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How do you keep your "Faith" after losing a loved one?

Started 1289853695.49 in Viewpoints | Last reply 1289938906.857 by JustMeMelissa

Hi everyone,

I recently (4 months ago) lost my significant other (death) and am trying to keep my faith in G** or a higher authority (I am Catholic). We were so close, he was all I had in this world.

How did you do it after losing a loved one. Did you ever get your faith back?

thanks.........butterfly

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Peachysue1289853915.32312643 PostsRegistered 10/6/2004

Butterfly, I am so very sorry for your loss... All I can advise you is to take it a day at a time and try to keep your faith... time & your faith are what will get you through this, grieve the way you feel best for you and I hope you've got a good family & friend support system... Hugs to you!!

Go VOLS.. Go Big Orange ...
Former Suzie..

FLBB1289854019.747138 PostsRegistered 11/1/2010

It takes a lot of time to adjust to losing someone dear to your heart. I lost my DD five years ago and not a day goes by that I don't think of her.

Try to keep yourself occupied as much as possible.

SweetWood ­Max1289854027.9312234 PostsRegistered 9/7/2010

I'm sorry for your loss Butterfly. This has to be the hardest time of the year for you. My mom died 5 months ago so I can relate. I sometimes question things and would think "why me"? "why my mom"? I initially went through a period where I doubted God. But as the months go by my faith is coming back, it's just a part of who I am. I'm not a particularly religious person but I do believe in a higher up and I know there are reasons things happen. For me I would wonder why my mother, a good person that always did right had to die so quickly, while other vile human beings live long healthy lives.

Nobody knows all the answers and I know in time your faith will re appear again. I think what you feel is quite natural. I hope you find a peace with this and I'm hoping you have a blessed holiday.

Also known as Maxs-Grandma!


Laundry is the only thing that should be separated by color

thalmy1289854124.0432276 PostsRegistered 8/31/2009

I'm so very sorry for your loss and will keep you in my prayers. What helps me to keep faith is this. It's pretty simple but much harder to do.

I keep in mind. It's "Thy will be done" not "my will be done"

I and my wife were baptized catholic. Lately we're both struggling with any form of organized religion. I'm a believer but not so much on church any more. It tends to get in the way of my Christianity.

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Thom
Forever in our hearts.

ennui1289854150.92719957 PostsRegistered 4/17/2007

Pray. Ask God to help you. Tell Him you're in pain and afraid of losing your faith.

Believe that there is a God and there is a heaven, and you will see your loved one again.

"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." ~ Robert Brault

namealread­ytaken1289854193.167676 PostsRegistered 7/13/2009

No, if you had G*d, then all you had in the world is not gone. No one cares for you the way Jesus cares for you. Please read his words. I trust you have a Holy Bible. If not, by all means, purchase one (a St. James version in which Jesus' words are highlighted in red).

There is no greater love nor comfort than the promises he has made to us. I don't know the circumstances of the demise of your loved one but having lost a child, my brother-in-law said he was much better the day of the funeral than he was the day before his son's death as his son had been in angony for a year with cancer and now all his pain and difficulty breathing was relieved and he was home with Jesus.

If a father who loves a son so dearly, who 8 hours following that son's death was teaching his Sunday School class, can find comfort in the word, and faith in the promise, then I hope you and I can. It is hard.

I have thought about this so many times. The son, on his death bed, asked his earthly father (my BIL) to read Psalm 23 to him and as he reached the part, "and yea though I walk.." his son said "good-bye, dad, I am on my way to be with Jesus."

That child (a 29-year-old son) who had asked his fiance and his mother to leave the room an hour before, so he could be with his minister and his dad, bowed his head and took his last breath.

That father who at 2:10 a.m. was reading scripture in a hospital 200 miles from home was present and teaching a class to young adults at 10 a.m. with dry eyes and a smile of happiness on his face for the first time I had seen in months. I trust the Lord will give me half that strength and faith.

Butterfly1289854334.43482 PostsRegistered 2/18/2007

Oh wow, This post has been only a few minutes.

I will read everyone's post over and over. Thank you so very much. I now do not feel alone.

I will post later tonight. Thank you from my heart to yours.

............butterfly

Peachysue1289854400.912643 PostsRegistered 10/6/2004

Smile Butterfly...

Go VOLS.. Go Big Orange ...
Former Suzie..

ladyroxanne1289854505.48710989 PostsRegistered 3/25/2008northern ca

grief counseling can be very theraputic if you find the right group. they meet on a regular basis and are going through the same things that you are, so you have a lot in common.

just a thought....

chloee1289854506.707352 PostsRegistered 11/6/2007

Butterfly,

I am so sorry for your loss. I know how hard it is to lose a loved one especially your significant other. My heart goes out to you. I know in time, the pain will lessen. Keep the faith. (he knows what he is doing) My thoughts and prayers are with you.

I lost my mom just over a week ago. She was 95 years old. I know it was for the best she would not have wanted to live that way. It was heartbreaking to watch her suffer. The pain of losing her at times is unbearable. I know she is in a better place.

Again, I am so sorry.

