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How do you feel when your kids move far away?

Started 1290917936.557 in Viewpoints | Last reply 1290988723.477 by gubby1

My oldest son is about to move 1500 miles away...leaves before Christmas. He hasn't lived at home in years and was even in Iraq for 16 months. But I always knew when he was returning. He has a girlfriend who is absolutely wonderful and she's moving with him. He's been with the National Guard for 6 years, 2 yrs active duty, and the rest during college. He graduated and is how a Lieutenant and fulltime Army. I have no idea when I'll see him again. It really scares me to think of that. He'll be all over the world. It's really bothering me.

I've been an empty nester for a couple of years but this is totally different.

I'm a baby about it, I know.

Peace

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Tissyannie1290918121.396563 PostsRegistered 6/26/2010

My son is not too far away, about 6 hours, but when they first move it is not easy to see them go. I think for me it was just telling myself that this was what he wanted and it was his time to enjoy his life. That brought me the most comfort.

Edited to add- No, you're not a baby about it- you are a mom. {#emotions_dlg.wub}

Last edited on 11/27/2010

Last edited on 11/27/2010

I go to prepare a place for you, in my father's house are many mansions.

CalmInTheH­eart1290918381.267158 PostsRegistered 7/14/2007
On 11/27/2010 Tissyannie said:

My son is not too far away, about 6 hours, but when they first move it is not easy to see them go. I think for me it was just telling myself that this was what he wanted and it was his time to enjoy his life. That brought me the most comfort.

Edited to add- No, you're not a baby about it- you are a mom. {#emotions_dlg.wub}

Last edited on 11/27/2010

Thanks. My son is very happy and I won't let him see how I feel. I want him to go and be happy....just not forget me.

Peace

squeezebox1290918539.8175551 PostsRegistered 2/17/2008Land of oz!

My DD and her son, my grandbaby, moved a long ways from home a couple of years ago.
I did not handle it well at all. Especially after I went to visit. I cried/teary eyed all the way home on the plane. I was a wreck. Never told her how bad it was for me.
She has since moved back around the area and I say my prayers every day that she never moves again.
It's not a "need to cut the apron strings" as she's very independent, but it's hard being a parent, let alone a single parent and when you are across the country, there's not alot of help when you need it etc.
I pray she never moves again. She can move after I die, that's my outlook! {#emotions_dlg.thumbup1}

A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.

Longtimesh­op1290918676.35356 PostsRegistered 7/3/2007So Calif
On 11/27/2010 CalmInTheHeart said:
On 11/27/2010 Tissyannie said:

My son is not too far away, about 6 hours, but when they first move it is not easy to see them go. I think for me it was just telling myself that this was what he wanted and it was his time to enjoy his life. That brought me the most comfort.

Edited to add- No, you're not a baby about it- you are a mom. {#emotions_dlg.wub}

Last edited on 11/27/2010

Thanks. My son is very happy and I won't let him see how I feel. I want him to go and be happy....just not forget me.

Calmintheheart, that's how I felt about my daughter when she moved 800 miles away...just don't forget about your Mom!!

normal skin, use perricone, philosophy & ssc; bare minerals, hazel eyes; just turned the 50; and only 1 kitty now -14 y/o

Tissyannie1290918931.836563 PostsRegistered 6/26/2010
On 11/27/2010 CalmInTheHeart said:
On 11/27/2010 Tissyannie said:

My son is not too far away, about 6 hours, but when they first move it is not easy to see them go. I think for me it was just telling myself that this was what he wanted and it was his time to enjoy his life. That brought me the most comfort.

Edited to add- No, you're not a baby about it- you are a mom. {#emotions_dlg.wub}

Last edited on 11/27/2010

Thanks. My son is very happy and I won't let him see how I feel. I want him to go and be happy....just not forget me.

That is exactly what I did and how I felt- I never let him know. {#emotions_dlg.blushing}

I go to prepare a place for you, in my father's house are many mansions.

equestrian­esse1290920159.694270 PostsRegistered 6/25/2007Bay Area, CA

I've lived quite a ways from my parents since I graduated from college, but my parents were very sad when we moved to CA- they live on the East Coast. My older sister and her family live in TX. I know my mom is sad, especially since my sister and I both have children (well, a child, in my case).

My mom cries every time I visit or they visit and it comes time to say goodbye. Honestly, I cry, too. My DH feels the same way about his family, and they about him.

I don't think it ever gets "easier" to be away from those we love. we just do what we must do to follow our dreams. It's nice that you are supporting him, but it's ok to be sad, too. I'm sure he would understand...

equestrian­esse1290920160.3634270 PostsRegistered 6/25/2007Bay Area, CA

I've lived quite a ways from my parents since I graduated from college, but my parents were very sad when we moved to CA- they live on the East Coast. My older sister and her family live in TX. I know my mom is sad, especially since my sister and I both have children (well, a child, in my case).

My mom cries every time I visit or they visit and it comes time to say goodbye. Honestly, I cry, too. My DH feels the same way about his family, and they about him.

