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O/T: Moms who leave their kids for a man

Started 1321797538.14 in Beauty Banter | Last reply 1322118576.957 by kal

I'm just curious. I guess my kids such a huge part of my existence that I can't grasp the thought of women voluntarily just up and leaving their young ones (we're talking kids under 16 yrs old) with their husband and running off with a new man.


And then they stay away from the kids - zero communication - for 20 yrs - but suddenly move back to their hometown and expect to be welcomed like a returning hero.

Of course, the kids don't, and then the woman portrays herself as the pitiful victim nobody loves, etc.

I've seen this happen more than once. I don't get it.

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AngelPuppy11321797716.558649 PostsRegistered 5/26/2008

I know what you are saying. I have seen this happen also. I think women who do this have something missing in them. How can you put a man first over your children??? They are part of you?? Men come and go. You brought the children into the world and they should mean more to you than anything. If you do that, then you should be prepared for the outcome. No wonder the children many times do not want anything to do with the mother. They are so hurt and injured.

"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night." - Steve Martin.

Silverstar1321797888.9872794 PostsRegistered 4/22/2007

not sure what to even say about that except the kids are better off with the parent who will love them and give them the time and attention they deserve. not every woman is mentally prepared to be a mother in the true sense of the word, but if she leaves her kids, she shouldn't expect to be welcomed back like a hero.

WorldofWar­craft1321798240.76239 PostsRegistered 11/8/2011

In this latest situation, a couple of the kids fell apart totally. In/out of mental hospitals for all kinds of problems from eating disorders to suicide attempts. Still, that mom just kept on living with her new guy 1500 miles away.

Of course, she's now rewriting her entire history to anyone who didn't know her back then, esp. for her friends in the other town.

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Vamp1321799978.6111234 PostsRegistered 3/9/2007

Abandoning my kids is something I could never do and never will understand.

lynnsy1321801111.2031018 PostsRegistered 8/29/2010

vamp... I feel the same way too. They can drive you crazy at times, but hey I did the same to my parents, part of life and love!

Giordan1321802176.81889 PostsRegistered 8/5/2011

I can only imagine what the poor kids are thinking..."What did I do to make her want to abandon me?'

No child deserves this. {#emotions_dlg.mad}

smhr661321802338.9932384 PostsRegistered 9/5/2010Laid Back and Mellow Small Town USA

In some cases, there are parents ( men and women ) that are mentally "checked out" for various reasons. Don't be too quick to judge others.

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mature, dry, sensitive, makeup optional skin. keep it healthy with NIA24, MD Forte, physical sunscreen and Fancl cleanser.

14TonyStew­artFan1321802593.451172 PostsRegistered 3/14/2006Northeast Ohio along Lake Erie

I would leave my spouse for my child's sake

Dear God - Please make me as good of a person as my dog thinks I am.

PpprMintPa­tty1321802603.9218666 PostsRegistered 8/7/2007Outside our Nation's Capitol

My husband's mom walked out when he was one and his brother was 3.{#emotions_dlg.crying} His dad remarried but they were never treated the same as their stepbrother and sister.

She came back once when he was 16 and brother was 18 I believe, waltzed up the driveway like nothing had ever happened. Gave them a hug assuming they would be happy to see her.{#emotions_dlg.mad} That was the last time they ever saw her.

~Formerly known as Danny~

just bee1321802899.64714115 PostsRegistered 1/3/2010Albuquerque, New Mexico

I work in a hospital and see the results of unsuccessful relationships every day. I actually prefer the woman who abandons her children for a man to the woman who introduces a string of abusive boyfriends to her children and makes their lives a horror.

Yup. I'd take abandonment any day.

My philosophy: Dogs are God's most perfect creatures. Angels, here on Earth, who teach us to be better human beings.

ford12241321803541.963586 PostsRegistered 6/7/2010

In my personal experience, it has been the man . . . twice. My father left us to marry his high school girlfriend after my mother died. He moved to Florida, and totally embraced her family for 20 years and we were never once invited down there to visit. It was up to us to make all the holiday calls, etc. He took her family as his own, her grandchildren as his own, and didn't even know how many grandchildren he had that were really his. He didn't have any interest in their names let alone them. Every time I called him, all he could talk about was her and her family, how rich they were and all of that.