Take care.

sometimesQ­VCjunkie1289854615.012737 PostsRegistered 5/12/2008

Take it one day at a time and eventually it will get 'better'....there will be good and bad days/weeks/months/etc..but it's YOUR timetable you decide. Everyone is different. I've lost IMMEDIATE and VERY CLOSE family members EVERY year of my life (some more than 1 a year) since about age....6. And I'm only 35 years old!!!! Even my extended family now is very 'small'..... Although I think there were 2-3 years I didn't lose someone, thank goodness!! Yes, it's tough sometimes, but other times not so tough..and it's true, time DOES heal....could take a year, could take 20-30 years..again, that depends on how you handle things. I wish you peace!

little mis­s sunshine1289854615.7872422 PostsRegistered 10/13/2006

I am so sorry for your loss. It's a hole in your heart that cannot be filled by anyone or anything. When you're ready to accept your loss, think about all of the wonderful times you had together and be grateful for those opportunities that you shared and keep these in your memory and bring them out every day especially when your saddness seems overbearing. And when you feel ready to move forward with your life, know that you will have the strength that you need to live a life that is unique only unto you. You haven't lost your faith. It's what you grab onto when all seems lost. It's the thing which helps sustain usand allows us to move forward knowing that one day you will be reunited with all of those you love. Until then, your job is to live the life your loved one would have wanted you to live.

You might need extra support not only now but particularly throughout the holidays. Don't feel embararrassed or shamed by asking for it. People understand how difficult this time is for you and are willing to help get you through. But, you need to reach out to them and let them help.

Lots of blessings your way....

~bunny~1289854731.1639850 PostsRegistered 5/17/2010

Hello Butterfly

I am so very sorry for your loss. We all feel the same way after loosing someone close. Are you getting out of the house and interacting with people? I found this to be very good therapy. Find something you like to do. Volunteeer at an animal shelter or something like a soup kitchen. Take your mind off of the sadness and let some of the postitive memories come through.
Give it time and you will smile again.

bunny can't wait for Spring!

Lakk1289854848.455106 PostsRegistered 11/1/2006

Butterfly,

So sorry for your loss. You didn't lose your faith we something doubt it when these tragic thing happen but you will be fine, we don't see clearly in a crisis. It's not easy but as I always say death cannot take our memories away. I love a song by a gospel singer Lynda Randle (I think it's on You Tube) "God on the Mountain is still God in the Valley." He is and He will carry you through this. Prayers ascending for Butterfly.

reese21289854866.2475891 PostsRegistered 8/11/2006North of South..we've moved

{{{Butterfly}}} I know it's hard to imagine right now, but you will get through this. What you still have is the gift of a love that some never know. And although it's sometimes hard to keep the faith, I think He understands and makes allowances for us during those times. You're in my thoughts and prayers. Please take care of yourself.

Laugh when you can, apologize when you should, and let go of what you can't change.


Formerly Luvs2Shop

namealread­ytaken1289854908.6737676 PostsRegistered 7/13/2009

Please don't ever feel guilty or sad for questioning "why." Remember Jesus asked "Father, why hast thou forsaken me?" The disciples were wavering in their faith and yet Jesus loved them and trusted them to carry forward his love and salvation for us. They were more obedient once they saw that although they had forsaken Jesus, his love was unwavering.

JustMeMeli­ssa1289855036.62311543 PostsRegistered 4/29/2007Sweet Home Chicago...

I am so sorry for your loss Butterfly....

it is interesting that you pose this today as my mom would have been 61..

My faith is the ONLY thing that keeps me from wanting to driving into a wall sometimes * if that makes sense*..I HAVE to believe and deep prayer has helped bring me peace...

My baby sister ,on the other hand, stopped believing in G-O-D the day my mom died...and THAT really breaks my heart...

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"Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow"
Nat King Cole


EMTHeart13

equestrian­esse1289855074.644270 PostsRegistered 6/25/2007Bay Area, CA

((((Butterfly))))

I don't think God minds you questioning. It's only natural to feel anger- it's part of the grieving process, and I don't think you should try to bury it.

I can't imagine that you will ever really get over the loss of your DH. I only know from personal experience from a loss of my own- I have never fully recovered from it. I was able to move on, after mourning my loss. But it's like a scar- the wound is there, but it's never gone, it's just healed over. I still often feel pangs of pain that are so strong.

For me, it was my faith that got me through the hard time of loss. Knowing I would see my loved one again was the only thing that kept me breathing. Knowing that they were held in loving arms was a mental picture that helped get me through the night. But I did question, I did get angry, and I did long to know the answer to "Why?" But the answers really never come.

What does come, eventually, is healing and peace. Eventually. But I would never, ever minimize the pain you feel now- it must be so hard to have lost your DH. I can't even imagine.

More hugs to you...

VioletEyes1289855192.8613180 PostsRegistered 2/11/2009

Butterfly, I am so sorry for your loss.

I don't know about restoring faith in God after a tragic loss. Somehow, we probably all try to do the best we can. When I read about the strong faith some people have in God I envy them and the comfort it seems to bring them.