I don't think it ever gets "easier" to be away from those we love. we just do what we must do to follow our dreams. It's nice that you are supporting him, but it's ok to be sad, too. I'm sure he would understand...

JudyL1290921355.032497 PostsRegistered 1/11/2008

I know exactly what you're going through. My daughter moved to Toronto, Canada. I live in No. CA. It was a great opportunity for her for her job and I encouraged her to go but I missed her desperately. When I would go visit her or she would come home for a visit, we would both always cry when the other left. It was so hard to be away from her. I never knew if she was going to come home or stay in Canada. Luckily, she came home about 4 years ago and I'm so glad! I now tell her that if she leaves again, I'm following her.

Anyway, having our child(ren) move away is always heart breaking and gut-wrenching but we do adjust. Not sure I ever got used to it, but I did adjust. One thing that my daughter and I did was to email each other when we got to work. Even if it was just a "Good Morning, I love you." It helped to feel that we were in touch with each other. It also helped with the phone bills to email each other.

Can you work something out with your son that you email each other a few times a week or something like that?

Judy

Dream. Live. Believe. Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined. Henry David Thoreau

ratdog1111290953314.36314924 PostsRegistered 10/27/2008

My kids are still young so I have a few years but, here is my take:

Congratulations on raising a strong, confident man. Thank you for raising a man and letting him pursue his own path and his path has benefitted all of us who call the USA home.

Thank Him for his service on behalf of all of us.

Rmember, planes, trains and sutomobiles run in both directions. You can visit him when he can't get to you.

lovestotea­ch1290953675.58314602 PostsRegistered 1/2/2009DFW Metroplex, Tx
On 11/28/2010 ratdog215 said:

My kids are still young so I have a few years but, here is my take:

Congratulations on raising a strong, confident man. Thank you for raising a man and letting him pursue his own path and his path has benefitted all of us who call the USA home.

Thank Him for his service on behalf of all of us.

Rmember, planes, trains and sutomobiles run in both directions. You can visit him when he can't get to you.

ITA with ratdog. Couldn't have said it better myself and as she said: please thank him for his service on behalf of all of us from me, too.

How does he feel about pursuing his own path? I have to weigh my feelings of empty nest against having a happy DD (who is 27) pursuing her dreams for her adult life which take her farther away. What if she became unhappy and was far away? I can't answer that question. That one would be very tough to handle.

Loves ~ dancin' & prancin' ~ ♥ ♥ ♥

missyw11290954359.29732316 PostsRegistered 3/4/2007

I should have re-read, you said it's your oldest.

It will be hard I am sure. Maybe you can all get a webcam to see each other.

Last edited on 11/28/2010

Last edited on 11/28/2010

beach music1290954581.28729065 PostsRegistered 4/16/2007

my only child lives 2 states away and is independent, happy, and leading the life that his father and i always dreamed for him...

our son is not in the military so we don't have the fears that you do, but i can only imagine how you feel...

"don't get so tolerant that you tolerate intolerance." bill maher

mom of 71290955539.0432079 PostsRegistered 4/10/2010

Oh my, I have 7 kids and I never gotten used to them being far from home. Even when they would go back to college, I would hug them good-bye, watch them drive off, and walk back to the house sobbing! Can you imagine? Now, I have 2 sons that still live far away from us and I just dread when it's time for them to leave. (like today {#emotions_dlg.crying}) I always worry about them making the long trip back to the cities where they work, especially one son who travels ALL alone. God forbid if something would happen to them as I would die from the heartache. They always let me know that they have arrived safely back to their destination. I think that it's hard for them to be away from the family and the daily "news." Also, my house which used to be filled with so much activity, now is empty & quiet for the most part. I have to let them live their own lives but, I really miss them (and still wish they would move back to our town)

missyw11290955598.7732316 PostsRegistered 3/4/2007
On 11/28/2010 beach music said:

my only child lives 2 states away and is independent, happy, and leading the life that his father and i always dreamed for him...

our son is not in the military so we don't have the fears that you do, but i can only imagine how you feel...

I have an only. He is still young. I can't imagine him moving away.

Photo Don­na1290955778.70314069 PostsRegistered 12/26/2005walking the dogs
On 11/28/2010 MissyW1 said:
On 11/28/2010 beach music said:

my only child lives 2 states away and is independent, happy, and leading the life that his father and i always dreamed for him...

our son is not in the military so we don't have the fears that you do, but i can only imagine how you feel...

I have an only. He is still young. I can't imagine him moving away.

I am an only and I moved away. I live over 600 miles from my mother now. We used to be on the west coast (she is east coast).

I am VERY thankful that my mother and my family never made me feel guilty for living away from "home." I would never do that to my children if they move far away. No one ever cried when we visited -- it was always happy times.

every 6 seconds a pet dies in a shelter -- adopt

mom of 71290956453.692079 PostsRegistered 4/10/2010

Photo Donna!

