like apples and oranges, BUT, the cost will ultimately be about the same and its also something Ive been wanting for myself and have already been on consultations and found a great female plastic surgeon. So, thats another option for me.

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clemintine1309099803.94718262 PostsRegistered 11/5/2007C.C.

First of all, don't 'throw yourself a part'. That's just weird.

Is it possible someone is planning on surprising you, hence no one will commit to Scotland. Just a possibility, or not.

Salem MA? There's nothing to do there that would be interesting for more than a couple of hours...and it's mostly retail. October is crazy time there too. ICK

How about an island trip. There must be some closer than MA, but we do have Nantucket and Martha's Vineyard and that trip from Boston to P-town on Cape Cod.... they are better in fall than summer (but don't go on that long weekend in Oct!) Is there a destination off NY or CT that would work? DH loves that boat from Maine to Nova Scotia, but I'm not a fan.

MAYBE, just maybe, a nice quiet weekend ALONE is just what you need????? Like breathing room. Quiet reflection. Walking the beach, some retail, some great food, lots of sleep ?!

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ford12241309101042.6273586 PostsRegistered 6/7/2010

Wow.

Whatsoever things are true, honest, just, pure, lovely, of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

BlueCollar­Babe1309103051.48711010 PostsRegistered 9/26/2007

Don't settle for an east coast getaway! When DH and I are in Europe (we go often as my family is there), we frequently meet solo travelers. They all express how they had a little trepidation about setting off on their own but they all say they're so happily surprised at how warm and friendly people are to them and what fun they're having. Go with a tour group if you really think you might get blue and BTW, what the heck is wrong with your BF that he won't go with?!

thalmy1309106231.72276 PostsRegistered 8/31/2009

laurachip, seems what you need is, to take a reality check for your birthday not a trip or anything costly. There has to be a reason why nobody wants to go away with you. Seems your best friend gets it. Why don't you? You are causing your own depression and anxiety over the issue. Give yourself the best 40th birthday present ever. Stop doing this to yourself. Lot's of people would really like to be sitting in an Italian restaurant for dinner with someone special. Many can't afford to do even that or have no S/O. Stop the pity party and get on with the birthday party you can afford.

Thom
Forever in our hearts.

heartkeeper1309106397.8131953 PostsRegistered 1/27/2007

How about get a new boyfriend? j/k kind of

I don't know what to do---how about a spa day for yourself?

ib_sewing21309106580.0931214 PostsRegistered 1/14/2007

If you don't do it..... you will always have the regret that you DIDN"T do it.

laurachipp­ewa1309106814.35370 PostsRegistered 7/2/2006
On 6/26/2011 Love Roses said:

Oh.....boy.

You can't make a mature decision on what to do on your 40th birthday so you have to ask here. I don't buy it. Why should it be anyone's business anyway what you do?

Yes, Thats right I cant make a decision thats why Im here. If I knew what to do, I wouldnt be looking for CONSTRUCTIVE opinions.

laurachipp­ewa1309106904.97370 PostsRegistered 7/2/2006
On 6/26/2011 heartkeeper said:

How about get a new boyfriend? j/k kind of

I don't know what to do---how about a spa day for yourself?

Please, I dont want to make this about the boyfriend. I CAN go without him, Im not totally dependent on him inparticular and neither is my decision.

My boyfriend is a topic for another thread and time.

Brinklii1309107413.92310278 PostsRegistered 10/6/2004Northern WI

I would plan a special dinner at home for you, your boyfriend, your best friend and her SO if she has one. I would have all the yummy foods that you can't afford in a restaurant (lobster, steak, creme brulee, or whatever you love), light candles, have special champagne, beautiful background music, ask everyone to dress in "dressy" casual (I know it's an oxymoron), and just enjoy your time with the people you care about. Maybe take a walk in the moonlight if the weather is nice. I'm a homebody though, so that is what I would enjoy. Save your trip for later. And remember...you're only one day older than you were yesterday. Or as my mother told me, "How would you like to be the mother of a 40 year old?!" BTW...Happy Birthday!

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A tongue has no bones, yet it is strong enough to break a heart. Be careful with your words.

laurachipp­ewa1309107676.153370 PostsRegistered 7/2/2006
On 6/26/2011 thalmy said:

laurachip, seems what you need is, to take a reality check for your birthday not a trip or anything costly. There has to be a reason why nobody wants to go away with you. Seems your best friend gets it. Why don't you? You are causing your own depression and anxiety over the issue. Give yourself the best 40th birthday present ever. Stop doing this to yourself. Lot's of people would really like to be sitting in an Italian restaurant for dinner with someone special. Many can't afford to do even that or have no S/O. Stop the pity party and get on with the birthday party you can afford.

How insulting. Since you asked, yes there IS a reason nobody wants to go with me

1) My parents are elderly and not well. They are not able to travel

2) My sister was run over by a drunk driver and used up her vacation days to recover in a hospital and a rehab for MONTHS so she cannot take off the time from work, she simply doesnt have it

3) my BEST friend and I just got laid off from our real estate position. I made a lot more money than she did this year,, so she does not have the funds to go. we were planning to go together but we did not see the lay-off coming. I was fortunate to have 3x as many sales and bonus's under my belt which I was able to stash some away.

I just went away with her to MONTAUK and we had a great time. Scotland is a bit more involved

4) My BF is being a selfish, cheap baby. THAT I cannot change, but it doesnt stop me from thinking of persuing my goal. I dont NEED him to do this, ALTHOUGH it WOULD be nice.

Please, the point is, I dont want to do the usual. I can go to the local restaurant any old time. Thats NOT what I want to do. Im not "Lots of people". Thats fine if you want to do that, but I do not.

This is not a roast. YES, Im stressed over this. NO this is not a pity party. Im not looking for your sympathy, I'm looking for constructive opinions, which many of the posters have offered and I would like to say THANK YOU to them.

rarejan1309107819.6373757 PostsRegistered 5/14/2011Western New York

DH and I rented an RV and took a trip up the coast of Maine. October is a fabulous month to travel in New England...beautiful foliage, the lobster is sweet and most of the tourists have gone home. It was the best trip we ever took. We did what we felt like, when it suited us, took side trips, ate like kings and made a lot of friends along the way. And who can argue with the scenery! We even went to the White Mountains on the way back...which happens to be my home turf and had a blast there too. And Happy Birthday!

Lisa in VA1309107901.823290 PostsRegistered 5/24/2005

I guess I just don't understand what is so important about a DAY that you are making yourself crazy. If you want to go, GO. If you want to spend it with people you know, invite your friend(s) to go on a spa day (you pay, of course), and then go out to dinner where you would like to go. I agree with the other comments about putting too much pressure to make one day special instead of focusing on doing something different when you are 40 - how about challenging yourself to try 40 new things this year? If you are making yourself so crazy now, what happens on your next milestone birthday? I also agree about NOT throwing yourself a party. If others want to give you a party, great. But, to throw yourself one to celebrate you, I just think is a little desperate. Have fun, whatever you do!

ford12241309108186.33586 PostsRegistered 6/7/2010

With all that's happened to you, I think you may be depressed. This is not a "smart" answer, I truly believe you may need a little counseling to help you deal with what's really bothering you right now.

Whatsoever things are true, honest, just, pure, lovely, of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

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