TennesseeY­ankee1289855388.641119 PostsRegistered 7/20/2006The Tennessee Valley

Butterfly, I'm so sorry. ((( HUG ))) I was married for 3 1/2 years when my husband died, and I had no other family to speak of - his family was always very cold and hateful, so they were no help - his sister didn't even say one word to me at the funeral. To make matters worse, he got sick very unexpectedly, a month after his company went under, so there was no insurance... his son got into collusion with MY lawyer and stole what I was entitled to, so I was left pretty much destitute. My husband had been the center of my world, and I didn't know how I'd survive without him.

It hasn't always been easy, but I can look back now and see that the Lord has always been faithful, and has always been there for me. He's available to talk to day and night - never too busy or too tired. Every need has been provided for - I want for nothing. (I've even had people outright GIVE me several thousand dollars!) The house I was entitled to was stolen...but I now have a nicer one. I have more clothes than I could ever want. I eat well. I've even had vacations provided for in impossible ways!

Isaiah 54:5 says, "For thy Maker [is] thine husband; the LORD of hosts [is] his name; and thy Redeemer the Holy One of Israel; The God of the whole earth shall he be called."

I think the best advice I can give you - from experience - is just draw close to Him; let Him be your comfort and your husband. If you're mad at Him, it's OK to tell Him - it's even OK to yell and scream at Him - He can take it. But know that He loves you far more than your SO ever could...more than you can ever imagine.

We don't know why these things happen - someday we will understand - but for right now we have to trust that they happen for a reason - God never wastes pain.

I'll be praying for you.

"How well you did in life won't be judged by how much money you made, but by how many hearts you touched, and by how much of your love you gave." ~ Themis Eagleson

hyacinth0031289855413.5536483 PostsRegistered 11/8/2005

Dear butterfly,

I am so sorry for your loss. We are only promised eternal life, not forever life on this earth. All of us will die, some sooner than others.

I lost my mother last year to complications of MS. I used to wonder why she (the most active person I knew) was chosen to have a disease that put her in a wheelchair. I don't know. My cousin's 2 year old daughter drowned in their swimming pool - why??

There's a good book by Dr. James Dobson called "When G*d Doesn't Make Sense."

I think your feelings and questions are very natural at this time. I am again sorry for your loss.

Hyacinth

wookie1289855456.238304 PostsRegistered 4/30/2006

Hi Butterfly,

First, I am very sorry for your loss. Losing one's life partner, the one who knows us better than anyone, is one of the hardest losses to bear.

I lost my brother almost four weeks ago, and to tell you the truth, it is still very raw.

I wake up some nights in a panic, thinking I cannot bear this loss. We had a close, if bumpy relationship, almost like twins, and I truly feel like part of myself left with him.

What I try to do, is stay busy, either physically, or mentally. Sometimes I succeed, other times I don't, but I do keep trying.

If you are a person of Faith, use that Faith to sustain you. My mom has set aside a time every day to read her Bible, and has drawn comfort from it.

I truly feel for you. My SIL is suffering tremendously. If you have friends or family please don't hesitate to call them or visit, and talk, talk, talk, to them. Sometimes when my SIL calls, she is crying, but by the time we hang up, she is feeling much better, and even able to laugh a little.

One other thing you might do is get bereavement counseling. My mom is doing that. She just went for the first time this past Saturday, and said it helped her.

AnikaBrodie1289855574.4914933 PostsRegistered 1/29/2008The NE state of mountains and valleys

Butterfly, first of all let me give you some (((((((Hugs))))))). Take it one day at a time, and your faith will become stronger. That's what I've done the past four months. I lost my brother the last day of July and my mother-in-law the middle of August ... and was very close to both of them. There isn't a day goes by that I don't think of both of them and reflect on the years we had together. My brother's estate sale was held last Saturday and it was a difficult day for his children and grandchildren and all of his brothers and sisters. We all miss him so much and shed many tears that day.

Take all the time you need to grieve your loss. There isn't a set time for this. Maybe you could keep a daily journal for recalling all that he meant to you. Rely on your friends and family for support, and keep busy. You'll find that keeping busy and doing for others gives you a reason for living and for going on.

May God's blessings be with you.

~~~The Silver Fox ~~~
“... We don't meet people by accident. They are meant to cross our path for a reason..." (Anonymous)

doxiemom 41289855675.22327472 PostsRegistered 12/30/2008NJ-FL

Butterfly....I am really so sorry for your loss......Sometimes I think we all might feel what you are feeling, but it does pass......

We can not make sense out of some things that happen to us, but your faith will come back.

I wish the best for you in this sad time of your life.

Holly Noel 7/11/97 1/22/11 RIP My Sweet Angel
Annie Oakley 12/7/00 - 8/26/12, Another Angel.








RaeS1289855753.897277 PostsRegistered 3/16/2006NY,CA,CT,VA,FL

I am truly sorry for your loss. But please do not lose your faith. It will sustain you as will the loving memories of a life shared with someone special. I know the emptiness, going from room to room, touching their clothing, etc. But remember they are in a better place and I think your special person will smile down on you knowing how much you miss them. I will pray for you and hope you will pray also, it will help but it does take time. Sometimes a little time and for others,. the rest of their life. But it will get easier. All my prayers to you.

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