Your reply made me smile. We always have a lot of fun with our "kids" but, when they started to leave home.....I didn't DARE cry in front of them, especially "the men!!" What the heck is wrong with HER for embarrassing us in front of our friends? Nope, that wasn't allowed. {#emotions_dlg.rolleyes} We never made our kids feel guilty about their career choices but, GOSH DARN IT, I still miss those crazy kids of mine! {#emotions_dlg.lol} Luckliy, most of them live near us. {#emotions_dlg.thumbup}

lulu21290964645.43321286 PostsRegistered 8/1/2007

We live in NJ and after his residency, our only child chose to stay in Colorado. I was sad but understood it was the best career move for him. Our first 3 grandchildren were born there. It was tough, but I able to visit on a regular basis. Luckily, he has since moved back to NJ.

caligrl1290964977.189049 PostsRegistered 7/17/2008

I would be devastated! I have an only child (son) and we are super close, so I would definitely be sad! That being said, he assures me that I am his world, and he would never leave me!

portiemom1290965126.113755 PostsRegistered 11/9/2007

I'm fascinated reading your stories.

I moved 20 minutes away from my childhood home,and my mother complained to no end."Why do you have to move so far away" she kept saying.

Apparently,20 minutes is too far for her to travel to see her ONLY 2 grandchildren.She's come to my house about 3-4 times in the 12 years we have lived "soooo far" away.

oh well,

panda

deeva1290965263.0832091 PostsRegistered 1/8/2005stuck in the middle

It's sad, but that's part of life. An adult child has the right to move anywhere they choose. I would never guilt my children into living close by to make me happy, that's selfish.

Breky1290966043.912052 PostsRegistered 6/29/2008Connecticut Shoreline
On 11/28/2010 ratdog215 said:

My kids are still young so I have a few years but, here is my take:

Congratulations on raising a strong, confident man. Thank you for raising a man and letting him pursue his own path and his path has benefitted all of us who call the USA home.

Thank Him for his service on behalf of all of us.

Rmember, planes, trains and sutomobiles run in both directions. You can visit him when he can't get to you.

Beautifully worded ratdog.

My eldest DS went to college about 10 hours away. I kept a stiff upper lip and was truly excited for him. I never realized how much it affected me until he moved closer to home. I was always on edge. I was very surprised as I thought I handled it quite well, HaHa. I empathize as you have the additional burden of his duty to our Country. I agree with ratdog, once he is settled research the transportation options and make plans to visit, that will keep your mind busy and give you something to look forward to, rather than concentrating on the emptiness. Also texting and skiping (sp?) will keep you close.

Stay Strong - Pats

travelbug1290966544.353388 PostsRegistered 8/15/2007

It's awful. Heartbreaking. Over 13 years and I still hate it.

I think it's so hard for me because I grew up with my family all close (2 hour max) and my kids had lots of family time. Now my only grandchildren are alone (family wise) in another state. Well, except for the other grandparents who just retired and moved there. {#emotions_dlg.sad}

Be you to others kind & true as you would have others be to you.

donasmom1290966547.8433025 PostsRegistered 4/21/2006

I am not going to sugar coat it - it is hard. My son is in grad school in Alabama and a daughter in South Carolina. Holidays and birthdays are rough. My son comes home for the Christmas holidays but my daughter's job is such that the holiday season is "blacked out" for vacations longer than 4 days. The visits are wonderful! Today, however, between facebook, skype, e-mail and the plain ole telephone, communication is frequent.

I raised my children to me independent and they are. I remember a very dear friend who has 3 sons told me: "You have to let them fly.......then they'll want to come home."

Finally, a huge thank you to your son for his service to this country.

Formally vicosmom

AFWIFE1290966716.37297 PostsRegistered 6/12/2007Central Coast, CA

I am sorry your son has to move so far away-but rest assured it is not necessarily very easy for him either!! I moved away to college and then a little bit further and now we live in California and my parents are still in Missouri. I miss them so much-you have no idea. I sometimes feel guilty that we want to retire here even once my husband is out of the military. I cry like I have never cried before when they visit or vice versa and we have to leave each other again. Thank goodness we have the telephone and we speak most everyday. I agree with another poster who mentioned she was thankful her parents never made her feel bad for moving away. Mine have been wonderful about it although I know it absolutely kills them. My best wishes for you and your family. I tell my young son he is never to move more than 3 hours away from me-never. I will be so sad when and if that time ever comes.

Proud wife and proud mommy--life doesn't get any better than that!!

Solar1290966945.263970 PostsRegistered 8/24/2007

Motherhood irony: You spend most of your prime years bonding with your kids and then to be a good mother you have to let go -- WHAT A CAREER!

But the "forced retirement" gets a bit easier with time, and with the knowledge that you are giving them the freedom to go where they want without "guilting" them; in other words YOU ALWAYS WANTED YOUR KIDS TO BE HAPPY AND NOW YOU ARE STILL BEING A GOOD MOM AND FACILITATING THIS. And because you are doing this your kids will love you more!

One of your "sisters" in this experience,

-Solar Kiss

"What man actually needs is not some tension-less state but rather the striving and struggling for some goal worthy of him."
-Viktor Frankl

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