When he got old and sick, she sent him back to us on a plane with a small suitcase with just some underwear and his shaving kit. He didn't even have his ring on, nor his watch. She stripped him bare and sent him back. She didn't even attend his funeral when he died, and all he did the whole time he was back was cry for her.

My childrens' father did the same thing. Married his third wife and went to California. We live in NJ. He came to visit once or twice a year, but they mostly expected my girls to get on the plane with their children and go out there, which my girls could rarely afford, but they did the best they could. He has since had a stroke and doesn't remember anyone anymore.

All of that said, I can't imagine a woman doing this. When I left their father (long nasty story) I took my four daughters (ages 7 to 3) with me. I would not have left him had I not been able to take my kids with me. Fortunately, he didn't fight me for them.

I can't imagine a mother leaving her children for any reason let alone a man. But I have seen it, it is happening right now in our family (not mine, but relatives).

Whatsoever things are true, honest, just, pure, lovely, of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

HeartsNdia­mondz1321803699.711010 PostsRegistered 1/5/2006

Funny how most women would'nt lend their precious diamond jewels out. Yet they toss thier kids around like trash. How someone could leave thier minor children for another man is beyond belief. Once you tear up your mother card, the damage is done and unfixable. I stand firm on this.

ibb381321803880.71312049 PostsRegistered 10/6/2004

I'm divorced- and know many divorced women who put their social lives before their kids needs. I can't even justify that!

SweetWood ­Max1321804058.85312234 PostsRegistered 9/7/2010

any man or woman that leaves their child for someone else is scum! I have zero respect for people like this and I know many. One in particular had her 2 kids but neglected them because she was too busy hanging in bars with some guy. Eventually her ex got custody.

Now she boo hoos that she doesnt see her kids because they are 4 hours away. The one thing that amazes me is sometimes when this happens kids just adore these parents. They'll do anything to be a part of their lives and can't see that their parent is a major loser. Ewww to people like that.{#emotions_dlg.thumbdown}

If I were single I'd tell my potential boyfriend up front....my kids are first and the door is that way if you dont like it.

My son lives his life like that and most women can't accept it. I told him they aren't worthy then. New Gf now does so we'll see.

Also known as Maxs-Grandma!


Laundry is the only thing that should be separated by color

WorldofWar­craft1321804351.443239 PostsRegistered 11/8/2011
On 11/20/2011 just bee said:

I work in a hospital and see the results of unsuccessful relationships every day. I actually prefer the woman who abandons her children for a man to the woman who introduces a string of abusive boyfriends to her children and makes their lives a horror.

Yup. I'd take abandonment any day.

Well, yes, but your comment is like saying I'd rather see an abused child with just 3 broken bones than an abused child with 6 broken bones.

I'm saying these women didn't bother with a divorce, they didn't bother even trying to get the kids, etc. They just took off with zero explanation to their kids.

For those of you who were the kids that got left behind, I'm so sorry.

WorldofWar­craft1321804418.14239 PostsRegistered 11/8/2011
On 11/20/2011 ibb38 said:

I'm divorced- and know many divorced women who put their social lives before their kids needs. I can't even justify that!

ITA. Even when I was a divorcee (I'm now a widow), I NEVER, EVER, EVER put my social life (skimpy as it was) before my kids. Just pure-T wrong.

Giordan1321804567.0971889 PostsRegistered 8/5/2011
On 11/20/2011 just bee said:

I work in a hospital and see the results of unsuccessful relationships every day. I actually prefer the woman who abandons her children for a man to the woman who introduces a string of abusive boyfriends to her children and makes their lives a horror.

Yup. I'd take abandonment any day.


Very interesting point.

Kitlynn1321804909.4332427 PostsRegistered 1/4/2008Colorado

Well, it is pretty simple. Any woman who does this isn't a Mom and any man who does it isn't a Dad. They are sperm donors and incubators.

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You get one go round in this old world and you better make the most of it. It is not a dress rehearsal! Step out of your box and enjoy all that life has to offer!

PpprMintPa­tty1321805458.46318666 PostsRegistered 8/7/2007Outside our Nation's Capitol
On 11/20/2011 WorldofWarcraft said:
On 11/20/2011 just bee said:

I work in a hospital and see the results of unsuccessful relationships every day. I actually prefer the woman who abandons her children for a man to the woman who introduces a string of abusive boyfriends to her children and makes their lives a horror.

Yup. I'd take abandonment any day.

Well, yes, but your comment is like saying I'd rather see an abused child with just 3 broken bones than an abused child with 6 broken bones.

I'm saying these women didn't bother with a divorce, they didn't bother even trying to get the kids, etc. They just took off with zero explanation to their kids.

For those of you who were the kids that got left behind, I'm so sorry.

I agree. It's the lesser of two evils, however they're both tragedies in the eyes of the children.

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~Formerly known as Danny~

smhr661321805487.1672384 PostsRegistered 9/5/2010Laid Back and Mellow Small Town USA
On 11/20/2011 just bee said:

I work in a hospital and see the results of unsuccessful relationships every day. I actually prefer the woman who abandons her children for a man to the woman who introduces a string of abusive boyfriends to her children and makes their lives a horror.

Yup. I'd take abandonment any day.

Yep, you made an interesting point. Unfortunately there are people that can only see from point A to B and never C. Thanks for offering another perspective - sad as it seems.

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mature, dry, sensitive, makeup optional skin. keep it healthy with NIA24, MD Forte, physical sunscreen and Fancl cleanser.

guatmum1321805748.42819 PostsRegistered 10/24/2008

As a single mom by choice who worked hard and waited years to become a mom, I can't understand MYSELF how someone could leave their children for a man. However, I do think that there are a LOT of people, men and women, who have children because it is the "next thing to do," a societal mandate. Many of those people don't put much thought into it and, in fact, regret it once they have the children. Not everyone wants children, not everyone is interested in the vocation of parenting just as not everyone is interested in the same careers. Our society needs to start presenting a more diverse vision of the future for kids as they grow up. Teach them from an early age that there really is a full, valuable, and satisfying life with or without marriage and with or without children. Unfortunately, even now, children are given the message that you can either get married, have children, and live a successful life or stay single and/or remain child-free and be selfish and unsuccessful. The roots of the behavior of these women who leave their children are, I think, a bit complicated and based in our culture.

"Life's a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death!" - Auntie Mame

Snowpuppy1321806093.2936326 PostsRegistered 12/2/2005Up North, MI

If a man's first request is that you leave your children behind, that's just the beginning of what he will ask you to do for him.

One of my sisters divorced pretty young. After a couple of disastrous relationships, she took on a new attitude. "This is my life, my kids, my job, my house, my dogs, etc" Take it or leave it.

After adopting THAT attitude, she found a really good guy.

chandeliers1321807573.1474357 PostsRegistered 3/5/2008

I've read threads on here (around Mother's Day and other holidays) where some posters were so unhappy growing up because of their mothers that they seemed like they were better off with out them. And that's in their own words. I can see how that could be. Some mother's don't have any maternal instinct.

StarChild1321807670.6331865 PostsRegistered 4/26/2008NYC

Not sure of the exact circumstances but I recall reading about how Fernando Lamas wouldn't let Esther Williams be with her kids after they were married. I could never look at him the same way since then and often wondered how she could acquiese to his demand.

Like Jack Benny, I'm 39 and holding ;)

Margo Chan­ning1321817325.7613292 PostsRegistered 11/29/2007
On 11/20/2011 chandeliers said:

I've read threads on here (around Mother's Day and other holidays) where some posters were so unhappy growing up because of their mothers that they seemed like they were better off with out them. And that's in their own words. I can see how that could be. Some mother's don't have any maternal instinct.

I am one of those people--I would have been better off living with ANYONE other than my bioogical parents. And that's all I 'm going to say about them.

My sister left her 4 year old son because he had ADHD and was a "diflfcult" child--or so she said. Truth is, she just didn't want to be a mother and had to be talked into getting pregnant. {It did help that her husband was wealthy}. Anyway, it got difficult and she left--no other man involved. Years later when she tried to establish a relationship with her son he really didn't want anything to do with her and you wouldn't believe the martyr act she put on.

My SIL DID leave her very young son and go off with someone else about 15 years ago. She's remarried and my BIL has moved on to a relationship with a wonderful woman with two children. I guess you can say it worked out for the best, but I can't even be in the same room with my ex SIL, I'm still very angry about what she did to that little guy. Children are young for such a short period of time I don't see why one can't suk it up for a few years and think of someone other than yourself. UNLESS you are dealing with abuse or addiction.

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It's not the typing, it's arthritis.
NO-ONE puts Leisle in the corner

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